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i miss my best friend :/

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
i'll try to get to the point:

me and my friend(if i can call her that!) used to be best friends...THE BESTEST OF FRIENDS all throughout HS, even though she and my older brother got together in 10th and have been together ever since.

and though i didnt really notice it b4, but me and her have grown tremendesly apart. it has come to a point where she's a total stranger to me.

i think that

8%-my fault
40%-my brother
52%-her fault for not knowing how to balance her friendships and her relationship.



but i just feel like my brother has completely TAKEN HER AWAY.
:(

i hate to sound selfish, but its how i feel. the things we used to do NOW she does with him....go to the pool in the summer, go to the park, go out to her fam meetings, and have gone to the beach...something we used to think about doing together!!!

and what MOSTLY bothers me is that SHE KNOW THIS HAS HAPPENED, she knows we have grown apart but i dont think she REALLY TRULLY cares BECAUSE she has my brother there....i feel like like i have to compete for her attention. :grump:

i mean, in 11th grade i entered a HUGE stage of depression(not that she ever knew) b/c of her!!! seeing her w/ my brother made me feel such an emptiness. well anyways...one thing led to another and i got my heart broken by this guy and SHE WAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHERE AROUND ME to help me out, like a bff would have been, nah she spent time with my brother!

i dont mind them being together since they love each other and what not, but i miss my best friend :_ / and they are always together!!! and she's always calling him....i want to tell her "do you know how much it hurts to hear my brothers phone rings all the time EVERY DAY and you never call me anymore...NOT ONCE!!!"

and i've tried to chill with her, i've tried!! i feel like i have given it my all to make our friendship work, but its like NOTHING, because my brother IS THERE. AND HE WILL BE THERE, FOR A LONGGG TIME to come.


i miss her sooo much and despite what we have been throught and still going through, i still think she's the best person i've ever met.


but i need advice....what should i do.

i miss her and i want things to be how they used to be.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is always terribly difficult when someone you have come to count on suddenly doesn't seem to care anymore. Unfortunately, it happens from time to time throughout life as people grow up and interests change. Meaning no disrespect, I was quite surprised to see from your profile that you are 21. In the UK, we don't use the same grading system for school years. I initially assumed that you were a child, so have had to rethink my response somewhat.

    What has happened between you and your best friend is, I am afraid, an entirely natural process of growing up. My advice to you is not to take your girlfriend's "distance" personally. Although she is currently only interested in your brother, it doesn't mean that she made any conscious decision not to be your friend any more. The chances are that, once the romance has worn off, she may want to make contact again in the future. I hate to say it, but you do come across as being selfish. If you act jealous over your girlfriend's relationship with your brother and get angry with her, it might make it very difficult to continue to be friends.

    I am sure you have other friends. The best thing you can do is back off and allow your girlfriend her freedom. It will be for the best in the long run.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You may well have grown apart anyway, but I guess having her around because of your brother does make things feel worse.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    overthehill wrote: »
    It is always terribly difficult when someone you have come to count on suddenly doesn't seem to care anymore. Unfortunately, it happens from time to time throughout life as people grow up and interests change. Meaning no disrespect, I was quite surprised to see from your profile that you are 21. In the UK, we don't use the same grading system for school years. I initially assumed that you were a child, so have had to rethink my response somewhat.

    What has happened between you and your best friend is, I am afraid, an entirely natural process of growing up. My advice to you is not to take your girlfriend's "distance" personally. Although she is currently only interested in your brother, it doesn't mean that she made any conscious decision not to be your friend any more. The chances are that, once the romance has worn off, she may want to make contact again in the future. I hate to say it, but you do come across as being selfish. If you act jealous over your girlfriend's relationship with your brother and get angry with her, it might make it very difficult to continue to be friends.

    I am sure you have other friends. The best thing you can do is back off and allow your girlfriend her freedom. It will be for the best in the long run.

    thank you for those words....i am 21 and in my second year of college, sorry i forgot to mention it!

    and i also think about how i only knew her 1 yr b4 she got together with my brother. they've been together since....5 yrs now. and i feel like the person i became friends w/ has totally disappear. yea its part of growing up and changing but i seriously cant recognize her anymore.

    and you may find it hard to believe but i really dont have other friends. i think that true "friendship" isnt found in everybody and therefore im really careful when it comes to calling anybody my friend. now like i said she's a great person overall and its not like she's done things to me that would make me want to hate her or anything, is that she has LET my brother come too in between us.

    but like i said, i dont even know who that person is anymore, but i want that frienship back. b/c i do miss her especially b/c she trully EARNED that tittle of "my friend". not alot of ppl can tell you that about me. im not weird of anything but im just very guarded.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big Gay wrote: »
    You may well have grown apart anyway, but I guess having her around because of your brother does make things feel worse.




    :impissed: YEA! and also b/c they've been together for 5 yrs.....that makes me feel like iim never getting our friendship back.... :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    liveit88 wrote: »
    ... and you may find it hard to believe but i really dont have other friends. i think that true "friendship" isnt found in everybody and therefore im really careful when it comes to calling anybody my friend.

    ..... i do miss her especially b/c she trully EARNED that tittle of "my friend". not alot of ppl can tell you that about me. im not weird of anything but im just very guarded.

    Oh dear. I do feel for you. I have had this happen to me once in my life - also my best school friend. Like your situation, there was a man involved and though we would probably still refer to each other as "friends" - in that we have forgiven each other - we haven't seen each other for over 20 years, and I can tell you, I still miss her.

    From the age of about 15, "V" was my closest friend: the hub of my social network. Her family took me in when I first moved to the city. My father died when I was 19 and I didn't on well with my mum for a while. Her parents looked out for me like one of their own. I was treated like a sister.

    At 21, we found we were both being two-timed by the same man ... and stopped talking to each other. My world fell apart. In one fell swoop I had lost my best friend and my social circle. I had only just moved into a flat on my own, so I was suddenly desperately lonely. The only thing I could do to save myself from complete despair was to see other people - not friends in the sense that V had been, but friends nonetheless. In fact, when I think about it, I had probably sidelined them for years in favour of spending time with V. We didn't have the same close relationship, but at least we could go out for a meal or to the cinema and I got to hang out with their friends. And, gradually, I rebuilt a new circle of friends.

    I have never again had a best friend quite like V. People's priorities change too much with work and family life. Sometimes I find myself in constant contact with one particular friend then, for no particular reason, we fall out of touch for a while. I work on the principal that, if we haven't had a row, we are still friends. And now, even if I don't talk to someone from one end of the year to the next, it is great to make contact again.

    I understand exactly how you feel, but my advice is still to quietly leave your friendship with this girlfriend on the back burner. Remember, if you haven't had an argument, you are probably STILL FRIENDS. Make an effort to see more of other people around you. Go out and meet new people - even if you don't think you are going to enjoy it! You will probably never have another friendship like the one you feel you have lost, but this experience has given you an opportunity to increase your social circle.
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