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20 y.o and still not there.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me n my girlfriend have recently gone on a break n ive been apart from her for two weeks now. Im still a virgin and weve been together 2 years. Shes the same age as me but was sexually active before me. Ive been scared of losing her because i know she loves me and understands why i havent slept with her yet. Its basically dwn to nerves and anxiety, everytime i go to have sex i make a big deal of it n lose my erection. I think that if we break up im never going to be able to get into a relationship becausr of my lack of sexual experience and thars wats killing me the most about the fact we myt break up. I wanted her to be the one
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That is not necessarily true, and really not helpful.
You say yourself that you make a big deal of it, and then lose your erection and that obviously stops you from going any further. Maybe, if you push the idea of losing your viriginity out of your head, and just focus on having fun with your girlfriend, and not worrying about the end result. Focus on how you can make each other feel good and hopefully this will cut down on the nerves. Make sure theres loads of foreplay and stay clear of any alcohol and always have some condoms ready. So don't think about it like "tonight I will be having sex" just make sure you're always prepared and hopefully when the moment is right it will work for you. If not, and you're still having problems, then it may be worth speaking to a doctor.
Why are you on a break right now? I hope that you can work things out if you're really right for each other, but if not, don't think you're never going to be able to get into a relationship because of your lack of experience. I can only really speak for myself, but I would never see lack of experience as a barrier to having a relationship with anyone. If anything, a lot of "experience" might make me a bit more nervous, but again, there are far far more important things about a relationship then the sexual history of a partner.
Good luck, I hope you can get things sorted
More likely than not.
All breaks seem to do to me is calm both parties down enough, until the same problems sort themselves out. Distance in my eyes isnt as good as actually sorting the problem out.
Let me guess, the break was her idea?
i totally agree with purplestarfish :yes:
Anyway. I hid this from my girlfriend, saying I just hadn't felt like it. So instead I said maybe a different form of contraception would be an idea and she agreed, and started on the pill. Try engaging in lots of foreplay, and, I know it's hard, try not to think about having an erection. Just forget about having sex, just engage in foreplay at first. Maybe even the first few times and then, just as a sort of natural next step have sex. Don't view it as something new and different and scary. Rather as the next logical step of the foreplay.
I hope this helps a bit
I know a couple who had a break for a couple of months, and are now stronger than ever. They saw/slept with other people while they were on that break though. If that happens, it goes two ways - you realise no one comes close, or you realise there's better out there.
Have you guys done... other stuff? Are you going from 0-100 and planning on sleeping together without being intimate at all?
I suggest you move slowly, and progressively. Has she touched you intimately? Have you touched her? Do you guys get physically close, even though you're not having sex?
Instead of jumping into sex, spend the night kissing, and just exploring each others bodies with your hands. You don't necessarily need an erection for that. Kiss her, touch her, caress her, and let her do the same. Get used to the feeling of being that close to her.
Then, you can progress to the next step, and so on.
Also, you might want to explore the reasons why you get so anxious about this. Are you just self conscious? Do you worry that you won't please her? That you're too inexperienced? Obviously she hasn't minded so far - she's still with you. Give her some credit, and put some trust in her.
Sex isn't the most important thing, but you'll need to overcome these issues. Not just to save this relationship, but for future ones, too.
Now, he has three girlfriends (we're polyamorous) and has incredible and kinky sex at least once a day.
You'll make up for your late start, trust me. You just need to learn to relax and not worry about it. It'll happen when it's ready to happen, and when you're ready for it.
the first time is always the worst. if she's as experienced as you say then let her guide proceedings, that'll take a bit of the stress off you.
at the end of the day, relax, have fun and you'll nail it.
figuratively and literally:thumb: