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I'm a social fuckup (long post)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all,
Long thread probably, but please read.
I'm 18, my life ahead of me. Though a fair few years ago, I was on top of everything - (say about age 15) - since then I have completely abandoned ship. I lost everything in a short period of time - for example, I was extremely fit, extremely motivated, and had a clear, concise albeit idealistic sense of direction.
Where am I now? At age 18? In a rut. No, 5.9 feet under.
Since about age 17 - though I've aimed for it all the same, I can't either relate or effectively communicate with other people my age. I know how social custom and it's generic shite works, I'm not the "idiot" people seem to think I am - And I'm NOT nearly half as timid and Innocent as I helplessly portray. Emotionally, I'm extremely tough, and I'm willing to stand my life in front of what I believe to be "right".
Problem is, I just can't stop giving the public impression I'm a timid little boy.
People seem to invariably like me (as a friend) whoever it is, from the start - but after a while loose interest (still as a friend)
I'm a pretty sensitive lad, but I frequently put myself in, and enjoy "tough" social situations. On the outside, I know I appear just like anyone else, but quite occasionally quite reserved, shy, timid - and in workplace situations (Though this this is NOT the case) - a bit naive. People think I'm an idiot actually, but I'm not.
I'm not extremely social or anything like that, and funnily enough feel no desire to be - but instead I'm plainly socially able (but unmotivated by most things social). I'm definitely "introverted" but I actually pick up on things (In a social context) quicker than most in my experience, and emotionally relate to people better - but know in most cases it would be inappropriate to express that, stupidly.
For example, yesterday in work I said to someone in polite conversation "Did the taxi I called yesterday come on time?" As we were working quite late but I jumped a black cab and called a private cab on their request for them, from an "Untested" cab company (as it was a saturday night and all the others had extremely long waiting times 2+ hours). I was ultimately making polite conversation. My reward for showing genuine concern was turning round and overhearing bitching amongst someone else about how I asked such a "weird" question and how I'm a weirdo. What the fuck? Why should I bother. That's just one occasion you may say, but it's the story of my social life - perpetually but inexcusably awkward.
I am a bit ditsy though. In my head it's crystal clear but sometimes I don't say what I mean and I don't pay enough attention to what I'm physically doing. People frequently misunderstand what I say sheerly by the abstract context I use, though it's completely unintentional and innocent. You could say I'm a bit "absent minded"/preoccupied. When I listen to people, I concentrate more on making sure they know I'm listening and "being nice", and delay in actually responding. I'm essentially a social retard but completely misunderstood because I know how it all works, and I used to be "popular" but I've developed something about me that makes me "enviable", even as a friend. People just respect me less the more respect I offer them, perhaps I should do the opposite, but It's my belief that respect=respect. All my life I feel I've gave more than half I've received, and it makes me feel like a bit of a mug.
At the same time though, I'm NOT socially inept, As I said, I know how to deal with people. My job even involves sole dealing with people and tolerating so much bullshit from others. Most people I meet I make a warm/friendly connection with. It's long lasting associations I struggle with, and I can't seem to maintain a friendship or even develop one right now. I used to be the most popular kid in my year when in school, now all my relationships are colleague based, and I never interact with them outside of work.
People think I'm a walkover, and an idiot by the outward accessible perception I portray. Yet I've sailed the north sea by sail and took great responsibility's in so many different voluntary organisations. I'm not stupid, I'm not useless and I contribute so much more to society than people think. It frustrates me the way I'm treated, at work and as a "friend".
I can't seem to project the personality I actually have and it's killing me mentally, It feels like I'm completely loosing myself. Truth is, I don't understand friendships with people my age (18) - they seem so conditional and inconsequential. I relate better to those older than me, but struggle to get them to relate to me.
Life is fucking shit.
Any advice?
Long thread probably, but please read.
I'm 18, my life ahead of me. Though a fair few years ago, I was on top of everything - (say about age 15) - since then I have completely abandoned ship. I lost everything in a short period of time - for example, I was extremely fit, extremely motivated, and had a clear, concise albeit idealistic sense of direction.
Where am I now? At age 18? In a rut. No, 5.9 feet under.
Since about age 17 - though I've aimed for it all the same, I can't either relate or effectively communicate with other people my age. I know how social custom and it's generic shite works, I'm not the "idiot" people seem to think I am - And I'm NOT nearly half as timid and Innocent as I helplessly portray. Emotionally, I'm extremely tough, and I'm willing to stand my life in front of what I believe to be "right".
Problem is, I just can't stop giving the public impression I'm a timid little boy.
People seem to invariably like me (as a friend) whoever it is, from the start - but after a while loose interest (still as a friend)
I'm a pretty sensitive lad, but I frequently put myself in, and enjoy "tough" social situations. On the outside, I know I appear just like anyone else, but quite occasionally quite reserved, shy, timid - and in workplace situations (Though this this is NOT the case) - a bit naive. People think I'm an idiot actually, but I'm not.
I'm not extremely social or anything like that, and funnily enough feel no desire to be - but instead I'm plainly socially able (but unmotivated by most things social). I'm definitely "introverted" but I actually pick up on things (In a social context) quicker than most in my experience, and emotionally relate to people better - but know in most cases it would be inappropriate to express that, stupidly.
For example, yesterday in work I said to someone in polite conversation "Did the taxi I called yesterday come on time?" As we were working quite late but I jumped a black cab and called a private cab on their request for them, from an "Untested" cab company (as it was a saturday night and all the others had extremely long waiting times 2+ hours). I was ultimately making polite conversation. My reward for showing genuine concern was turning round and overhearing bitching amongst someone else about how I asked such a "weird" question and how I'm a weirdo. What the fuck? Why should I bother. That's just one occasion you may say, but it's the story of my social life - perpetually but inexcusably awkward.
I am a bit ditsy though. In my head it's crystal clear but sometimes I don't say what I mean and I don't pay enough attention to what I'm physically doing. People frequently misunderstand what I say sheerly by the abstract context I use, though it's completely unintentional and innocent. You could say I'm a bit "absent minded"/preoccupied. When I listen to people, I concentrate more on making sure they know I'm listening and "being nice", and delay in actually responding. I'm essentially a social retard but completely misunderstood because I know how it all works, and I used to be "popular" but I've developed something about me that makes me "enviable", even as a friend. People just respect me less the more respect I offer them, perhaps I should do the opposite, but It's my belief that respect=respect. All my life I feel I've gave more than half I've received, and it makes me feel like a bit of a mug.
At the same time though, I'm NOT socially inept, As I said, I know how to deal with people. My job even involves sole dealing with people and tolerating so much bullshit from others. Most people I meet I make a warm/friendly connection with. It's long lasting associations I struggle with, and I can't seem to maintain a friendship or even develop one right now. I used to be the most popular kid in my year when in school, now all my relationships are colleague based, and I never interact with them outside of work.
People think I'm a walkover, and an idiot by the outward accessible perception I portray. Yet I've sailed the north sea by sail and took great responsibility's in so many different voluntary organisations. I'm not stupid, I'm not useless and I contribute so much more to society than people think. It frustrates me the way I'm treated, at work and as a "friend".
I can't seem to project the personality I actually have and it's killing me mentally, It feels like I'm completely loosing myself. Truth is, I don't understand friendships with people my age (18) - they seem so conditional and inconsequential. I relate better to those older than me, but struggle to get them to relate to me.
Life is fucking shit.
Any advice?
0
Comments
You should swap notes with LiverpoolStephen. I know I am going to be shot down in flames again for this, but there is no way on earth that a 15-year old can be on top of everything.
If you were truly unmotivated by things "social", you wouldn't be posting on this site. As I see it, your problem stems from being unable to respond appropriately in a social context. It is well documented that children pick up unspoken messages from social contexts (divorce, affairs, unhappiness ...) but are, naturally, ill-equipped to deal with them.
As with LiverpoolStephen, it may well be that your problems stem from relative inexperience with life. This is particularly true in terms of meeting people for a second time and maintaining/stimulating interest in getting to know you. You need to have the confidence to project a real personality. This means understanding who you really are and what you really want from life - not just quote the textbook.
Ummmm ... yes, like not copying the same message three times.
The trouble is that you are trying to project the personality of someone you THINK you want to be, rather than the person you are. It is always easier to relate to people who are either older (my first husband was 20 years older than me) or younger, because they don't have any preconceptions about what you SHOULD be. However, in the end, you need to be sure of who you are before you can relate to the rest of the world.
I'm not saying that you should force yourself to hang out with people of your own age, but you definitely need to force yourself to "hang out" occasionally.
Life is a struggle. Friends (of any age-group) make it worthwhile.
Excuse me, but you know fuck all about me, and I dont appreciate your indignant and helpless "example" of me "LiverpoolStephen". I imagine the same is for you. What I post on the internet, what I choose to disclose or portray, is a fickle pecentage of the person I am. Very little. As for many, it's an occasional outburst, an outlet when shit gets to us. You see, most of us don't live our lives on the internet or measure our relative "Social status" (lol) or small world "success" by it.
I'm sure not half the cock-sure little shit you may think you are on the "webernetZ", and part of me is certain you're a prick emulating a vagina you only hope to gain access - so to speak. And for your information, I was happier than I'd ever been at age 15, and I understood what I needed to get the most out of my life at that point and positively influenced so many through the voluntary and personal things I did - and so - fuck off please. In my appraisal, the trick to life is to be happy. You don't have half a clue about my experience, whatever I may have endured, and what it resulted in. The last 6 years of mine have been sacrifice for a positive cause greater than I. Despite. So please:
Plainly, fuck off.