Poem: Infliction

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't make a sound,
as it touches my skin,
no cries no screams,
just me and my sin.

My tears run silent,
as if they weren't there,
one question in mind,
does anyone care?

Knowing the answer,
i cannot stop,
deeper and deeper,
i watch the blood drop.

One for you,
and one for me,
one for the love,
that can never be.

It rips it saws,
it tears it shreds,
my broken layers,
reveal im' dead.

I feel no pain,
of which i inflict,
i continue to lose,
in the game of conflict.

In my own hell,
i shall stay,
cutting and weeping,
until my dying day.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awesome. i like. it's so true.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Structurally and rhythmically it is good but the topic just screams shite.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aside from being spectacularly cliche (I don't have anything against poems on this subject so long as they are well written), I find it hard to take poems like this seriously when they rhyme. Especially when it's blatant rhyme like this one. They work better when they flow, which this doesn't, really, and some of the grammar/punctuation needs working on.

    Erm...I don't like it, basically. Sorry...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hhhmm.. I agree with Franki on the rhyme. I, personally, think poems like this work better when they seem to have been writen from the poets point of view. And, I don't think anyway, that rhyme is very personal.
    If that makes sense?
    Xx
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