i worry about being the loser with no girlfriend or wife and being all alone my life

Former Member

i keep reading stories about people on internet who are 51 and have never had a girlfriend/partner/wife and im 23 and worried the same will happen to me. i get out there and go to bars etc and take classes but all those women are with people and never talk to me and the one's who do im just a friend too, ive gotten better with talking to women but when ive read these stories on the internet i sometimes worry ill live my whole life single AND I DONT WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! is there a way i can tell myself this isnt true or am i doomed.

Former Member

Well you're not the only one. I've had boyfriends and stuff but i still worry about being a lonely 40 year old spinster who is the only one out of her friends who isnt married or have kids.

If you keep telling yourself you'll never meet someone and keep thinking negatively, it wont happen so think positive!

Also, nobody ever finds anything by looking for it. If you're going out every night and day thinking that every woman you come across if going to the 'the one', you'll never find her. Be happy with yourself, and be happy being single. Just enjoy life and stop fretting, cos the minute you stop looking she'll be there

Former Member

Take it easy!
Keep in touch with people around. Yo will have girlfriend sooner or later!

Former Member

And I sometimes worry that I'm not capable of being in a relationship for longer than 4 months, or being comfortable enough to really let someone be a huge part of my life as most couples are to each other. I've been dating for 8 years, and I've never once been in love, or had anything close to a serious relationship. We all worry, dude. We're all battling something.

I've dealt with and am still dealing with huge emotional barrier issues, and I've done it by FORCING myself out of my comfort zone. That's the only real way to change, by forcing yourself to. It's not easy when you've only ever known one 'you', but what's better - living your life being comfortable and always longing for more, or taking the necessary steps to make a difference?

Don't wait for people to talk to you. Talk to them. Make yourself. Become okay with rejection, it's a part of life. You're not going to strike gold the first time. Just don't wait for things to come to you, because 9 times out of 10, they won't.

Former Member

23andsingle wrote: »

i keep reading stories about people on internet who are 51 and have never had a girlfriend/partner/wife and im 23 and worried the same will happen to me. i get out there and go to bars etc and take classes but all those women are with people and never talk to me and the one's who do im just a friend too, ive gotten better with talking to women but when ive read these stories on the internet i sometimes worry ill live my whole life single AND I DONT WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! is there a way i can tell myself this isnt true or am i doomed.

I'll put it this way. I'm 27, single, and yes, it winds me up from time to time that I can't get a girlfriend or anything like that, but, keep your chin up, and things will happen.

The problem I have is a distinct lack of confidence [I suffer from Bells Palsy, and the entire right side of my face is slightly lopsided], but its getting better.

I can't really advise you on how to improve your confidence or anything like that, but just try pushing the boundaries of your comfort a little bit, and you never know.

Former Member

I worry about this too and I think it ties in with my worries about how I have not made any new friends. I had dates at university but now thats over the main two groups available to me are divorced or never married 40 somethings or chavs of varying ages (hard to tell as they age worse) and I cant really see myself wanting to date anyone in those groups.

I've always found guys to date just through socialising with my friends and now thats over I don't really see how I'm ever going to get a boyfriend. Don't worry about not being able to pick up women in bars. I think most guys who do that are sleazy and just looking for a one night stand. Being able to talk to women is good. Just do that, don't worry about your flirting technique or chat up lines, try to meet women as friends first and if you feel a spark then take it from there.

Former Member

I was exactly the same, in fact right up until last year when I finally found my soulmate.

All my life I could never find a woman I was truly happy with. I could only ever get very overweight women interested in me. It was if the only women attracted to me were the ones that the other lads didn't want.

After 20-odd years of that you can imagine I'd given up all hope of finding the right woman. I'd gone with many an overweight women to see if I could try and find beauty 'internally' but it was never going to happen, for me physically attraction at the very least was important and that was lacking in the right quantities with all these large women.

Then out of nowhere - and on TheSite funnily enough - I met her. She's a real looker, her personality matches mine, we have the same stupid sense of humour, we just clicked immediately and within 24 hours of meeting her I knew she was someone specialy - within a few weeks I knew I'd marry her.

OK it took me until I was 35 to meet the right one but seriously if I can meet 'the one' then anyone can. I hope it won;t take you as long as it takes me but if it does then it will. Love will find you when it's ready.

All this bullshit about "the more you look for it the longer it will take to arrive" is just that - bullshit. It will come when it's ready.