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Self Harm x

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,
Just a bit nervouse starting my second thread so please don't judge me thank you.

I am not quiet sure how to start thiis weather it be from the beginning or middle. So I shant blabber on no more.

I had started self harming at the age of 12 as I got older I had self harmed twice as much. Now when ever I feel low or just can't take it I would get this small knife out the top of my draw, the sort of knife you cut card with and all. I would cut quiet deep until alot of blood had come out I would do it sitting in my room crying my eyes out thinking why am I not dead yet. I'm not the sory of person that talks to many people so I'm mainly the quiet one. I teand to concentrate on my studies at first to try not to cut my self. I am very weak andd really sometimes can't stand life. I have plans to kill my self I feel useless and alone scared and lost confused and mixed up my emotions are every where really......I am self harming at the moment after having a massive arguement with someone about something that was important to me. They told me I made them sick and I was useless I wasn't sure whatt else to do or any other ways to cope.

I have stopped eating my regular meal and have one meal a day a small one as I feel like throwing up just by looking at food. For some reason I care about the way I look more than my general health I feel as though I am fat although I am under weight for my general height.
Just so confused with life and unssure of what to do :crying:
Thanks for reading,

Troubled_Youngster x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, firstly no need to feel nervous, no one is here to judge you, just try and give some advice. Secondly no one has the right to tell you that you are useless, because you aren't. If you don't mind me asking what is making you feel like you should self-harm? Have you tried speaking to a family member or close friend about the things that are troubling you?

    If you do not feel like you can talk to someone try and have a think about what is making you feel like self harming, and see if there a more constructive way to deal with the issues you are experiencing. Maybe you should get rid off your knife so that even if you feel like self-harming it is not as easy to do so and might give you chance to think of another solution.

    I think you should make an appointment to see a GP regarding both the self-harming and the decreased appetite. You should not let yourself feel you are fat or thin compared to other people, you should try and maintain a weight that you feel comfortable with, without needing to worry about how others perceive you.

    I hope this is of some help and that things pick up for you. If you ever need someone to talk too feel free to give me a message and I will listen to whatever you want to say
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    unssure of what to do
    Firstly stop giving a damn what other people think of you or letting them define you if you are already "weak" as you say this will only make you weaker. Secondly you need to get some professional help for your cutting yourself and not eating because if you don't it will probably just get worse. Thirdly bear in mind that unless you start actively seeking out help you're probably not going to get it, and then nothing will change for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there troubled youngster

    Really glad you decided to on your second post and an official welcome to the site!

    For the record I'd like to say that I think asking for help and support when we're feeling confused is a sign of strength not weakness (although I know, it don't always feel like it at the time)

    Sounds like self harming has helped you cope when things get tough for you but you'd like to find alternatives so you don't always rely on strategies that are harmful for you in the long run like cutting or not eating well. Admitting that is a big deal.

    There's lots of info on the site about this. It can also be really helpful to talk to someone you trust - is there a professional/ family member/ friend who you could talk to about any of whats going on? It might help you get some perspective on some of it. If not how would you feel about counselling or calling someone? SANEline or your GP are good places to start.

    Also please keep posting here for more support - as you probably realise - we really try not to judge one another here so it can be a good place to talk about whats really bothering you.

    Take care :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello, :wave:
    Thank you for your replies to my post and thank you for wasteing your time to reply.

    What makes me self harm, are many thing, that I may mention when I get used to the site more. I just use it as a simple easy way to cope with life and all the bad things going on.

    As I am not a talkative person and do not try add seek help it will be hard speaking about it. I shant have started in the first place I'm worried my Mother & Father may one day find out.

    If I get rid of my knife I would find something else to cut myself with I have many sharp objects. Many people think I self harm if they see a odd cut they ask do you self harm I teand to say no way it a my kitties scrach.

    My GP has spoken to me many times about me being under weight that why he said I geet ill really quickly and more to others and he knoes about the loss of apeetite as he had told me to speak to someone he had refered me to someone but I didn't take the chance as I felt I couldn't.

    Because I am still able tto use ChildLine I have spoken to them many times but had stopped useing there service about a few weeks ago when things had got harder for me. I take it out on blameing everything on me as I feel everything is I am unsure why but it teands to be my fault x

    Trobled_Youngster
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its not a waste of time to reply, if you have taken the time to try and say what is on your mind and how you are feeling the least we can try and do is help. Could you not tell your parents about what you are going through? I'm sure they would do everything they could to help you through this troubled time. Maybe seeking help would not be such a bad idea as you seem to be having trouble coping on your own. Maybe give childline another try and explain to them that your situation has gotten worse and you are finding it harder to deal with.

    Also if you are being blamed for something and you don't understand why you are probably not in the wrong and should not be being blamed in the first place. You should not feel you are in the wrong if you haven't done anything
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't tell my parents and I can't tell you why it not that I'm scared of them or anything. Just a reason I wish not to say and they wouldn't be very supportive anyway there likely to tell my dear siblings who shall make my life a misery untill I'm 18.
    I'm blameing myself for everything stuff I shant have blamed myself for.

    Today I just can't stand life I'm not eating as it's the ramadan month I have a head ace I have pains every where I'm thinking about suicide and why has life treateed me wrong for so long I am unsure I should or shant be on earth no more when will the all mighty Allah take me to heaven. I pray 5 times a day causeing no sins wishing to be dead I have so much more on my mind it's killing me.
    So lost :crying:

    Troubled_Youngster x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you thought of instead cutting yourself, perhaps cutting something else. I know its sometimes the pain and the subsequent released chemicals in the body that cant be replicated by doing other things, but perhaps cutting something inanimate if that might help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But I cut to feel the pain and really hurt my self. My GP has spoken to me many times, and once had referred me to CAHMS I didn't take the offer he suggested several sites as well to look at. What else could I cut but still feal the pain and let my angre and frustration out? I cut so much in one day yet I am still alive on earth :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you tried the 'trick' of pinging rubber bands on your wrists? it is a sharp sudden pain, so that is the pain bit covered.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    skakitty wrote: »
    have you tried the 'trick' of pinging rubber bands on your wrists? it is a sharp sudden pain, so that is the pain bit covered.

    I've tried stabbing my arm with a fork really hard..... I may try that why shant I? Father will buy me some. Hopefully it may work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've tried stabbing my arm with a fork really hard..... I may try that why shant I? Father will buy me some. Hopefully it may work.

    umm... yeah the rubber band trick may work for you, please don't stab your arm with a fork :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    umm... yeah the rubber band trick may work for you, please don't stab your arm with a fork :no:

    It helps though. Or getting myself in to fights I am just not sure if a rubber band will work for me as I cut myself to actuallyy hurt myself near enough to the wrist but not on any veins, life will soon fade away right?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Today I'm having a really crap day I feel like attempting to kill myself I hate my life I wih I was deadI can't take it no more I hate my life hate it hate it hate it can I not pay someone to kill me please I hate my life and unsure of what to do now.

    I have just got bad news mumss argueing people are shouting all I can hear are screems :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's never worth giving upon life, no matter how hard it gets. Is there anywhere you can go to get away from the screams? Do you have a friend you could confide in about the screaming and your bad news?

    Hope everything works out
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No one cares though, nobody does.
    :( I should have suffered in silent. I shant have looked for help. Mother was right I don't need help as I can solve my own problems. I hate my family exspecially my brother and older sister I like my younger sster sometimes she's ok but I hate the rest of my family I'll probaberby be forgotten and left in the shadows soon to die. (:()

    There are a million things the earth has givin us yet life is still hard when I die everyone will celebrate my mum said. I just wish I was left in a empty room hanging of a rope
    :( all my problems solved X(

    Why does nobody understand the pain I have to suffer :crying: Time to end it.

    I have friends many but nome trust worthie, I could never speak to them about this matter as I would hate to be called wierdd :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are a million things the earth has givin us yet life is still hard when I die everyone will celebrate my mum said.

    I am sure your mum didn't mean it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    There are a million things the earth has givin us yet life is still hard when I die everyone will celebrate my mum said. I just wish I was left in a empty room hanging of a rope /QUOTE]

    i find tht some what disturbing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am sure your mum didn't mean it

    She did,
    "Your a waste of time space & money the sooner your dead the sooner we can all celebrate"
    and she doesn't joke around the way she said it sounded seriouse :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why does nobody understand the pain I have to suffer

    Rather than suffer on your own why don't you try and explain how you are suffering so we can try and help? I'm sure your mother or anyone else would not celebrate if you died. If you can't open up to your friends or family why not try opening up to someone here in the forum or your GP? No one is here to judge you, only offer help and advice
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have spoken to my GP he said I sufferr from depression so he got my parents involved because I also told him I self harm alot he got my pareents involved referred me to someone whoI refused to see after the first session. And are you sure about "people wont judge you" part how do I know yeah i dont care and all but still x
    I just can't explain it as you wouldn't really understand :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have spoken to my GP he said I sufferr from depression so he got my parents involved because I also told him I self harm alot he got my pareents involved referred me to someone whoI refused to see after the first session. And are you sure about "people wont judge you" part how do I know yeah i dont care and all but still x
    I just can't explain it as you wouldn't really understand :(

    Why did you refuse to see this person after the first session? I really think it may be worth you trying again with your GP.

    If you wanna have a go at explaining, go ahead. I'm sure people will try and understand :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me not going back is a long story very long and embarassing as well. My Dr has transferred me to many people and has prescribed me medicine as he can't do much unless I decide to talk to one of the several people I've been tranferred to but I hatee humilation and don't want to humiliate myself again :(
    And I'll try and explain in a furtther post if I have the courage to xx
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