Another of Broken-Angels suicidal threads...

Former Member

I'm just so... so low :crying: I just feel like I'm done with this world now, I'm ready to leave. I haven't taken any pills or anything but I just can't stop crying...
I want to be happy. But... I just can't be. I can smile, and laugh, but I'm not happy.
Why can't I be happy :crying: :crying:

Former Member

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Former Member

please dont give up, i LOVE you

Former Member

I think everyone on here loves you too BA

*hug*

Former Member

No body loves me, well I don't know. But I hope no body cares, I'm not worth that.

I've started writing suicide letters to people every night, I have a list in my head of people I will write them to. I wont give them to them, not these ones anyway, but the lists getting shorter and shorter. I've done about 5 so far... I don't know what I'll do with them when I've reached the end of my list.
Xx

Former Member

Have you considered writing down what you want to say to these people without the finality of suicide to make you put pen to paper? I presume you're being open about what you want to say to them but stop yourself from saying these things normally.

The truth is we can choose to say anything to people, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. If there are things you want to say to people then doesn't that mean you'd like to hear what they'd write or say back?

Given you're so low you've got to this point, would it hurt to try and open up to some of the people you are writing to? Or actually just write a letter without it being a suicide note - it's a surprisingly powerful and expressive medium, much maligned by the interwebbery

Former Member

Thanks Jim, and everyone else.
I don't know if I could speak to them... I don't know what they'd say. They know how I feel but... I don't know. I might think about it, but I wouldn't know where to start really. I don't know if they'd even care or know what to say in response.
Oohh
Xx

Former Member

I think people can care more than we realise. It's a cold, hard person who doesn't feel for those around them. Sometimes it's easy to pretend to be happy or to just accept that someone else is just pretending to be happy, it doesn't mean they wouldn't be open to actually talking about what you're going through.

Maybe take a look at what you've been writing, you might find that those letters contain a lot of what you'd like to talk to them about. And you might find they don't know exactly what to say in response right aware but remember that's not the same as not caring

Former Member

hold on honey. you have a very wise head on young shoulders and i truly promise you that if you can work through this, life will be much brighter on the other side. keep talking x

Former Member

i just wanted to say a lot of people have surprised me recently when i've been low. i thought they would be angry or unsupportive but two especially have really come through for me.

i'm sure this would be the case for you and i hope you are surprised by how supportive people can be. even though it may not cure how low you are feeling it is good to know people are there. i think jim's idea of writing a letter to someone may help. can you think of a specific person that you could use as a sort of tester? perhaps the person you trust the most to respond to this well? i think it'd be scary but an enormous relief once you have the support of one more person and to know that you are not alone.

Former Member

Sometimes its hard to see exactly how much people think and care about you.

Former Member

Yeah I agree with jim V, instead of writing a suicide note, pour your heart out onto paper to yourself, you'll be suprised how clear it can make things seem and the problem that your having will highlight itself in your own writing, You seem to be a smart level headed girl for your age and these few years you go through will be the hardest in your life, but remember its your life and you have to do the things and hang round with the people that remind you that there are so many good things to enjoy and experince as time goes by! Try not to summerge yourself in suicidal thoughts, instead go out for a walk, call a friend make plans...
Also a good read for you is The Secret..Look it up, it may help..

Former Member

Heyy,
Thanks everyone.
Ooohh I met a really nice guy yesterday... and we got pretty close (nothing below the top half though) but he lives in norway :impissed: Why do all the nice guys have to live really far away?
And my friend has been calling me a whore because of it, we were walking through the town we stayed in (went to a gig on thursday) and we walked past Ann Summers and she goes "That's Nemo's fave shop." AND she kept saying I was a slut, and a dirty whore. JUST because she was jelous! She was going to me "Can't you just let me have one guy? One fucking guy?" But... I never get the nice guys. Shes under some kind of impression I get all the lovely, fit, bangable guys! But that so isn't true! For the last few years most of them have been 20+ year old freaks. OOOOHHH shes really made me angry!!! AND when I was talking to the Oskar (the kid from Norway) she kept answering for me. Like, he asked me for my MSN, and she said to him "Oh, I'll facebook you it when I get home" so I said to her "I can speak or myself." And she got all moody. The thing is, he didn't even like her and she said I'd stolen him from her... He thought she was a bitch. Which, right now, I am thinking too.
Xx

Former Member

Your friend sounds jealous, don't let it annoy you, I find this sort of childish behaviour quite amusing! I would be flattered whilst accepting that she isn't a real friend!

Former Member

Oh my god... now she's going on (on msn) about this guy she stood next to at the gig. Shes like "I loved him, I'll never see him again, I want to die." HOW DOES SHE THINK I FEEL?!?! I really liked that guy {Oskar} and I know he liked me too...
AND she doesn't get that we are both in the same situation. Shes just said "I don't want to be mean, but right now I want to be loved not cried on" AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Right now I'm really upset about the whole fact a guy I really like LIVES IN NORWAY.
Ohhh fucking AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Xx

Former Member

Fish, sea, more of yeah...

Former Member

I can't cope anymore :crying: I really can't. And the sad thing, I can't even be bothered to try.

Former Member

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that low again.

Can you tell us what's been going on?

I'd really like to offer you some support if you can face typing about it?

Former Member

What's up BA?

*hugs*

Former Member

Stay strong BA, try to find that positive vibe you had last week.

Thinking of you x

Former Member

I'm ill. But I can't be fixed. I don't want to be fixed.

Former Member

BA

You don't need to be fixed - you're not broken... I don't believe in broken people. There is hope.... events in life aren't just one continuous downhill struggle. There are good days, and even if you don't have any 'good' days soon, there will be days when things don't quite feel as bad.

I know how hard it is when things don't seem to be improving, and how sometimes wanting to want to be better is just as difficult. But if you can just continue to fight and be as transparent as possible with your feelings, things will appear that you never thought were there, people who you never thought could offer support, may well just become available to you.

If you can somewhere find the courage to keep on going, you'll see that there is more to life than this. I can't explain it but like... you may be holding on to all of these things that you think make you feel better, but in reality it makes life so much harder. If it did make things easier... everyone would be doing the things you do.

I guess some days its easy to lose sight of why there is a point to fighting all of this, but it is worth it. I'm sure you've had hopes and dreams, even if you can't feel them right now. Dig deep, and try and find some motivation for fighting through.

Take care

Former Member

What would you do... If you hated someone so much you actually loved them?
I can't explain it... but it hurts. It really hurts. He is such a cunt to me, he has been for all the years I've known him, but I fucking love him... I think.

Former Member

Broken-Angel wrote: »

What would you do... If you hated someone so much you actually loved them?
I can't explain it... but it hurts. It really hurts. He is such a cunt to me, he has been for all the years I've known him, but I fucking love him... I think.

It is quite a common syndrome. People sometimes crave the negative attention in an abusive relationship simply because they feel it is the only attention they get. Could this be true of you? Anyway, I can only echo the words of others when I say, stay strong. We value you.

Former Member

Thanks everyone, I know I'm probably sounding like a broken record. But I just feel so down now.
It's nice to know that people do care
I love you all
B-A
Xx

Former Member

I hope you're ok BA.

Former Member

Broken-Angel wrote: »

Heyy,
Thanks everyone.
Ooohh I met a really nice guy yesterday... and we got pretty close (nothing below the top half though) but he lives in norway :impissed: Why do all the nice guys have to live really far away?
And my friend has been calling me a whore because of it, we were walking through the town we stayed in (went to a gig on thursday) and we walked past Ann Summers and she goes "That's Nemo's fave shop." AND she kept saying I was a slut, and a dirty whore. JUST because she was jelous! She was going to me "Can't you just let me have one guy? One fucking guy?" But... I never get the nice guys. Shes under some kind of impression I get all the lovely, fit, bangable guys! But that so isn't true! For the last few years most of them have been 20+ year old freaks. OOOOHHH shes really made me angry!!! AND when I was talking to the Oskar (the kid from Norway) she kept answering for me. Like, he asked me for my MSN, and she said to him "Oh, I'll facebook you it when I get home" so I said to her "I can speak or myself." And she got all moody. The thing is, he didn't even like her and she said I'd stolen him from her... He thought she was a bitch. Which, right now, I am thinking too.
Xx

you said you don't include the Xx when your pissed off

Former Member

Broken-Angel wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I know I'm probably sounding like a broken record. But I just feel so down now.
It's nice to know that people do care
I love you all
B-A
Xx

love you to B-A

Former Member

Knoppix wrote: »

you said you don't include the Xx when your pissed off

I wasn't pissed off at anyone on here. I used to write Crying-Angel or C-A at the end of all my posts But it took too long, and some people got a bit annoyed.
Xx

Former Member

Broken-Angel wrote: »

I wasn't pissed off at anyone on here. I used to write Crying-Angel or C-A at the end of all my posts But it took too long, and some people got a bit annoyed.
Xx

oh right