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suicidal again...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
so i'm suicidal again:crying: . to be honest i've been suicidal for about three months now and i feel it mounting on me. i don't really know who to turn to as i feel like a faliure for admitting it and i think that i'm better allowing my life to go than try to idolize whats worth saving.
I'm angry that people have faded from my life and i'm sad that i have been someones punch bag in one way or another. I hate looking at me, i feel lost.
I suffer from psychosis and i'm finding the paronoia too much. my bulimia never really did fade, it's just that my doctor hasn't mentioned it so i'd rather stay away from the subject.
i have almost everything planned and i don't know how to let go of it all.
any responce would be appreciated. hope it makes sense.
I'm angry that people have faded from my life and i'm sad that i have been someones punch bag in one way or another. I hate looking at me, i feel lost.
I suffer from psychosis and i'm finding the paronoia too much. my bulimia never really did fade, it's just that my doctor hasn't mentioned it so i'd rather stay away from the subject.
i have almost everything planned and i don't know how to let go of it all.
any responce would be appreciated. hope it makes sense.
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Comments
It sounds like you're having a really tough time just now. I'll be honest by saying that your post concerns me, however, I'm really pleased that you felt able to write your feelings here.
Please, if you're feeling as though you might try and take your own life, call the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90 or 1850 60 90 90 from the ROI). There are some fantastic people there who will be more than willing to talk to you about how you're feeling.
I'm just wondering if you're on any medication for your psychosis? Have you been taking it or has anything changed in your life that may be affecting the medication? Do you feel as though your Psychosis is causing your problems just now?
I'm also wondering if you're safe just now the way you mention tha you hate having been someone's punch bag in one way or another.
There are loads of different agencies / organisations who would be more than willing to try and help you. It can be hard sometimes to ask for help, but it's not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and courage.
yes i'm on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants. it is still a problem i just keep most of it to myself now as i've only come off my section under the mental health act and definately don't want to go back in as i was there for 6 months.
with being a punch bag, it's not now, it's things from my past. some of which i have never opened my mouth about.
i'm very much alone. the thing is i can cope with looking after me but it's like i 'switch' and can't cope with anything.
I will tell you now that talking on here should make you feel like you are not alone. It should be the place where you can let go.
I know that I know nothing about your life but I can say that I can relate to how you are feeling from what you have said. What is it that makes you feel like a failure? what is it that makes you feel alone? I want to know what is causing you to feel so low as surely there must be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.
You have said that you have been used as a punch bag, if this is things in your past....maybe expressing these issues with someone you are close to or a proffessional may help you start a fresh. From personal experience keeping things in can be the worst thing for someone to do. You may not feel like doing this though but it is just a suggestion.
Please just talk to someone for example someone close to you and if not then somebody like the Samaritans etc.
There is a way to get through this, just keep looking forward *hug*
i hope you manage to get the help you want.
I think it is a good thing that you came on here for help.
xx
thank you for your support *hug*
so many things make me feel like a failiure. how i didn't do well as a child or things getting out of hand like my self harming. interaction with others makes me feel a failiure because for some reason people walk straight through me once i've become so caught up in their friendship. i guess what i'm trying to say is that i constantly feel isolated because i'm worthless. sorry if this is confusing there is just so many reasons and thoughts going around in my head...
And dont let the people that have made you feel this way win by ending it all.
You are soo much better than them. =]
Don't let people take you for granted and don't take yourself for granted. Life is very precious, yes there are bad times of course, just concentrate on what you have that is good. and remember the things that you have done well, and praise yourself for it.
I find that when I have achieved something, it helps to treat yourself. Even if it's as small as buying yourself a nice icecream or a new outfit
xx
So glad you've come to the site for help, it's never easy to put down how you're feeling but it certainly can help.
I understand you're scared as you've just come off a section but I want you to think about this If you're not open with the people working with you they can't really help you, whatever it is won't just go away.
Please think about telling them exactly what's going on for you and let us know how you're getting along.
dp
How are things for you today? Did you manage to email your nurse?
We hope that you feel able to keep posting to explore how you are feeling,
Take care
thanks for your comment. i am going to e-mail her today. i've been putting it off because i'm finding it difficult to communicate with her but i think its the right thing to do. hopefully this e-mail will help her understand too.
I still feel really low, though i'm more relaxed today as i took some medication to help with the thoughts and agitation.