Jealous of people in relationships

Former Member

Hi there,

I have had some problems recently. My friend has just got into a new relationship with a girl he works with and has known her there for a few years. I am happy for them, however I do feel a little jealous. It was only 2 months or so ago he broke up for the second time his ex girlfriend of 3 years, and he has got into a relationship very quickly. She is a lovely girl and very pretty, and so I am envious and jealous of him for a few reasons.

1) I have never had someone who I have seen often or who lives closer. All of my relationships have stemmed from internet dating, and they live at least an hour and a half away! She is round his house almost every day. I have never had girlfriend stay round my house ever, even at uni! Always me visiting.

2) I have been rejected in the past a few times for reasons like "it would ruin our friendship" This after just a few months or even a few weeks knowing the girl. Now onto the situation with my friend and his new girlfrien, they have known each other for 2 and a bit years, but did one of them mention that it would ruin the friendship, of course not.

Now I have been suspicious of people giving reasons like "it would ruin our friendship". Now that my friend has said hes with someone who hes known for more than 2 years at work, it confirms my suspicions that its a cop out!

I have been given other reaons /other strange strange comments by women in the past such as:

"you are too good for me"
"come back in 3 or 4 years time"
"you would make a good husband"
"you are a real life mr darcy - you would be the perfect boyfriend". - that by someone who I had no interest in

So what could I do. Am i picking the wrong women or something wrong with me. Is it ok/understandable to be jealous?

Any tips on meeting people who actually live within London or close by - considering Internet dating is my main resource for this, as I dont know too many people and I am shy!

Former Member

Go to a pub on your own.

People tend to act like nobs when they are with mates. To avoid this, go alone. it also means you have to start a conversation with someone new. this will open up a whole new group of people (including females) and also raise your confidence!

Former Member

I empathise with your predicament. However you should know

a) no one who has even the slightest sexual interest in you will ever fob you off with an excuse

b) you wouldn't want to be with anyone who fobs you off with any of the above excuses

c) Morphandcoffee gives good advice ... with the following caution. You can go to the pub with a mixed-sex group. If you all act like knobs/knobettes, what's the harm ... and some other wannabe knobette might want to get to know you better. However, do not think that simply by going to the pub alone, you will instantly become "deep and interesting". My OH and I have observed one such individual over 5 or more years, and he had never shown the slightest hint of being sociable. Be single by all means but, for heaven's sake, be interested and sociable.

Former Member

hey jamjam :wave:

First off, try not to worry too much about feeling jealous, everyone goes through it from time to time, even with good friends. It can be hard when you see things going great for other people all the time, especially if you've had a bad run of it. I guess something to remember is that you can never really compare your relationships with other people's, sure similar situations can come up but the way people work when it comes to making decisions can be so different.

It sounds like your mate's friendship with this girl was the basis for their now relationship and both of them were prepared to take the risk. It might sound like a cop out excuse - not wanting to ruin a friendship - but actually it's a really hard thing to do and not everyone would jump in and take that risk as they have. I guess it depends on how strong the attraction is between you, not all relationships start with fireworks and those that do are less likely to think about what 'might' go wrong. In the same way friendships can turn in to relationships when the timing is right for both people. In fact, timing has a lot to do with it!

I don't think you're picking the wrong women, I just think you've been a bit unlucky Have you thought about joining a club or starting a course - something related to a hobby you might have? You could even consider some volunteering as a way to meet new people and boost your confidence?

Try not too let it get to you, being single doesn't have to be miserable and when you do find the right girl, as corny as it sounds, it'll be worth the wait

Former Member

What can I do in particular to avoid these lame excuses and somewhat "flakey" women. I still cant believe someone thought I was a real life Mr Darcy. That was my wow moment of the year (and not in a good way, because I dont believe it)

Former Member

Bump, any more advise is greatly apprciated. I am sick and tired of the excuses and seeing my friends just glide into relationships effortlessly

Former Member

jamjam wrote: »

Now I have been suspicious of people giving reasons like "it would ruin our friendship". Now that my friend has said hes with someone who hes known for more than 2 years at work, it confirms my suspicions that its a cop out!

Consider my mind blown! Now everything makes sense!

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

hey jamjam :wave:

First off, try not to worry too much about feeling jealous, everyone goes through it from time to time, even with good friends. It can be hard when you see things going great for other people all the time, especially if you've had a bad run of it. I guess something to remember is that you can never really compare your relationships with other people's, sure similar situations can come up but the way people work when it comes to making decisions can be so different.

It sounds like your mate's friendship with this girl was the basis for their now relationship and both of them were prepared to take the risk. It might sound like a cop out excuse - not wanting to ruin a friendship - but actually it's a really hard thing to do and not everyone would jump in and take that risk as they have. I guess it depends on how strong the attraction is between you, not all relationships start with fireworks and those that do are less likely to think about what 'might' go wrong. In the same way friendships can turn in to relationships when the timing is right for both people. In fact, timing has a lot to do with it!

I don't think you're picking the wrong women, I just think you've been a bit unlucky Have you thought about joining a club or starting a course - something related to a hobby you might have? You could even consider some volunteering as a way to meet new people and boost your confidence?

Try not too let it get to you, being single doesn't have to be miserable and when you do find the right girl, as corny as it sounds, it'll be worth the wait

In terms of being unlucky with women, to what extent can the blame be off me for that? In one of my relationships, I was with a woman who was asexual, which she didd not tell me for almost 2 years! Now to me that is terrible luck but maybe im giving off some strange vibe?

And with the compliments ive been given by women, ive done some thinking and conclude they are giving me those comments for my personality and not my looks (of course they would not say this). If i was such a great guy etc... then why are they not attracted to me? If i would make a great boyfriend, why dont they just reject me?

Former Member

I feel you man. some girls love to play around with what they really mean.
then again... i was told that some guys are just plain freind material.. and not boyfriend material...

Former Member

marisolpitt wrote: »

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Wow, tell your company to pull you back from the marketing section. You are a terrible spammer.

Next thing you post in a "I am 22, she is 15 thread" and go, "Ahhh, young love. Buy V1agra for -75%"

Former Member

@harl3mkr0z: There are some girls who just find you boring probably. You need to up your game man. Maybe find a few techinques. don't be afraid to experiment

Former Member

jealously would be a normal feeling towards your friend considering you havent had a stable normal relationship before. However you shouldnt lose faith and should keep your confidence and realize there are hundreds of woman looking for men all you need to do is the open your and eyes and get out there. However I dont agree in meeting girls in bars and clubs often those girls seem to be false and only looking for a short term relationship. However you should improve your self-esteem and realize that your probably a better guy then you see yourself

Former Member

Can jealousy get in the way?

When I was 19 and starting College, I couldn't wait to have a girlfriend.But I only tried to ask for a date once and was turned down.I kept on waiting for the College girl who'd fall in love with me-I felt I was handsome and It just had to happen. But It didn't. I'd pace back and forth at home, thinking of all the girls I'd met who already had boyfriends, picturing all the people younger than I was who were already making love. I got so angry.If only I went to a live-in University with lots of available co-eds, I'd think, and not a day school with mostly returning students, I'd have my lover.But there were women who wanted to spend time with me, and I blew them off, as they didn't conform to my fantasies.So maybe the jealosy gets in the way.And I was really weird then, and kind of repelled people.What's frustrating is that I only met less women who wanted to be with me as I got older.I'm 51 and I've still never had a girlfriend.

Former Member

i always seem to feel jealous of people in relationships
i've had a few bad relationships in the past and i feel like i will never settle down with a guy..

my mum, my older cousin and i were talkin just yesterday and my cousin made the point in sayin that if i was ever to settle down i need to know the basics for housework and all before i could move in with a guy. i said to him how will i ever move in with a guy if i can't keep a boyfriend lol, kinda hard to do when they always dump me for a better gilrl