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Coping with abortion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive recently had an abortion, was forced into it a little bit by my fiance hes not ready for kids and after the way he reacted i no that i hd sort of made the right decision. now its really getting to me my friends babys over due and im thinking what if i cant face her because it really hurts! im really down, and need to pick myself up. i havent seen my fiance alot since but everytime i do hes just after sex and i just dont feel im in the right frame of mind for this relationship anymore! anyone else been through this and felt similar feelings that could help please
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this is exactly how i felt after an abortion in similar circumstances. i found this forum helped and one www.afterabortion.com where i got alot of support.
you aren't alone. Some women have a hard time after that experience and some don't. Getting support and coping with your feelings and dealing with it is important. I had mine over four years ago but i think about it on a regular basis and wonder what if? but the pain lessens as time goes on, and i realise now that although i wouldn't make the same decision again, it's done now and no amount of regret and self-punishment can change it. realising that lots of women have regrets and that you aren't the only one will help and you learn to cope with it.
Your fiance's lack of sensitivity indicates maybe he doesn't understand how you feel . or maybe he is blocking feelings out. Talking to him may help you figure some relationship stuff out. The fact you feel forced into the abortion will cause problems, only you can decide if the relationship will survive this experience. communication and hard work, or walk away? in my particular case the fact he would put me through that made me realise that i didn't want to be with him in that relationship anymore and the relationship only lasted another few months. Although it certainly wasn't the final nail in the coffin, it was certainly a major contributing factor to the death of the relationship. This doesnt have to be the case with you - all relationships need work, it's just whether you think its worth the effort or not.
Poor you. Yes, under the circumstances, I'm sure you made the right decision. It would be a terrible thing to have gone ahead and the two of you end up trapped in a marriage with an 'unwanted' child. Desperately sad, for everyone.
However, given that you are due to marry this man, I would be inclined to reevaluate your relationship sooner rather than later. Babies often arrive at inconvenient times in life, but a loving relationship between the parents will withstand the inevitable compromises and sacrifices necessary to its upbringing. A baby is probably the greatest gift a couple ever get, and it seems rather suspect to me that your fiancé pushed you into having an abortion on the basis that he wasn't ready. It is possible that he will never be ready.