my man doesn't want any more kids and say noway to marraige

Former Member

I'm with my man 8 years engaged 6 and we have a 4 year old son together. The other day i asked him would he like to try for another baby and he said noway. that he never wants another one as one is enough . He thinks that we don't need to get married as a ring is enough his words not mine. I'm really hurt and now i'm wondering should i end things or put up and shut up.:banghead: :impissed:

Former Member

Which bit is bothering you, the child or the marriage?

Former Member

Its one of those things, You need to work out whether youll just resent him forever if he really doesnt want more children and you do. Its quite a big thing. People split up for less.
Do you feel theres a reason he doesnt want any more children

Former Member

Surely since engagement is intent to marry, then he is a silly man.

Former Member

Possibly he once saw marriage as a good thing, but later thought it wasn't necessary?

Former Member

I think you should sit down with him and discuss this. I can't see the point in him buying you an engagement ring and then not wanting marriage, although my hubby was like this and in the end I sat down with him and explained that I didn't see the point in having a long engagement or indeed being engaged with no intent to marry. He realised how important it was to me and we got married- but it was make or break- he could easily have turned around and said he wanted out.

Same with the children thing, it must be awful for someone who wants a child to be told by their partner that they don't want any more children. There could be a reason for this, is your partner an only child? Or does he have lots of siblings and perhaps doesn't have fond memories of his childhood and therefore doesn't want that for your child? Or maybe it is financial concerns?

I really think that with issues as big as this you need to address them with him. I wouldn't just leave him without talking it through first, you must love him to want to marry him and have more children with him. You should also try to make it work for the sake of your child. You can't manipulate him into marriage or having another child though- that wouldn't be right- so prepare yourself for what might happen.

Former Member

First of all thank you all for the ans. I talked to him today and he siad that he was scared of having another child and he will never change his mind to be honest he alays seems to have excuses such I don't want to mess up what we have and says he wants a simple life and not to be bothered I told him that me wanting kids wont go away and the urge is getting stronger day by day. I told him that there will come a day when i will leave and he just looked at me and did'nt seem to care. I told him that i don't want to resent him and he just laughed but it is getting harder day by day. Maybe i'm asking for too much

Former Member

You say he laughed when you asked him about something serious, Id say consider ditching him if he cant seem to have the moral courage to do the right and make you happy, or be honest.

Former Member

easier said then done sometimes

Former Member

Sometimes it is the hard choices that are the right ones.

Former Member

Maybe i'm thinking that he will change his mind

Former Member

doesnt sound promising.

How old are you?

Former Member

..

**helen**

Big Gay wrote: »

To be honest, it doesn't soud as though you love him - it sounds as though you just want to be married and to have kids.

He doesn't want this, so you'll have to find someone else.

hmm, I don't think we know enough to say that about cazz.

Perhaps by talking to him about why marriage is really important to you and why you value him enough to want to marry him you can find some sort of compromise on the issue?

You may find thesite.org's article on communicating as a couple helpful.

The BBC has an article with exercises - do you want the same things, that might be worth exploring.

Former Member

i dont get that from what she says at all.

I think splitting up because you have different dreams about family, is a better reason than many have for splitting up

Former Member

**Helen** wrote: »

hmm, I don't think we know enough to say that about cazz.

You're absolutley right

Former Member

Whoever siad that I dont love him is so wrong. I'm 29 by the way and yes maybe some might say "dont you want more then marriage and kids" and my ans is no. he always knew that i wanted a big family but i'm willing to stay if not for me then for our son to try and work things out

Former Member

I said it, but for reasons that were noting to do with you or your situation

Former Member

Personally i think you need to really seriously sit down and work out what you want from life. Can you see you being happy never having another child? The fact he laughed at you and didn't seem to care would say to me HES looking for a way out