Friend Is Jealous Of My Friendship

Former Member

In our circle of friends, there is a heavy weight on the male side, my friend and I being the only girls. I am in a relationship with my man, who is also in our friends group. I am really close to one of the other guys, and we have a completely amazing friendship. I shall call him X. My female friend, Y, is also relatively close to X and lately, I've found that she becomes extremely jealous when Y and I have a laugh and a joke. We play fight often and my boyfriend joins in the fun most of the time. Y usually sulks off and walks away, even though she is involved in the joking about. Her and X have previous history as a couple but are now only on friends terms. I want to talk to her about why she gets so jealous because we have always been the only girls. I am not in any way prettier, funnier etc than her and I'd like to think that X treats us very equally. And to add that I'm head over heels in love with my boyfriend and see X only as my best friend. It just confuses me and cant understand why the sudden change. We are a very close group of people and there has never been any jealousy before this. Any advice on how I can talk to her about this? Or should I just leave it and see if it calms down? Thanks to anyone who read it all through!

Former Member

Hello young_and_broken :wave:

I just noticed you hadn't had any replies How are things with you and your friend now? Have you managed to talk to her? Jealousy is quite common but it's a tricky one to bring up sometimes as you might find she gets quite defensive or denies it. It's a totally natural emotion but it's quite hard to control sometimes which can also be a bit embarassing if she feels like she should be dealing with it better.

Maybe she still has feelings for the guy she went out with and now that you have a boyfriend thought she might get a bit more of his attention?

Could you go out just you and her and see if she'll open up about how she's feeling? Or maybe just let her spend a bit more time with him for a while to show her you're not trying to compete.

It sounds like you care about her and hopefully you'll be able to clear the air soon. Good luck with it

Former Member

In my opinion: Y still wants something from X. This is often magnified when you see the person you are pining for gets along great with other people of the other sex (even tho they might not even come into consideration for a relationship). I would talk to her and confirm that and ask why she's not trying it on with him (if my opinion should be correct).

How you proceed depends on you. Either you say, there is nothing between you and X and it is just playful, so just keep on going, or you give Y special consideration and just keep your friendship with X on a "non-physical" level, if you understand.

Former Member

Thank you for you replies.

We are currently on Study Leave so I havent seen or heard from either of them for a few days. I would totally understand her jealousy if it was justifed. She claims she feels nothing towards X and, I forgot to mention, their last attempt at a relationship ended because she was jealous of his friendship with someone in our classes (which to me was rather pathetic because X adored Y)

The thing is, X is one of my closest friends and I dont feel I should have to give some of that up because she is jealous. Maybe that sounds selfish but I think she needs to see that he has other friends than her. Recently he has been at her house every night or she has been at his. I only get to see him for minimal times at school. I'll see how things go before I confront her about it, but I dont see her accepting it very soon.