If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Am I doing the right thing?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I wanted to put this out there to see if I could get some candid responses to my relationship dilemma. I'll try and keep this as short as possible, sorry for the essay.
Up until about a week ago I was in a long distance relationship, we'd been going out for nearly 9 months, the distance between us is around 80 miles. We saw each other 2-3 times a week, I used to drive to her's on Tuesday nights after work and she used to come to mine on Friday nights and spend some of the weekend, she would go home most weekends on the Sunday to catch up with friends etc.
The main reason she'd come to mine on the weekends was she had to move back in with her parents so wanted to get away from the house. I'm 34 and she is 26 btw.
Firstly the bond between us is very strong, we love each other deeply and we get on brilliantly, lots of chat and laughter too. In all intense purposes she is the girl I've always wanted. The reason for the recent break up is we started talking about our future together, it had to happen at some point because we'd been together nearly a year and like I said we are deeply in love.
Here in lies the problem, I have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship, he is very much part of my life and lives 5 minutes down the road, I see him at least 3 times a week. I'm also a director of a local company so have a very good career here, I therefore can't realistically move 2 hours away from my son and job and I feel that if I did I would resent her for it eventually, regardless if how much I love her. Visa Versa she doesn't want to leave her home town, mainly because of her Mum whom she is extremely close to and she has a very close group of friends, I respect this and believe she would resent me eventually for the same reasons if she moved to be with me.
To cut this story short I basically ended the relationship as I believed it was doomed because of the fact I couldn't move and she felt she couldn't either. Now I'm left wrestling with my the idea that I'm throwing away a girl I love and adore, but at the same time knowing that trying to make it work would be near on impossible because of our commitments. I've been in a couple of relationship ending situations, but this is completely different as we both still completely love each other and still talk and text each other daily, it really is the hardest thing I've ever been through.
I suppose I'm looking for comments on what people's take on this is and sorry for the lengthy post
I wanted to put this out there to see if I could get some candid responses to my relationship dilemma. I'll try and keep this as short as possible, sorry for the essay.
Up until about a week ago I was in a long distance relationship, we'd been going out for nearly 9 months, the distance between us is around 80 miles. We saw each other 2-3 times a week, I used to drive to her's on Tuesday nights after work and she used to come to mine on Friday nights and spend some of the weekend, she would go home most weekends on the Sunday to catch up with friends etc.
The main reason she'd come to mine on the weekends was she had to move back in with her parents so wanted to get away from the house. I'm 34 and she is 26 btw.
Firstly the bond between us is very strong, we love each other deeply and we get on brilliantly, lots of chat and laughter too. In all intense purposes she is the girl I've always wanted. The reason for the recent break up is we started talking about our future together, it had to happen at some point because we'd been together nearly a year and like I said we are deeply in love.
Here in lies the problem, I have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship, he is very much part of my life and lives 5 minutes down the road, I see him at least 3 times a week. I'm also a director of a local company so have a very good career here, I therefore can't realistically move 2 hours away from my son and job and I feel that if I did I would resent her for it eventually, regardless if how much I love her. Visa Versa she doesn't want to leave her home town, mainly because of her Mum whom she is extremely close to and she has a very close group of friends, I respect this and believe she would resent me eventually for the same reasons if she moved to be with me.
To cut this story short I basically ended the relationship as I believed it was doomed because of the fact I couldn't move and she felt she couldn't either. Now I'm left wrestling with my the idea that I'm throwing away a girl I love and adore, but at the same time knowing that trying to make it work would be near on impossible because of our commitments. I've been in a couple of relationship ending situations, but this is completely different as we both still completely love each other and still talk and text each other daily, it really is the hardest thing I've ever been through.
I suppose I'm looking for comments on what people's take on this is and sorry for the lengthy post
0
Comments
I agree. If neither of you are willing compromise, as you say, one of you will end up resenting the other.