Was snogged by a 38yr old man..

Former Member

okay so i'm 19..

i have a friend who is 38, we are really close, yesterday i went to his flat to have a few drinks with him..

one min we are sittin chattin nxt min he was over nxt me kissin me..

nt that i didn't enjoy it.. i LOVED it but i worry cos of his age

he's asked me too come round again soon which i would really like to but my head is tellin me it would be a bad idea

he knws that i fancy him and told me that i'm a very beautiful girl and he can't believe i'm still single..

i've knwn him since i was 12 and have developed a close friendship with him since i turned 18. he is actually a family friend, my parents friend to be exact. i knw if my parents found out they would go mental


any advice?


thanks xx

Former Member

While there is always an element of people jumping on the "its a taboo subject, best say NO NO NO at the first chance" bandwagon with things like this, no two situations are the same.

Keeping an open mind through most of the post I thought that well if you both like each other, and the ages you are, then why should I get bothered about it. Its a bit unusual, and some people will find it difficult to accept, but its certainly not unheard of.

Though when I did read the point about him knowing you since you were 12, I began to rethink what I have written above. Now im not accusing him of having any ulterior motive over the long term, in fact far from it. However he has known you a long time and seen you grow up, for someone who has been a friend to you, and a family friend for a number of years, why change the dynamics.

Id sway on the side of caution, not because its inappropriate, but think of the others around you. Fair enough you should try to think of yourself and not let others get in the way of what you really want, but if you are (as you seem) indecisive about this then perhaps it would be best to keep the status quo and keep him as a friend, rather than something more, which if it didnt work out would cause you to lose him, and potentially inflame issues with the family regardless of if it worked out or not.

Former Member

G-Raffe wrote: »

Id sway on the side of caution, not because its inappropriate, but think of the others around you. Fair enough you should try to think of yourself and not let others get in the way of what you really want, but if you are (as you seem) indecisive about this then perhaps it would be best to keep the status quo and keep him as a friend, rather than something more, which if it didnt work out would cause you to lose him, and potentially inflame issues with the family regardless of if it worked out or not.

I'd have suggested something like that. The age difference is immaterial. You're both of legal age and who is anyone else to judge the value of your relationship? However, him being friends with your parents etc, could be tricky. Do you love/like him enough to possibly detrimentally affect you relationship with the family? I am a little concerned that he hasn't recognised that himself.

Former Member

i really do like him and he admitted a few weeks ago to havin feelings for me :eek: which really did shock me cos i had not said at that stage about liking him..

i'm not sure weither it could develop into anything further although i would like that


xx

Former Member

LissyIsConfused wrote: »

i really do like him and he admitted a few weeks ago to havin feelings for me :eek: which really did shock me cos i had not said at that stage about liking him..

i'm not sure weither it could develop into anything further although i would like that


xx

Are you prepared for any consequences? Of course, I don't know what your relationship is like with your family but your parents may consider his 'moving' on their daughter as something of a betrayal.

And then, if it doesn't work out (which, as a generalisation, is probably likely), you'll have lost both him and your family.

It needs some serious thought, hun. The 'fancying' stage you are going through now will pass and you'll be back to seeing the world, minus the rose-coloured spectacles. *hug*

Former Member

parents have been split up for the past year and my dad lives ages away from us and we only see him twice a month if even that..

i'm not saying i want a relationship with this guy cause i don't think i do, not really wanting a relationship as i'd like to focus on my college work but i was thinkin more the lines of further along i would like to have a relationship with him, just not now..


xx

Former Member

I'd say put your cards on the table. But don't go around the next time [as this usually leads to sex], focus on yourself, don't worry about the relationship. It'll complicate things, then sooner or later it'll blow up in your parents faces and words will be exchanged incorrectly. Do it right.

Former Member

Nope, don't go there... Look out for yourself. Avoid this ma, or if that will make you family dynamics awkward, make sure you are always incompany when you are with him.