Ahh. Life sucks!

Former Member

Well. not everything about it. The only three things that mean anything in this world to me are my amazing boyfriend and one brilliant friend and my horse.

Everything else is just in a downwards spiral and I really cant handle it anymore. I've been self harming for almost a year now. Started off as scratching with scissors, biting my arms and digging my nails into my legs. Then I found a blade. I never do much harm, generally just minor cuts to my upper leg. But last night I lost it. I dont even know why. I dont know if its exam stress at the moment or whatever. I cut my arm (which I promised myself I would never do) and it hurts so much. Its a pathetic attempt to hurt myself, doing more mental damage than physical. I feel ashamed of myself. I should be stronger than this.

Recently I feel like all of my friends have abandoned me, with no real reason being clear in my head. My so called best friend would rather spend time with other people and only contacts me when she needs something. I hate it because we used to be very close, now she feels like a stranger and I feel like I cant tell her anything anymore. My other friends just dont seem to care anymore and it hurts because I'd like to say I have always been there from them all at some point, even when my life has been on the rocks.

I think I've failed all my exams bar one so far, which really gets me down because I'm usually really strong in school and have been achieving top grades all this school year. I just cant face going back to school and being faced with having to tell someone why I didnt do as wel as I should have. I did revise lots, sometimes locking myself in my room for days on end. I'm just so stressed and feel worn out. I'm so tired all the time. I think I'm just tired of trying to preten everything is ok.

My boyfriend, who couldnt be a better support to me, is fantastic and I love him so so much. But I just cant tell him what I did. I want to but I know he understands and I dont want him to worry about me. He is quite sensitive and gets worried if I cry etc. I just dont know what to do. And I'm sorry for the long post. I just needed to talk because I have no one else. :banghead:

Former Member

hun, you shouldnt feel ashamed for cutting your arm, when you get that desperate sometimes you act without thinking (trust me i know) dont beat yourself up about it. you really do need to tell someone at school when you go back because they will understand. If you cant say it then try writing it down and giving what you want to say to a teacher or whoever you like in your school that you think can help you and understand. I know your boyfriend may be sensitive but is there any way you could think about telling him? he sounds like a nice person and you need people that can help you.

I wish you all the best of luck and i hope you get it off your chest x

Former Member

Heyy love,
I've been harming for many years and I'll tell you this:
1) Clean the blade every time
2) Clean the cuts
3) Go to hospital if you need to
4) Wear a rubber band round your wrist, and flick it GENTLY if you get stressed instead of cutting straight away. Try that first.

And, I'm sure your exams will be fine. I know it can be very stressful, but in the long run it's worth it. Think of the better jobs you can get with the exams, you could get paid more and have a nice house. I'm sure that's worth a few months of stress :-) Good luck in them aswell.

And, you don't have to tell anyone about your self harm if you don't want to. But I would encourge you to get help with it, like therapy or councelling.
Good luck,
Xx

Former Member

thanks.
just feel lower than low today. had a horrible nose bleed this morning. which tells me exactly how stressed I am as I only get them when I'm really struggling.
Sometimes...I wonder why I bother going through with another day of this hell.

Former Member

re

Hi young_and_broken,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low at the moment. Self harm is often a coping measure to cope with stress and strain. You've mentioned strain with friendships and exams. could you speak to a tutor or your mates about your stress? and if not you can come here to talk?

take care and keep posting:wave:

Former Member

I am now considering writing things down and giving it to a close teacher. I need help.

Former Member

thankyou

it will all be better once people start to know, i was terrified what people would say, and you dont have to tell everyone x hope your alright x

Former Member

re

hey young_and_broken ,

Sounds tough for you, dealing with your feelings and feeling that you cant talk to your mates, is there anything you would like to talk about here?

Writing down how you feel also sounds like a good idea:) , it may help you become more in touch what your feeling.

Remember there are also counselling services out there where you could talk to a professional confidentially.

Keep posting:wave: