Lost everything

Former Member

I don't even know where to start. My dream job that was due to start in the next month has just fallen through, my ex boyfriend moved out yesterday; I broke up with him three weeks ago after nearly 4 years together and it's only just hit me that it's over, and I lost the temp job I had because the government withdrew the funding. My closest friend moved away last month and because I recently bought a house and have been manically busy dealing with that, most of my friends in Bristol have either moved away in the meantime or I don't feel close enough to them to ask for support.

I'm unemployed, brassic, on my own, and I'm emotionally exhausted. I have no idea what my future looks like and I don't feel like I have the energy to create something exciting for myself - it's taking a lot for me to keep from bursting into tears in front of my housemates/tenants.

All over the place. Lost. Probably excessively dramatic, too but....

Don't know what I'm asking for from you all, I just need something from someone.

Former Member

My something is this: in the future you will look back at this day as a benchmark of how far you've come. You might feel like you've lost everything, and maybe you have, but you will find it again. And it might seem huge to have to build a whole new life for yourself, but remember you'll be building it one day at a time. And a day's worth of huge isn't that huge at all, really.

*hug*

Former Member

*hug*

**helen**

Kaff wrote: »

My something is this: in the future you will look back at this day as a benchmark of how far you've come. You might feel like you've lost everything, and maybe you have, but you will find it again. And it might seem huge to have to build a whole new life for yourself, but remember you'll be building it one day at a time. And a day's worth of huge isn't that huge at all, really.

*hug*

:yes:

I feel really sad for you Butterflykisses because it's so much to deal with at one time and understandably you're exhausted both mentally and physically. *hug*

I also feel really hopeful for you in a similar way to Kaff - there are a lot of choices ahead that weren't there for you before and so during these initial days of sadness, disappointment and bewilderment, it's going to be really important that you're kind to yourself, let yourself feel this intense emotion and then start to think about the things that you are really passionate about again.

One of the specific things you mention is a close friend moving away which is harsh timing. Could this be a good time to go and stay with a close friend or family member who you really feel comfortable with? Just as a chance to be looked after and or to feel you can talk things out and work out the crux of your thoughts on all these changes?

Thinking of you - let us know how you're feeling later today or tomorrow if you get a chance.

Former Member

Know how you feel - I was due to start a job on Monday, handed my notice in for my old job and house, paid £1000+ for a deposit and first month's rent for a new house and got told a couple of days ago they can now only offer me 12 weeks freelance instead of a permanent job.

Finding it very hard to see the positives. In 12 weeks time I'll most likely have no job and will be struggling to pay rent on a house in a place i was only moving to because of the job.

People keep saying everything happens for a reason and that something better will come along. I really doubt it. So no real advice i'm afraid but do know how you feel.

Former Member

i dont have any advice but im so sorry for everything thats happening to you all at once, you seem such a lovely girl and dont deserve it. it must be awful for you i rememeber you were so excited about your job too and they made a position for you and everything.

are you close to your family? iv been having a bit of a tough time too recently and my sister and mum have been a massive help. i know it sounds lame but when i start thinking of how shit things are i try to count the good things i have, like my family, my health, my friends etc. it helps if only just for a little while hugs xxx

Former Member

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found."

Using this as a mantra at the moment; I know that I can choose to look at this as a nightmare or I can choose to look at it as a blank slate from which I can create anything I want for myself. I just need the energy to start that process and at the moment I'm finding it difficult to muster enough up to get to the supermarket.

Kaff, you're absolutely right. One day at a time. Create things day by day and they will begin to form a story without loading the pressure on.

Helen, thankyou for your words. I did escape for a while before I knew about the job falling through; my ex was still living in my house so I went to stay with a friend for three days (it ended up being ten days - i didn't get on my flight!) and that was really nourishing. It does mean, though, that I have lots of things to catch up on now that I'm back and being a landlady sometimes means that hiding out is not an acceptable course of action. Would love to see my friend again now but he's flat broke and far away, and so am I.

Kat - hugs to you. Life throws some real shitters at us sometimes, don't they?

FireyFirenze; I am close to my family, but my mum's going through a bit of a hellish time of her own at the moment and although I know she's always, always there for me, I need to be conscious and responsible about what I'm giving to her and taking from her. Much as a hug and a cuppa is great, I'm not entirely comfortable in asking for too much support from her right now and I'm also conscious that what I get from her might not be the best thing for me at the moment.

Thankyou to all of you; still feeling very wobbly but that will pass. I can't choose what happens to me but I do have total power over what I choose to do with it, and your words have given me a bit of that power back.

Former Member

*hug*