bisexual and in a relationship with a guy

Former Member

I am deeply deeply in love with my boyfriend...I've been with him for some time, and i want to have my children by him, get married, grow old etc etc...

He more than satisfies me sexually...accept for the fact that he doesn't have a pussy! I have been attracted to women for a long time, and have had relations (but not relationships) with other women, and i don't really want to, but there are things that i can do to a woman and she can do for me that a guy just can't...

i don't want to split up with my man, but at the same time is it healthy to just ignore my sexual urges?

I'm really not to sure what to do about it? i don't want my other half to think that he isn't good enough or that i'm not in love with him, because i am. this is just about sex!

Former Member

Is he enough for you sexually or do you feel that you can't live without what women can give you?

Former Member

Hey,
I'm in a very similar situation, I'm bisexual, and I mostly like girls but I'm very much in love with my boyfriend. At first it was a small issue, but now I honestly don't care, I still fancy girls, but I'm not really attracted to anyone but him. I'm pretty lucky, but I see how confusing it can be! What you've really got to decide is if your relationship is absolutly worth not shagging women for! (sorry to be crude) It seems like you're pretty decided and you and your bf have a great relationship. I wouldn't risk it for sexual urges, whether with a man or a woman!

Former Member

its a really tough one...

Sexual stuff asides, our relationship is pretty solid, we've had a seriously rough year with both of us having multiple hospital visits and such, and now we're both much better, sex has come back on the agenda.

I'm really into BDSM, powerswitching, and he's fine with being dominated, but since i was abused in the past, he finds it really hard dominating me. He's fine with me tieing him up, but not tieing me up, and this combined with not having sex with women (which strangely didn't seem like a huge thing in the past?), i'm not feeling hugely satified!

problem is, he's had surgery down there, and he's quite sensitive about being able to perform sexually. I've got no problem with his size or what he does with it, and he does please me physically (apart from the fact that i obviously can't go down on him like a woman, can't really use a strap on with him, cos he doesn't like bum fun! and there are no boobs to play with), but its the psychological side of sex where i need more!

I don't know how to sensitively go about this subject...I certainly do not want to break up with him, thats the last thing on my mind but...at the same time, i'm not going to be happy as i could be in this relationship unless i am getting sexually satisfied.

I feel like i'm being selfish or greedy here... am I?

Former Member

Well... yes, you're being selfish and greedy. Society tells us one partner is enough for us.

How would you feel if he wanted to have sex with a redhead? (assuming you're not)

Um... that's about as much as I can do on arguing against it.

Former Member

i'd change my hair colour!

this is something he can't change...

but hell i do wish i wasn't attracted to women as well...

Former Member

Nah, dye just changes the colour, you can't simulate the texture of a redheads hair.

But that's beside the point - which is bisexuality isn't a good excuse for being unfaithful. On the other hand, monosexuality isn't a good reason to be monogamous either.

Former Member

From a guys perspective...I dont know many men who would ever condemn his girlfriend for wanting to lick a little Vag from time to time. To be honest, it would probably turn him on. You could even bring in a female into the relationship that you guys could share.

Maybe its just my hormones talking, but I would just bring it up to him, maybe bring it up in a playful way (like, when your out in publick, "check out" another female and see what his reaction is). Maybe that can break the ice on the conversation and see what his thoughts are about you being with a female in a sexual way (with or without him). Most guys would love the thought...trust me.

Former Member

you say your deeply in love with him then in all honesty you shouldn't even think about putting that in jepordy over a crush or just a fling with another women, yes, as sevastra says he might be turned on by it but if you go behind his back then most men, no matter what, are gonna be pissed and more than likely just piss off so, don't risk it

Former Member

You're not being selfish or greedy. You've discovered this new thing about yourself, and you want to explore it. That's one of the most natural things in the world.

I know what it feels like to discover something huge about yourself and not be able to think about any else. Are you going to be happy with him now that you've got these new urges? Do you think you'll end up resenting the fact that you're unable to experiment with women while you're with him?

It's hard to choose between something comfortable and loving, and something new, uncertain and a bit scary. You just have to decide whether it's worth the risk.

Does he know that you're attracted to girls?

Former Member

curly_boy wrote: »

you say your deeply in love with him then in all honesty you shouldn't even think about putting that in jepordy over a crush or just a fling with another women

That's easy for you to say. Denying such a huge part of your sexuality is not easy. You can be deeply in love with someone, and still have urges, you know. That fact that you're attracted to your own gender (as well as, or instead of the opposite sex) is an extremely hard thing to ignore.

Don't be so naive.

Former Member

i wasn't saying that she should deny who she is but how would you feel if you were cheated on just because your partner felt like doing it with another person of the same gender?

I agree that she should talk to her bf about it but in no way should she go behind his back

Former Member

curly_boy wrote: »

i wasn't saying that she should deny who she is but how would you feel if you were cheated on just because your partner felt like doing it with another person of the same gender?

I agree that she should talk to her bf about it but in no way should she go behind his back

She never said she was going to cheat on him. Thinking isn't cheating.

Former Member

I've gotta agree with thinking the OP is kinda selfish and greedy. I dont think shes recently discovered her bisexuality, so its not about that, its the fact thats shes not sure if she can stay with her bf without having a girl to play with as well. That to me is definately selfish. Not to mention if my bf said he'd thought about cheating on me, but hadnt done it, i'd still be hugely upset

however to the OP: Try talking to your bf, he might be open to the idea, however you do open a whole can of worms if you bring it up and hes not game. If hes not you have to make a choice, can you stay with him without straying or is this urge to be with women too great.

Hope it all works out

Former Member

To me it doesn't make any difference whether you want to sleep with girls or guys or both. If you are in a relationship which you both understand to be monogamous, then you ignore your urges to sleep with ANYONE else.

If you want to carry on sleeping with both genders then you are better off either single or in an open relationship.

Former Member

AThiefAWhoreAndALiar wrote: »

I've gotta agree with thinking the OP is kinda selfish and greedy. I dont think shes recently discovered her bisexuality, so its not about that, its the fact thats shes not sure if she can stay with her bf without having a girl to play with as well. That to me is definately selfish.

Is it selfish to think about it, though? To feel how she feels? It'd be selfish to demand an open relationship (although not selfish to talk about it), or to cheat on him, but she's not doing that. Feelings aren't selfish, acting on certain ones are.

Not to mention if my bf said he'd thought about cheating on me, but hadnt done it, i'd still be hugely upset

Again, she never said she was thinking about cheating on him. Just that she missed sex with a woman. That doesn't mean she has plans to sleep with someone behind his back.

I'd be surprised if he'd be open to sharing you with another woman (as much of a dream as that sounds to a lot of guys, the reality is quite different). He might be into that, but you have to be extremely emotionally mature and not at all the jealous type.. and the truth is that 90% of people aren't.