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Stuck
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
yeah so i've been self-harming for 5 months and the more i do it the more i like it. I've kept it a secret from my parents and brothers and sisters. My friends really tried to help me at first but i rejected their help, i don't want to see a doctor because i don't want to change, i am not a confident or an outgoing person. But because im not listening to my friends and they really don't like it when i cut, i don't want to drive them away. I try and tell them that i like it and they shouldn't worry, but they obviously do, i can understand that. I know one day they are just going to "give up on me" and we wont be friends anymore. I only feel depressed and suicidal late at night... but i feel really good in the morning. I don't understand it and i don't understand myself anymore. Any ideas guys im stuck?
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I'm really glad you chose to share that with us. It can often be difficult to share things that are so personal to us, even anonymously. So, first of all, well done!
Self harm often becomes a coping mechanism, a way of expressing the pain we feel inside.
It is important that if you're going to self harm that you do so in a way that is safe. It is important that you are aware of basic first aid so that you can treat yourself and ensure you have a well stocked first aid kit.
Make sure that whever you are using to cut yourself is clean and have some first aid supplied nearby so when you do cut yourself you can treat the wounds. Make sure your first aid kit includes anti-septic wipes, bandages, plasters and some medical tape.
Make sure you have a phone handy just in case you need to phone for medical assisstance.
When you're cutting yourself make sure that you don't cut too deep. This will help to ensure that you don't cause yourself too much of an injury and will help to ensure that any scarring isn't too bad.
Also, try and avoid injuring yourself when you have had alcohol or drugs as this may mean that you injure yourself more than you intend to and may prevent you from seeking appropriate help in an emergency situation.
Above all, make sure you are working on other coping mechanisms to help reduce the need to self harm. Techniques such as pinging an elastic band of your wrist or squeezing an ice cube can have the same effect as harming yourself, but cause you less harm (they release the same chemicals in the body as are released when you harm yourself in other ways.
It can also be a good idea to try talking to someone when you feel the need to cut yourself as this can sometimes distract you and mean that you don't need to hurt yourself. There is always someone at ChildLine or the Samaratins who can talk to you when you feel down.
You also mention that you feel suicidal. I'm just wondering if you have you ever made any plans for suicide or attempted to end your own life?
Consider speaking to your GP about it to get a referral to a counsellor or other professional who can help you. It is important that you think about speaking to someone about the things that are causing you to feel this way.
If you're under 18 (as your profile suggests) remember that ChildLine is open 24 hours a day. They are free to contact and they will not show up on your phone bill. The counsellors there are always happy to talk to you about anything at anytime and won't judge you when they talk to you. In a medical emergency always call 999 or in less serious medical cases you can call NHS Direct on 0845 46 47.
There is a lot of value in what Avizandum has said, but I suspect he/she has never self-harmed and does not understand the underlying emotions that are causing this behaviour.
Your friends and your family are the reason to stop and would, if you gave them the chance, be your strength too. You say that you lack confidence and you are not very outgoing, but what you are doing to yourself is creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more you cut, the more scars you create, and the more you will feel the need to hide them/yourself. Self-harm is often a sign that the thing that is causing you most pain is actually beyond your control. You really need to be able to talk to someone about your feelings. Before making an appointment with a counsellor or doctor, perhaps (whenever you feel the need to cut), you could try keeping a diary of the triggers that make you feel this way. And the very act of putting pen to paper may actually alleviate the need to cut so often.
That is an important admission in itself. When you can begin to come to terms with what you are doing to yourself, you will be half way to getting treatment.
For what it's worth, I think an on-line blog is an excellent idea. There are so many free ones that are really easy to set up.
you confuse me because i think you want to stop though the curiousity is making you carry on self harming. i think that only you can change what your opinion is on self harming and i think you don't want to at the moment- from personal experience it's not an enjoyable act, rather a more serious one.
you've had some really good advice already, I just wanted to show you the site's section on self harm. Take a look at it and see what you think.
I really like the idea of an online blog :thumb: even if there are things like you say you don't want to admit to yourself it's a really good way to explore and vent your feelings.
dp