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...I just don't know...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am so in love with my boyfriend but it appears as tho the relationship is completely one sided as this love is not reciprocated. I have previously been in a number of long term relationships but none have ever meant as much as this one but even after a year of being together the relationship doesn't quite mean so much to my bf. I know he has treated me badly but I am forever thinking about him and I can't stop loving him! I don't think I would cope if i left him. I don't know what to do?
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Everything was fantastic at first and we were friends for a while before dating and then eventually going out. But when he introduced me to his friends (when we first started going out) they forced him to tell me the truth- he still had a girlfriend who he had still being seeing whilst dating me. He had been with this girl two years but finished her for me.
My new relationship gave me something I had never had before- confidence and self esteem. But after a few months his ex started trying to befriend my bf's friends and his mum. One of his friends then started to try and split us up and get my bf back with his ex bcus he was fed up of her phoning him telling him she misses my bf. Eventually I discovered that my bf was sending flirty texts to his ex which really hurt me and I completely lost trust in him. There was a couple of weeks where he couldn't make his mind up if he wanted me or her but he still then chose me.
Even though we have come a long way since then, a recent conversation revealed that my bf has never loved me as much as he loved her which makes the relationship feel akward and wrong from my perspective. But he told me that they were together a long time and I just need to give us some more time and he will feel the same way about me. But I'm not so sure.
He tells me his friends are his life and i'm not allowed to be 'involved' anymore- I'm not allowed to visit him if he has friends around. He always changes plans with me so he can spend time with his friends but the one time I asked him to change his plans with his friends so we could go out he shouted at me. I am only alllowed to phone him certain times on certain days but he can phone me when he likes tho he never ever does. We used to gout every single week, and in a year of being together he has paid twice. He has only ever been on time when meeting me once (in a whole year) but if I ask him to change he accuses me of being controlling or reminds me of how is ex was so laid back with him. When he spends time with me he will put a film on or play on the playstation and i feel ignored. Everytime I'm upset (bear in mind i suffer from depression) he tells me if i don't stop crying he will leave me or he walks off in a strop and goes home. And if I try and talk to him he will sit there in silence and the suddenly say by then if its over the phone, or snigger at me or pretend not to listen if its face to face. Don't get me wrong we have had some really good times too and things have just gradually come to be like this over time. He acts like such a jerk but I love him and i don't understand why or know what to do.
Worth fighting for if you want it, but how long would you let the status quo carry on before you thought it wasnt worth it anymore?
Its clear that you're staying with him because you enjoy the attention and it boosts your self esteem but staying with him will make it even worse. Finish it now, it may hurt for a while but soon you will see that you're better off without him.