Crush.

Former Member

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly six months now and I've recently started really fancying this other guy in work. Last Summer, I had a bit of a 'thing' with this other guy and we kissed a few times but nothing serious happened and it just fizzled out. I've always thought he was good-looking since and still get butterflies around him sometimes but lately I have caught him looking at me and I hardly get to talk to him in work, but even if I have the chance, I can never think of anything funny to say and I get butterflies. Should I flirt with him or should I stop? I love my boyfriend.
I had a dream about this other guy last night. We were in a house kissing and stuff and my boyfriend was in an other house looking for me

Former Member

lyric wrote: »

Should I flirt with him or should I stop? I love my boyfriend.

Do you consider yourself to be a decent human being? And if you do, what do you think is the right thing to do?

Former Member

Depends on what you mean by flirting though, surely?

A little harmless flirting is fine and doesn't make you a bad person.

Kissing people behind your boyfriend's back is probably Not Cool. But that isn't flirting.

Former Member

Do you love your boyfriend enough to stop any malarky that could break you two up, or break his heart?

Former Member

jamelia wrote: »

Depends on what you mean by flirting though, surely?

A little harmless flirting is fine and doesn't make you a bad person.

Kissing people behind your boyfriend's back is probably Not Cool. But that isn't flirting.

The problem with that view is that you are actually messing with the emotions of the other guy. If a girl flirts, most guys will think that they just might be in with a chance. To me, if you allegedly 'love' someone, you don't flirt with other people.

Former Member

I agree, that's why it depends what you mean by flirting.

Leading people on is also Not Cool. But flirting where they also know it is only flirting is harmless, and normal.

The idea that if you love someone you don't ever flirt with anyone else is, in my opinion, ridiculously simplistic and naive. You shouldn't lead people on, but flirting can be harmless, and is healthy, I think.

Former Member

Hmmmm ... well, a definition of flirting would be 'to make playfully romantic or sexual overtures' ... neither of which is suitable, as is the case with Lyric and this guy, whom she has already kissed a few times. I mean, she has titled this topic as 'crush'. It doesn't sound very 'innocent' to me.

Lyric, would your boyfriend feel comfortable if he knew you were flirting with this guy and does he know that you have a 'history' with him? If not, don't flirt.

Former Member

If you are in a loving relationship then flirting with other guys is a big no no :no:

What you think of as harmless fun would probably devestate your boyfriend if he found out.

How would you feel if he was flirting with another girl ??

Former Member

Louisek wrote: »

If you are in a loving relationship then flirting with other guys is a big no no :no:

What you think of as harmless fun would probably devestate your boyfriend if he found out.

How would you feel if he was flirting with another girl ??

I think we were separated at birth.

Former Member

Louisek wrote: »

How would you feel if he was flirting with another girl ??

Well I know I've said this three times now...but surely it depends on what you mean by flirting?

For instance, I'm mature enough and in a stable and secure enough relationship that I don't mind at all if my boyfriend flirts with other women.

I would probably rather not have to watch it, because it would make me feel weird. But I'm sure he does when I'm not around, and it's completely fine.

I think that's the mature response to flirting when you're in a stable, adult relationship. Which I'm not saying this case necessarily is. But I get massively irritated by banal and patently false generalisations like "if you really love someone, you never flirt with anyone else". Yeah, right.

Former Member

jamelia wrote: »

Well I know I've said this three times now...but surely it depends on what you mean by flirting?

For instance, I'm mature enough and in a stable and secure enough relationship that I don't mind at all if my boyfriend flirts with other women.

I would probably rather not have to watch it, because it would make me feel weird. But I'm sure he does when I'm not around, and it's completely fine.

I think that's the mature response to flirting when you're in a stable, adult relationship. Which I'm not saying this case necessarily is. But I get massively irritated by banal and patently false generalisations like "if you really love someone, you never flirt with anyone else". Yeah, right.

:yes:.

I'm sure we've had this discussion before.

Harmless flirting is harmless. Anything further than that, though....

Former Member

jamelia wrote: »

Well I know I've said this three times now...but surely it depends on what you mean by flirting?

For instance, I'm mature enough and in a stable and secure enough relationship that I don't mind at all if my boyfriend flirts with other women.

I would probably rather not have to watch it, because it would make me feel weird. But I'm sure he does when I'm not around, and it's completely fine.

I think that's the mature response to flirting when you're in a stable, adult relationship. Which I'm not saying this case necessarily is. But I get massively irritated by banal and patently false generalisations like "if you really love someone, you never flirt with anyone else". Yeah, right.

I agree - I actually love it when girls start flirting with my boyfriend and he gets a little bit cheeky back. It's a side of him I don't often get to see; after three years together we flirt, but not in the same way as we used to. I also love the reminder that he's an attractive, charming man and I enjoy seeing other girls get a bit flustered around him. It's not saucy or sexually-charged flirting, it's just cheeky banter with a twinkle in his eye.

I know he finds it funny when I flirt with people too - it's part of my nature to engage in good-natured banter and flirting in lots of situations and he just shakes his head and laughs when I come back from the bar with a free round or have made a new friend. I always make some reference to my boyfriend in situations like that, so we both know it's not going anywhere, it's just a fun aspect of interactions between men and women.

To the OP, it sounds like it's gone well past the stage of harmless fun. If you love your boyfriend, you know what the answer is. If this situation makes you realise you don't really love him, then you have a choice to make.

Former Member

I don't think you "love" your boyfriend. It is just too cosy and comfortable to have the security of a steady boyfriend.

Former Member

I agree with the 'flirting is harmless fun' because it's really all about the intent behind the flirting.

Former Member

skakitty wrote: »

I agree with the 'flirting is harmless fun' because it's really all about the intent behind the flirting.

:yes:

Former Member

lyric wrote: »

I've recently started really fancying this other guy in work

That's the part that concerns me. Also, if you flirt, you need to know that the other person knows the boundaries. I wonder if he does.

Former Member

If you do decide to take things further with the new guy, be honest about the boobs, yeah?

Former Member

Big Gay wrote: »

If you do decide to take things further with the new guy, be honest about the boobs, yeah?

haha, this could even be understood as sincere advice. You know all the "I can't show them to him, he thinks they are big." thing

Former Member

Threads like this are pointless. The OP hopes to feel validated in cheating, so hopes for a reply saying 'go for it!'. I suppose at least they must be wrestling with their conscience by needing to ask. However, they won't hear what they want to hear.

Truth is, OP, if you decide to cheat then you're on your own. I'm sure you know right and wrong, so the choice, and consequences, are yours alone.

Former Member

Teagan wrote: »

Do you consider yourself to be a decent human being? And if you do, what do you think is the right thing to do?

The right thing to do is not to flirt with him, but when does harmless flirting stop becoming harmless or is it always harmless?

Former Member

jamelia wrote: »

Depends on what you mean by flirting though, surely?

A little harmless flirting is fine and doesn't make you a bad person.

Kissing people behind your boyfriend's back is probably Not Cool. But that isn't flirting.

I don't even think I know how to flirt properly tbh.

Former Member

G wrote: »

Do you love your boyfriend enough to stop any malarky that could break you two up, or break his heart?

When we first got together, I was sure I loved him. Now I just feel as if we're sailing along.

Former Member

Teagan wrote: »

The problem with that view is that you are actually messing with the emotions of the other guy. If a girl flirts, most guys will think that they just might be in with a chance. To me, if you allegedly 'love' someone, you don't flirt with other people.

This other guy knows I have a boyfriend and actually talks to my boyfriend in work.

Former Member

Teagan wrote: »

Hmmmm ... well, a definition of flirting would be 'to make playfully romantic or sexual overtures' ... neither of which is suitable, as is the case with Lyric and this guy, whom she has already kissed a few times. I mean, she has titled this topic as 'crush'. It doesn't sound very 'innocent' to me.

Lyric, would your boyfriend feel comfortable if he knew you were flirting with this guy and does he know that you have a 'history' with him? If not, don't flirt.

He does know I kissed him a few times last year. Everyone from work knows. We were both drunk and it was just a bit of fun. Nothing came of it, even though, at the time, I really wanted it to.

Former Member

Louisek wrote: »

If you are in a loving relationship then flirting with other guys is a big no no :no:

What you think of as harmless fun would probably devestate your boyfriend if he found out.

How would you feel if he was flirting with another girl ??

I would be angry.

Former Member

Butterflykisses wrote: »

I agree - I actually love it when girls start flirting with my boyfriend and he gets a little bit cheeky back. It's a side of him I don't often get to see; after three years together we flirt, but not in the same way as we used to. I also love the reminder that he's an attractive, charming man and I enjoy seeing other girls get a bit flustered around him. It's not saucy or sexually-charged flirting, it's just cheeky banter with a twinkle in his eye.

I know he finds it funny when I flirt with people too - it's part of my nature to engage in good-natured banter and flirting in lots of situations and he just shakes his head and laughs when I come back from the bar with a free round or have made a new friend. I always make some reference to my boyfriend in situations like that, so we both know it's not going anywhere, it's just a fun aspect of interactions between men and women.

To the OP, it sounds like it's gone well past the stage of harmless fun. If you love your boyfriend, you know what the answer is. If this situation makes you realise you don't really love him, then you have a choice to make.

I'm starting to think there's a problem in our relationship.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

I don't think you "love" your boyfriend. It is just too cosy and comfortable to have the security of a steady boyfriend.

Maybe you're right.

Former Member

Teagan wrote: »

That's the part that concerns me. Also, if you flirt, you need to know that the other person knows the boundaries. I wonder if he does.

He probabley does, he knows my boyfriend and there's no situations where we could even so much as kiss.

Former Member

Big Gay wrote: »

If you do decide to take things further with the new guy, be honest about the boobs, yeah?

Not funny because I already have a consultation booked for my boob job. How immature are you.

Former Member

lyric wrote: »

Not funny because I already have a consultation booked for my boob job. How immature are you.

Not as immature as thinking that inserting a load of plastic into your chest will make you a happier person.

Former Member

Thunderstruck wrote: »

Not as immature as thinking that inserting a load of plastic into your chest will make you a happier person.

A little sensitivity, chap...