Bullying

Former Member

I've been living in France for the past 4 months working as an au pair. I've got two months left here, but it's only really just come out of the woodworks that the little boy I'm looking after is being bullied at school.

It's their first day back after the school holidays here, and he came home for lunch in such a bad mood and hitting me on the bum and throwing things, and then I asked for a cuddle and he went all clingy and had a cry. (He's 4 btw).

During the holidays I was asking him and his sister (who is 3) about school, the little girl loves it, and he said he didn't like it because his 'friends' hit him etc etc... I asked him if he tells the teacher when it happens and he said he does and she tells them off, but he doesn't like her because he gets in trouble for shouting in class.

I asked him if he hits the other kids too, and he said he does because his daddy has told him to defend himself and if someone hits him to hit them back (thanks a lot Dad)... Don't really know how to tackle this problem.
He'd been behaving really really well all day until we had this chat and then he immediatly started being violent and throwing things around and had to go and have a run outside.

I want to try and keep him calm at home, but it's difficult after/before school because he's obviously wound up... But I know he can behave because he was lovely during the holidays. And I want to be able to help with the situation but I don't really know what I can do.

Any advice?

Former Member

Possibly best not to say anything. 4 is young, and the parents may well see any involvement by you as interfering with how they'd like to raise their son. Keep in mind you're only there for another couple of months...

I don't know. I never had an au pair, so it may be that they do expect you to become involved with such things?

Former Member

I would maybe mention it to his parents. Not that you disagree with his father telling him to hit back but that he has got in trouble for it

Former Member

There is no need to get into a discussion about the father's advice to his son. However, this child has confided in you and you owe it to him to pass what he has said about the other children on to his parents. Tell them that the other children are being unkind, and you are worried for him as you notice how being back at school has affected his behaviour. Let the parents decide whether or not to take it up with the school.

Former Member

Have you spoken to his parents about the bullying at all? If not, I think it would be a good idea. Not necessarily to tell the dad he is wrong in his approach, just so you can agree on a unified approach to the whole thing - how to deal with things at home etc.

Former Member

Maybe trying to talk it through with his school teacher would help. There may be things that he isn't telling you but that they've noticed when he is at school. At least then you would have a clearer view of what is actually going on. x