Anxious not ignorant

**helen**

Is the title of our latest rant on social anxiety -

http://www.thesite.org/community/reallife/rants/anxiousnotignorant

Food for thought?

Former Member

I think I come across rude sometimes when really I'm just pensive.

My boyfriend has SA.

Former Member

"who has already started" - should be 'had'

Former Member

and prepared instead of 'prepaid' i think.

i sympathise with her but im wondering whether she told her employer after being called into the office that she has sa which she is trying to overcome?

Former Member

I'm also wondering if you suffer with social anxiety if you're really doing the right thing attempting to work as a receptionist.

I'm pretty sure an employer is allowed to discriminate on grounds of suitability for the role. Now if you're too scared to be friendly to strangers, surely that makes you unsuitable for a public facing job?

Former Member

depends if you see social anxiety as a thing to be overcome or uncurable i guess.

Former Member

I think her arguement is weak, it's a bit like a mute not being hired to do telesales complaining about discrimination. Like SM says, it's about suitability for the job.

Former Member

but it's important to challenge yourself and if your employee is anyway decent they should encourage you to do so too. she must have been doing something right otherwise she wouldnt have got the job.

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

depends if you see social anxiety as a thing to be overcome or uncurable i guess.

I'd reckon either way someone with social anxiety that affects their ability to interact with people is unsuitable for a consumer facing role. Much is the same way someone with visual impairment is unsuitable to lifeguard and someone in a wheel chair is unsuitable as a mountain leader.

**helen**

katralla wrote: »

"who has already started" - should be 'had'

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

and prepared instead of 'prepaid' i think.

Thanks proofies

Former Member

of course but those are physical disabilities which cant really be overcome. although i dont have sa, im a very shy person and meeting new people or giving a presentation is an ongoing battle for me but im not going to 'shy away' (harhar) from any challenges. on a personal level, being a shy person doesnt make me unsuitable for a customer facing role. i like to think im polite and friendly. i would have hoped that cheyenne's employee would be a bit more understanding if she told them she had s.a and that she was working very hard to overcome it.

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

i like to think im polite and friendly.

And if you are then its not a problem. But obviously she wasn't being otherwise no one would have noticed the problem.

Former Member

Scary Monster wrote: »

And if you are then its not a problem. But obviously she wasn't being otherwise no one would have noticed the problem.

hm, given that she smiled at a colleague im gonna assume she was.

it was a bit unfair to get negative feedback and not to be given the chance to do anything about it.

Former Member

Scary Monster wrote: »

And if you are then its not a problem. But obviously she wasn't being otherwise no one would have noticed the problem.

I don't know. I'm shy to the point where I find it difficult to speak to new people in a social setting, and that is often taken as me being rude even though (to me) I am clearly nervous because it's not like I'm ignoring them, I just avoid eye contact and speak quietly and answer questions in really short answers. But still, I'm seen as rude because I'm not confident and talkative.

When it comes to work though, I change completely, if not with my co-workers then at least with the customers. I actually would never apply for a receptionist job if I had the same problems in work as I do in social situations. Never. Like I am seriously going to try and avoid jobs which involve me making calls all day because it's something I find incredibly difficult to do.

Former Member

Without wishing to belittle Cheyenne's problem, isn't this what we used to call "shyness"? Often we label people who appear ill at ease in company "shy", though their symptoms might vary from a general 'quietness' to full-on shakes. And yet, I can't remember any of my contemporaries being diagnosed with SA. I wonder, today, how many people suffer from crippling shyness, without realising that therapy is available.

I was never particularly out-going as a youngster, and often got criticised in my first jobs for being quiet and, yes, people thought me rude for not being particularly smiley or talkative. I think it took meeting my second husband (aged 32!) before I was totally confident in a social setting.