If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Cheating... a lesson learned!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've scoured the Internet for hours doing research, I've done all the normal stuff you do when you have a break up, drinking, crying, anger, not eating or sleeping. I don't know why I have posted on here but I need to share my story.
A few years ago I met a fantastic girl. She was 16 at the time and I was 21. Age didn't really matter and we had a brilliant few months in total we were in love for about 18 months to 2 years. I think we really did have a special unique love. It was very different from my ex of 4 years from college. She was one of those girls people say how the hell did you manage that. In honesty I shouldn't have ruined it and I see her as the sort I should have given everything too. Sometimes I think that I was never over my previous 4 year college relationship. Maybe thats just an excuse for the way I acted. I emotionally destroyed her and most of my friends she was very close to chose me over her. I did alot of lying and twisting.
Anyway several breaks ups, fallings out with friends and me cheating it was all over. I was pretty horrible at times and led her on for ages while I was seeing the other girl. Her new partner was a bad person and was horrible to the rest of my friends but he gave her what I should have.
She even fell into a depression. She is now has a baby and they are happy, in a way I am pleased happy for her. Just wish I could make up for all the rubbish because of my guilt I carry.
Fast forward a bit and I was still seeing the other girl that caused my trouble. She was 16 so now 2 years younger than the above. Because of where I met her the relationship could have never be public. Her parents were accepting over time and things weren't ever perfect but they were enough to fill in the holes in my life and she gave what I needed. It was almost like taking a drug.
Jobwise I was doing really well as a contractor. I was earning good money, had a lovely almost new fast car and life was good, I could afford to blow my money on food, drinks, clothes and having a good time.
I took a job really local paying excellent money. It was the first job I ever had I truely loved and I put so much into it. It looked for a time they might offer me a higher postion and I would almost get to choose what job and how I wanted to do it. I was there just under a ill before I messed up.
I met someone in another department. Even though I was still seeing the other girl we exchanged emails and eventually texts. I stood her up on the first date as I had never ever been chased and knowing her previous experience and her incredible personality I feared even I with my ego may not be good enough. We went on a date as I emailed her and things went well. Being only a year or so younger and having been to University she had done so much I had never done. She was more experienced, clever and just entirely different from all the others I have been with. She had lived a completely different life. We got on really really well and fell into a relationship, you can imagine juggling two woman was hard. I did alot of lying and playing people off and was very clever.
I must admit even until recently I still wasn't sure who I wanted. Thought I realise now one is like a drug and the other is proper love. Over the last year I have lied to my girlfriend, not shown my love enough and have cheated on her with the other girl. She took me back twice and I could tell she loved me so so much. I lost my amazing job through a stupid mistake. It cost me dearly as I have lived a rich life style for so long. I had some work after but never ever earnt the money like before. This girl carried me, she looked after me when I was ill, she paid for me, she almost lived parts of my life. I had stopped being the person I once was and relied on her. I have mad her depressed and taken her apart as a person.
For some reason I never got rid of the other girl. I thought I loved her and sometimes I still do but I realise she isn't right for me. She is at a different stage of life to what I am being so young and I am sure I will get hurt or we will not work out. If I am honest I do not love her in the right way.
A few months ago the girl I was with found out I was still in contact with the cheating girl. In all honesty it was only ever a friendship but I guess when you've done it twice its only natural for someone to take it like she did. I should have deleted numbers and removed her from my life. Again I was forgiven. I turned down the chance to move in and eventually get married and be with her because of the other one and other various issues. I have for some reason even though she was so good to me never been convinced.
For a month or so we were together. I had finally removed the other girl apart from the odd text which I was totally honest about. The month was like our whole relationship should have been all the way through. So she went home for Christmas then again last week and bam that was the end.
She came back from her home in the Midlands. She declared that she could no longer carry on. Because eventually she would have to trust me for us to be official again and she cannot ever do that. She's been on a date with a guy she met at Christmas. He is coming down this weekend and they are going to be together. She claims to have changed in her head that she doesnt hate me and she forgives me. I must understand we won't get back together.
She said she's never loved anyone like me but I have destroyed her and made her sad. All the elements of our relationship are like no other she's experienced according to her, they are unique feelings. It's a shame now that I have finally realised she is the one for me and that I will never ever feel the same for anyone else. I wrote her a letter with all the truth and asked her to marry me, but she said it was too late. She said she deserves to be happy and that the new relationship will not be complicated or make her ill.
We will defiantly be friends as she says she still cares and worries for me. She loves me and cares more than a friend but not in the right way to be a couple, she is really sad. I guess I have torn her heart apart. I've promised I will not make trouble for her new relationship. I have to be friends with her and I know you should never ever hope but I have too. I want to return to how I used to be and to show her that she can trust me and I am a good person. She has been there on the Internet and on phone everytime I break down.
The hurt and guilt of this is killing me and I know I would never lie or cheat with anyone I loved again. Thank you all for reading my story.
A few years ago I met a fantastic girl. She was 16 at the time and I was 21. Age didn't really matter and we had a brilliant few months in total we were in love for about 18 months to 2 years. I think we really did have a special unique love. It was very different from my ex of 4 years from college. She was one of those girls people say how the hell did you manage that. In honesty I shouldn't have ruined it and I see her as the sort I should have given everything too. Sometimes I think that I was never over my previous 4 year college relationship. Maybe thats just an excuse for the way I acted. I emotionally destroyed her and most of my friends she was very close to chose me over her. I did alot of lying and twisting.
Anyway several breaks ups, fallings out with friends and me cheating it was all over. I was pretty horrible at times and led her on for ages while I was seeing the other girl. Her new partner was a bad person and was horrible to the rest of my friends but he gave her what I should have.
She even fell into a depression. She is now has a baby and they are happy, in a way I am pleased happy for her. Just wish I could make up for all the rubbish because of my guilt I carry.
Fast forward a bit and I was still seeing the other girl that caused my trouble. She was 16 so now 2 years younger than the above. Because of where I met her the relationship could have never be public. Her parents were accepting over time and things weren't ever perfect but they were enough to fill in the holes in my life and she gave what I needed. It was almost like taking a drug.
Jobwise I was doing really well as a contractor. I was earning good money, had a lovely almost new fast car and life was good, I could afford to blow my money on food, drinks, clothes and having a good time.
I took a job really local paying excellent money. It was the first job I ever had I truely loved and I put so much into it. It looked for a time they might offer me a higher postion and I would almost get to choose what job and how I wanted to do it. I was there just under a ill before I messed up.
I met someone in another department. Even though I was still seeing the other girl we exchanged emails and eventually texts. I stood her up on the first date as I had never ever been chased and knowing her previous experience and her incredible personality I feared even I with my ego may not be good enough. We went on a date as I emailed her and things went well. Being only a year or so younger and having been to University she had done so much I had never done. She was more experienced, clever and just entirely different from all the others I have been with. She had lived a completely different life. We got on really really well and fell into a relationship, you can imagine juggling two woman was hard. I did alot of lying and playing people off and was very clever.
I must admit even until recently I still wasn't sure who I wanted. Thought I realise now one is like a drug and the other is proper love. Over the last year I have lied to my girlfriend, not shown my love enough and have cheated on her with the other girl. She took me back twice and I could tell she loved me so so much. I lost my amazing job through a stupid mistake. It cost me dearly as I have lived a rich life style for so long. I had some work after but never ever earnt the money like before. This girl carried me, she looked after me when I was ill, she paid for me, she almost lived parts of my life. I had stopped being the person I once was and relied on her. I have mad her depressed and taken her apart as a person.
For some reason I never got rid of the other girl. I thought I loved her and sometimes I still do but I realise she isn't right for me. She is at a different stage of life to what I am being so young and I am sure I will get hurt or we will not work out. If I am honest I do not love her in the right way.
A few months ago the girl I was with found out I was still in contact with the cheating girl. In all honesty it was only ever a friendship but I guess when you've done it twice its only natural for someone to take it like she did. I should have deleted numbers and removed her from my life. Again I was forgiven. I turned down the chance to move in and eventually get married and be with her because of the other one and other various issues. I have for some reason even though she was so good to me never been convinced.
For a month or so we were together. I had finally removed the other girl apart from the odd text which I was totally honest about. The month was like our whole relationship should have been all the way through. So she went home for Christmas then again last week and bam that was the end.
She came back from her home in the Midlands. She declared that she could no longer carry on. Because eventually she would have to trust me for us to be official again and she cannot ever do that. She's been on a date with a guy she met at Christmas. He is coming down this weekend and they are going to be together. She claims to have changed in her head that she doesnt hate me and she forgives me. I must understand we won't get back together.
She said she's never loved anyone like me but I have destroyed her and made her sad. All the elements of our relationship are like no other she's experienced according to her, they are unique feelings. It's a shame now that I have finally realised she is the one for me and that I will never ever feel the same for anyone else. I wrote her a letter with all the truth and asked her to marry me, but she said it was too late. She said she deserves to be happy and that the new relationship will not be complicated or make her ill.
We will defiantly be friends as she says she still cares and worries for me. She loves me and cares more than a friend but not in the right way to be a couple, she is really sad. I guess I have torn her heart apart. I've promised I will not make trouble for her new relationship. I have to be friends with her and I know you should never ever hope but I have too. I want to return to how I used to be and to show her that she can trust me and I am a good person. She has been there on the Internet and on phone everytime I break down.
The hurt and guilt of this is killing me and I know I would never lie or cheat with anyone I loved again. Thank you all for reading my story.
0
Comments
I just hope that you learn from this and realize that the way you've treated your past relationships just isn't on,you cant continuely cheat on your partner and expect her to believe that you are now gonna be honest and stop cheating.
Anyways good luck for the future and hopefully learn from your mistakes.
I really feel that this is a turning point for me. It's almost as if something for years has been building up and finally released. The fact she's now seeing someone has kind of made me see everything. Though she hasn't cheated it feels just as bad.
Having spoken to my friends, searched online and taken into account the last few days. I am going to drop off from her for a bit. Allow her to see this new guy, be a good friend and go from there. If in a few weeks to months I think there is no way back then I shall move on. She says she forgives me and doesn't hate me she just thinks I am really stupid.
She has told me she doesnt want to be with me and won't get back together but she said she loves me more than a friend and differently from her brother say.