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very quick question - help plz
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
heya quick question right my care worker sed i have to stop writing to her, think its coz got shite confidence and writing aint helping it... BUT now i dont right im more suicidal , cut more and more depressed, i bottle things up a lot now,
do i write to her and tell how i feel even tho she said dont write?
Im soooooo tempted but i CANT tell her face-face x
do i write to her and tell how i feel even tho she said dont write?
Im soooooo tempted but i CANT tell her face-face x
0
Comments
i know she said to you to stop writing, but i'm thinking that maybe she's not fully aware of what's going on. i also think, in time, your confidence in writing will improve. just take it slowly, write it as it comes to you, and just try to get out what you really want to tell her. it's better than going through this on your own.
purplestarfish is righg.
that would be such a huge step forward
just out my own mind i swear down i cant,
its hard, no1 is understanding.. amanda will not read my letter if i give her it face to face, she even said to me on tuesday that shes guna have to start stopping reading my letters full stop :crying: :crying:
I feel like shes pushing me away well if she is shes going the right way about it because im thinking of quitting x
i don't think so.
i think before any complaint is made against her, we need to establish why she does not want to read the letters.
there's probably more to this than we know
Hello,
Your care worker is helping you to try and build your confidence more because you need to engage more instead of sit on the edge because as you grow older thingss get tougher and you may have to communicare more do you keep a diary? instead of keeping it all to your self maybe keep a diary/journal to write down things and show her of how about drawing to express your self and then show her the pictures she wont be able to ignore you or you could complain as the above person has suggested.
Hope I helped
Abida
I'm not fully aware of your situation or the history behind you and your care worker's relationship but if she's refusing to read your letters I'm sure it's not because she's trying to push you away.
As your worker she has a duty to encourage you and help you to move forward, as already suggested this may be to increase your confidence.
If you find writing letters the most effective way to communicate why not try to write yourself some notes to take to your next support session?
Don't give up, however scary it is you can do it,
dp
To Amanda
I'd really appreciate it if you could read this, its totally up to you if you decide to throw it in the bin,but i really hope you could read it plz i know you said not to write but im desprate and need to say a lot, i hope you dont get mad,
i feel so gulity 4 writing but im desprate i feel like your pushing me away coz ur baning me for writing i really need you 2 no i really cant do this without not being able to to write..i wont be able to cope, i no you'll be annoyed wit me 4 writing but need 2 get this out,I really dont understand y i cant write if u no i cant talk face-face bout problems? i feel like theres something about me u dont like maybe im wrong but alexis didnt c a problem with me writing and we got on gr8 it helped no end and i opened up now i feel like i have to block things bottle things and self harm more all coz i darent talk face-face in the long run it will KILL ME ill end up killing myself.
I feel like you dont care&im not saying that in a mean way i just duno where i stand,
u ignore my letters u sed it yourself u'll have to stop reading them that hurts sorry but it hurts an awful lot,u ignore my voice mails even wen im i crisis crying, makes me feel like you must really hate me,Sometimes i feel you dont understand or no what to do with me,
im not having ago its not your fault im a complete freak nd most def isnt your fault you dnt always understand most ppl dont im a werido,
Reali wish u cud understand i cant Talk bout problems dats y need 2 write, ever since u sed dnt write ive been at breaking point cuttings outta control and i eat less and less been very suicidal and been so close to go through with it but i admite i duno how much more i can take before i kill myself i swear down i ent felt this close to suicide in all my lifei really belive thats how ill die,cant stres how bad i feel and how awful i feel 4 writing im such a bitch im so sorry amanda i really am ill understand if u wanna give up on me i def have, y wud u wanna help a freak hu does a werid self harm..? im not coping
I want to die and dont worry its me who wants to die no-ones making me wanna, at least ill be with nan and gramp i wish there was somewhere i could go for a few days/weeks 2 get help with self harm im desprate amanda i really am that desprate id consider hospital even tho wont happen and i hated it, need help to stop self harming or i really will kill myself and thats a promise swear down on family life and i never say things like that unless true,dont care if no-1 believes ill do it coz will give me a better chance gona b honest with you the only reason i wanted to move into that accomodation is to kill myself i swear down, id get away with it 2 as manager sed they will only go in ur room if they think ur at danger so id make sure they believe im "fine" I duno how 2 end this letter keep thinking ive fuked everything up now u wont wanna see me anymore so ill guess ill fininsh it with good luck with everything and take careif she doesnt reply to that or help then im sorry but i quit, x
i really hope she will respond to that.
*hug*
the only thing i would say (and i know it's a confidence issue) is don't put that you are worthless and it is your fault. for 1 thing, it's really not your fault she is not reading the letters. it's her decision to do that, and it makes me sad that she's refusing to help you.
:crazyeyes
also you are really not worthless. if you were, you would have given up by now but you're carrying on the fight. good for you.
:yes:
do let us know how you get on, and stay safe.
you'll get through it sweetie. promise.
:angel:
If your worker says she won't read anymore of your letters, she may not look at this one so you need to be prepared for that. There are some points you've raised that you could really do with letting her know, like how you would be prepared to access some support for how you're feeling. Like others have said, if you could try different forms of communicating with your worker and getting this message across to her in your sessions then this will really help you both and may improve your relationship.
It is scary to have to say out loud to someone face to face how you feel but you can do it, again, as others have said, maybe write some notes for yourself and read these before you go in, so they are fresh in your mind and keep them in your pocket so you can go back to them in the meeting if you need to.
Good luck and keep in touch :thumb:
im actually ready to give up,
hopefully she'll ring or something 2moz or leave a voice mail,
if she does then hopefully something will get sorted,
if she says she wont read the letter ill quit,
I cant do this without her but if i cant write it will trigger me so may aswell quit, not having a good night someones picking on me being a cow sowi lol but she is saying im too depressing so she doesnt wanna speak to me ever again :crying:
Been crying but now i just think she aint worth it !! i dont blame her i am depressing but she sed she was guna kill herself sooo works both ways reali
i need sleep before i harm myself sorry speak 2moz night xx
heya.
hope you managed to have a good sleep last night.
let's see how you'll do today
How are you feeling tonight?
It sound's like you and your worker have built up quite a good working relationship? as you said that: 'I cant do this without her' and that 'hopefully she'll ring or something 2moz or leave a voice mail'. As has been said in your thread - if you have built up a good realtionship, she might be trying to help you push your comfortable boundaries and try new ways of communicating? And also, if your sessions have been working so far, then perhaps it's worth continuing to work with her?
Writing can still be a part of how you express yourself and explain how you feel, it seems she is not asking you to stop writing altogether, just for your sessions.
Take care and keep posting -
looks like shes gave up on me still ent rang after crisis team told her to ring me on thursday
looks like ignoring letter to ohhh well,
cut a lot today coz cant take this anymore xx
Have you ever contacted Childline (0800 1111)? You could talk to someone annonymously (no names given and they won't know who you are). Speaking to them over the phone may help you to begin talking to your care worker? If that's too much - then you could also contact Childline online - so no talking involved?
Nobody can ever tell you stop writing full stop. What you choose to do in your own time is your choice and if writing helps you - then there is no reason to stop.
no1 cares shes proved that im guna quit i know i am xx
How old are you, because ChildLine for people under the age of 18 I thought you where 20 something 1/2/3/4/5 :-/
:angel:
i'm now worried about your wellfare
:crying:
keeping this thread open until i know you're okay
And i sent one saying its important u read ma last letter?
well shes only gone and sent me the letter back unopened,
i sobbed and sobbed only just stopped crying im now at my worse
just finished cutting bout 6 times im so depressed duno what to do im sorry for all ur trouble i luv u all take care xxxxx
i'm so glad you're okay!. you had me worried for some odd reason.
:crying:
didon't really help i read 2 threads along the same lines 1 after the other
so many thoughts though ma head
okay, maybe okay is not the word, but to hear from you is a start.
i log in every day to see if you replied to my latest message.
:cool:
keep going hun.
*hug*
I know this sounds stupid, but is your care workers name Amie or Amanda?
I remember one who did the same, she did talk tto me in the end I sent her like 3 letters a day sometimes she would send 3 back or two back, she write back asking for my cell number she called me instead ok theen....I was neervouse at first yes but I managed to build my confidence she will talk to yyou she is only trying to support you
She did me great deals and supported me well
*hug*
don't quote me on this, but i think i remember somewhere in the thread, she did mention her name was amanda. of course, i might be thinking of the wrong thread.. i'll have a hunt through it now and post if i find it.
":
its hard, no1 is understanding.. amanda will not read my letter if i give her it face to face.
Cool
Hope things work out DepressedGal!
i posted the relevant quote, angel
I know you did, I am not that stupid I said "cool" to you and told DG "hope things work out"