is it coming to an end?

Former Member

i've been with my boyfriend about two years now. we have lived together for about a year.

things recently haven't been great between us for about a month now. we've both been under quite a bit of stress lately. he thinks he might lose his job soon and its stressing him out alot but he's taking it out on me big time he is spending all of his spare time at home preparing for this so we barely see each other.

i've also been under a bit of stress recently but i've just been dealing with it yanno?

anyway, he has just been so snappy with me lately and its really getting me down. everything that comes out of his mouth is a complaint of some sort...like the other day, he moaned at me big time because his tea wasn't ready for him when he got home. that really pissed me off and i told him so. nobody speaks to me like that. i'm not his slave! that is just one example of many...

we are barely speaking at the minute despite living with each other. like now, i've come upstairs just to get away from him and he's downstairs watching tv. its awful and it makes me not want to come home. i'm in tears now just writing this because i'm so fed up right now. we barely speak and when we do, we end up arguing. we don't even do anything nice together anymore. i suggested us maybe making a nice meal together tomorrow night and maybe watching a nice film and he was like "whatever" and when i came in tonight from work, i wanted to talk to him but he was too busy playing his computer game this has been the case everyday this week.

i don't think he's that attracted to me anymore either. he never really says i look nice or comes up to me and gives me a kiss/hug. this only adds to my current insecurities. the only time he actually shows me affection is when he wants sex/a favour.

i just feel like i'm being treated quite badly and being taken for granted. i just feel like i'm the girl who cooks and cleans at home and gives him sex when he wants it. i've tried speaking to him about it but he just won't open up and just gets annoyed at me. i understand that he is under quite a bit of stress right now but i'm his girlfriend. surely he should come to me for support and not take it out on me?

i have quite a stressful job. i see quite a bit of shit and have to deal with nasty people. i enjoy it but the last thing i want when i come home is to have to deal with his whinging. i want to relax.

i just feel trapped if i'm completely honest. if i didn't live with him, i'd probably leave him because its making me really unhappy but the thing is, we have a mortgage together that we can't really get out of for at least 5 years because its fixed. and i love him. i love him so much but he is upsetting so much right now. i want this to work so much but he's making it hard.

i dont know what i should do.

should i just wait to see if things improve when he's not as stressed?

Former Member

i'd leave

Former Member

You two need to communicate, and fast. You need to be totally honest and open with him about what you're feeling, and how bad the situation is, and he needs to do the same with you. Don't make ultimatums, don't accuse. Just be fair and honest.

Long-term relationships can be hard, life sure as hell is, and the only chance you have is if you are a team. Right now you sound as if you're working against each other, rather than together. Sometimes that can't be fixed, but sometimes it can, and if you're going to get anywhere you need to TALK.

I've been in a similar situation, house-wise, and I know that it's tough to disregard the implications, but if you can't sort it out, you can't stay in a failing relationship that makes you miserable just for the house. When I left, I took a huge hit, financially, and it was a very hard decision to make, but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Former Member

I think maybe the stress of this impending job loss is probably the main cause of everything (including your other thread too).

You do need to talk to him, but try not to make it too accusatory. Remember that he is under massive stress, and if your life before this threat of redundancy was fine, it's likely that this is the only problem. Which means that you can get through it, without losing everything that you have worked hard for.

Remember also that one of the reasons that he won't talk about it all, is because he's probably weighed down with massive guilt over getting a house with you and then potentially having to find another job. His pride will have taken a massive knock and he probably feels as though he is letting you down. Try not to interpret that as him going off you or things like that.

Former Member

As others have said, I should think that your bf is massively stressed with impending redundancy and a mortgage to pay. You say you are dealing with it from your side, but people handle these things differently. I'm sure your own stress is adding to your negative feelings towards your bf's behaviour.

What you don't say in your post is whether you actually love your bf any more. Do you want this to work out, or do you feel that the relationship has run its course and you have made a mistake buying a house together? If things have only turned sour within the last month, it may only be a temporary blip. Leaving now because he has been a bit snappy and withdrawn over his job might be unfair on you both in the long run. You need to take some time to think over what you really want from the relationship, then talk it through with him.

Former Member

I don't think it's coming to an end, unless of course you want it to be. I think it sounds like he's stopped making an effort, doubtless triggered by his anxiety about work, and you've become understandably angry and resentful. As Olive says it an be fixed, but the question is, do you want it to be? If you could walk away from it today with no financial loss and no hassle of extricating yourself from the house etc, would you do it?

What else is encouraging you to stay, apart from the mortgage?