Teenage 'friends'

Former Member

I'm now 25 and I was just out jogging earlier when I ran into a blast from the past. Between around the ages of 5 and 20 I played football in a local park with people who lived around the area - it was organised by my Mum's friend's husband.

I'll be honest I was always a sensitive child and teenager, but some of them were nasty from an early age. My Dad said x and y always were nasty.

I'd never really hung around with them at all before my GCSES, but on the way down from school after one of the exams one of them asked me if I wanted to play football later and I thought nothing of it and said yes.

Between 16 and 18 prior to going to university I hung around with them a lot. I thought they were friends, but their behaviour changed. The summer of my GCSES there were no problems, but in L6 2 or 3 of them said things quite frequently to me like 'you are disgusting', you boring b*****, you've got nothing going for you, you ugly freak.

They took drugs, drank a lot, but I feel I took on what they said and it affected me quite a lot.

I thought they were friends and out of the group of 10 I would say 7 were ok and 3 not good people.

I think I was loyal to them as I'd known them a long time, but as a teenager at an all-boys school I don't think their words helped me - I was always shy and sensitive.

Anyway when I was jogging today I ran into one of them and I stopped briefly. He asked me why I didn't phone them or see them anymore and I just said it was one of those things and then went on running.

Several years ago I deleted their phone numbers and I think it was a good decision. The person I saw today I remember him saying at his house when I was 18 how 'if I'm honest we haven't been very good friends to you.' I ran into a guy peripheral to the group on the bus in 2008 who asked if I still saw them and I said no. He said they had been nasty to him and it was the way they had been brought up.

But for me their words affected the way I viewed myself and this played a role when I had psychotic episodes at university (long story.) I think it lowered my self esteem and confidence and I believed what they said (it turns out I made plenty of nice friends and did fine with girls)

I just feel confused - today it seems like he was saying how come we don't see you anymore, but I think I'm well within my rights to not see them.

Having read this, what do you think ? It's something that is quite important to me as I feel it affected me a lot and I don't regret the decision to not see them at the end of the day and feel happy now, so I think that is key.

Former Member

I think you did the right thing. They might have changed, but, it's more likely that they didn't even see how the things they said and did could affect you (back then, and not now either) and those aren't the kinds of people anybody needs as friends. If you bump in to them again, I would do the same as you did this time, smile, be polite but move on and get on with your life without them.

Former Member

You've definitely done the right thing. I've cut off ties with 'friends' and even though it can be awkward after, it's the best thing for you to do.

Former Member

Ive had people come up to me when I have been visiting home, and both them and the people they were with were naturally shocked when I was abrupt with them. Fair enough I know people can change, but why should I make the time and effort for someone who is pretending like they have been my long lost best friend, when all they did when I was younger, was be a complete dickhead towards me.

Former Member

Hi,

Thanks for the replies. Quite possibly they didn't realise their words affected me, but I don't need them in my life. People at university were great and I've made some good friends in a film club since moving back from university in 2007.

I think that being polite if I do run into them, but generally just getting on with my life if I do run into them is best.