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Post uni blues
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've read that its normal to feel depressed after uni. However I'm beginning to feel concerned because its been more than a year since my graduation and I don't really feel any better.
I was thrilled to leave my home town at 18 and absolutely devastated when I had to move back with my parents 3 years later. Its a cold, unfriendly place compared to where I studied. My old friends have all moved on and I am too far away to see my uni friends.
I've failed completely to make new friends (detailed in another thread) and can only get temp work. I feel completely hopeless and don't see how things can get better. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life but I don't know what I can do.
I was thrilled to leave my home town at 18 and absolutely devastated when I had to move back with my parents 3 years later. Its a cold, unfriendly place compared to where I studied. My old friends have all moved on and I am too far away to see my uni friends.
I've failed completely to make new friends (detailed in another thread) and can only get temp work. I feel completely hopeless and don't see how things can get better. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life but I don't know what I can do.
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As you said, you're definitely not alone with this one! Post-uni blues are incredibly common - you suddenly have to move away from your friends, think about employment and your time's no longer mapped out for you, it can be very scary and yes, it can really get you down.
Do you have a friend you can chat to about your feelings? Maybe calling up your old uni mates or arranging a meet-up could help you see what they're up to and give you some ideas around what you want to do. Often, just meeting up with familiar faces can give you a new lease of life and get you thinking about things in a different way if you feel you've become stuck in a bit of a rut. You say in one of your other threads that you wish you could move - is there anything in particular that's keeping you in your hometown?
If you're worried that your feelings aren't going away or you're showing other signs of depression it may be worth having a chat with your GP. They will be able to talk through your feelings and give you some next steps to take.
Good luck and please do keep posting.
*hug*
Cat
I do chat with my old uni friends, many are experiencing similar things. We have met up a few times but obviously its more difficult. I guess I miss being able to casually meet up mid week. Now it takes loads and loads of planning.
The only thing keeping me in my hometown is lack of money to start a new life somehwere else. I have applied for jobs all over the country but the only ones I have received any reply from are the ones where I would not have to relocate. I don't know if this is common. They were doing some interviews where my Dad works and he reckons they are only considering local applicants.
I think as long as I live in this place these feelings will not go away but I am slightly better than I was before I was working. It at least fills up the day and gives me something to put on my CV. I guess I am showing a few of the signs of depression but I think its to do with my situation rather than a chemical imbalance. I don't see what my doctor could do regarding my situation making friends.
I can relate a little bit to your situation, I graduated a couple of months ago and I miss the uni life and my friends already.
I found a post from the archives that really puts the whole post uni situation in perspective. http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showpost.php?p=2178885&postcount=6 (although its about jobs, I think numbers 2 and 6 can be applied to your situation)
hope this helps
Thanks, I need to keep assuring myself that things will get better. I just wish I knew when things are going to get better. I was not expecting to still feel miserable after more than a year.
You say it's lack of money which is keeping you in your hometown. Is there any way you could take on a second job and put aside all the cash you save from that? Working in a bar at the weekend might not sound like an appealing way to spend your free time but would bring in some extra funds and would also help you meet some more local people, both staff members and regulars. Pubs are pretty sociable places and it's amazing the confidence you get to chat to everyone when it's your job!
If you do move and find yourself in a bit of financial trouble inbetween temp jobs, there are lots of ways you can get help with your rent. As long as you're actively looking for work it's definitely not freeloading (as you were worried about in your last post), and if you've been able to get temp work in your hometown then you should have no trouble in a new city. That said, it's best to try and find something before you go - just call up some temp agencies to register, then you'll hear of opportunities as they come up.
I hope that helps! Whilst a year does seem like a long time, I think you'll find that a lot of people feel like that. It really does get better once you've found somewhere to settle - it's just finding the momentum to get out of a rut when you're stuck which is hard.
Take care,
Cat x
Hope things improve for you soon. Just thought I would say I can understand your situation. Mine is similar, but slightly different. I had mental health problems whilst at university, but graduated despite the problems.
Like you, I've moved back home and am with my parents. I think it's quite a tough time for a lot of people, especially with the credit crunch of the last few years.
Since I moved back I have been involved with my local MIND and done a lot of mental health stuff, but I've found things to be tricky - friends being all over the place. I posted about it and you replied. I guess my problem has been that I've needed to try and deal with my problems first before looking for work.
But I felt very anxious when I left uni due to wondering if I'd be able to stay in touch with people. I have stayed in touch with quite a few people, but fortunately I've met lots of people since moving back home.
Maybe the best thing is to see your GP, but if you have a local MIND that may be a good port of call.
Maybe you could look into Wellness Recovery Action Planning - I have done this at MIND and find it helps.
Hope things improve, but just wanted to say I can understand your situation as I am kind of in the same position.
That said I think I will try and save up in order to find away out of here. It will give me something to focus on. I just wish I did not feel so messed up, its weird, I often feel really tired and ill for long periods. I sometimes feel like I will never leave this place.
I dont think there is a local MIND near me. I regularly search my local area for things like that amongst other groups and have not come up with anything.
I dont want to see my GP as I dont see what he can do regarding this problem.
Hey JP, glad to see you're still posting about this issue. You're right that treatment for depression from a GP is often based on helping with the chemical side of things and I can see why you'd be wary of going in and just get prescribed some sort of AD. There are other options though that you might find help in your situation - so something like CBT may help you to see your situation differently and enable you to have a more positive outlook to finding ways forward. It might be that a GP can get you a referral for it as mentioned in the fact sheet I've linked to.
Another resource that some people find helpful is the mood gym - it's an online programme from Australia. Not for everyone but certainly worth checking out.
Great to see the ace advice from Bashir crop up again - good spot Johnny!
Plus I'm concerned about having a mental illness which I don't believe I have put on my medical records. I know there are discrimination laws but still.
http://www.workingtogetherforrecovery.co.uk/Documents/Wellness%20Recovery%20Action%20Plan.pdf
I've done one and it's basically identifying wellness tools that might help.
Are there any good books on lonliness or isolation that might help me with my situation.
Hope this link helps :
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/loneliness-and-mental-health/
That's not to say life doesn't move on, or won't get better though
So no, you're not lame at all.
I know its normal to feel sad after uni but it does not seem normal for it not to get any better after more than a year.
I'd say around the year mark, but mainly because I had a clear idea of the kind of thing I wanted to be doing, so as well as doing random part time work in shops etc I also got involved with as many opportunities as possible that related to my interests of young people's sector and media including work experience at local papers and lots of random volunteering. At the same time I started working as a sales assistant at a shop that led to some managerial opportunities that I hadn't expected - nor did I particularly want at the time, but was a fun challenge for what it was and I met lots of interesting people.
Do you have a clear idea of what you'd ideally like to be doing work wise, whether in terms of vague sector or specific job? If so, have you had a look on Do-it? Apologies, I can't remember if you said you had yet... Even if you have a broad focus in terms of job interests, starting to make some headway through volunteering can open up all kinds of unexpected doors.
Whats making me miserable is my lack of a social life and not being able to find any oppertunities to get one. I've heard all sorts of stories not unlike yours where people managed to get out of this rut by doing something new like volunteering or a hobby. I was gutted to find out how little is available in my area.
I volunteered at a nursing home before I had a job, I had to quit as it was in the afternoon. However I worked with 3 middle aged ladies and it did not lead to a social life. There is nothing else I found that I could get to without a car.
There is very little in the way of clubs and classes and they are so poorly attended. I have tried going to things, its difficult without a car. I'm often doing a long walk or getting a bus and then a long walk to get to these places only to find there is only 3 or 4 people there. Because there are so few people there we hang out for maybe an hour and then everyone goes home. Sometimes I go all that way and there is no one there. I'm not even sure its a good idea for me to be walking all that way alone a night.
I don't feel like there are ever going to be oppertunities for me to get over the post uni blues if I continue living here.