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It's over - how to mend this broken fucking heart?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My girlfriend left me at the beginning of the week. We've known eachother for over 2 years and had been living together for just over 1 and a half years. She is the girl I moved to Australia to live with, and who also flew over here to be with me.
Needless to say I am not coping at all well. We've never been a perfect couple....in fact far from it, we go through stages of constant arguing and this has nearly happened several times in the past. However we always got through it and worked hard to continue as we love eachother so very much.
This however was the last straw for her apparantly....she hasn't made many friends since moving to the UK and has struggled to find a life of her own....I know how unhappy this can make a person as I had it like this for a while in Australia. She says that she still loves me very much but that she can't continue to work for this relationship when she can't be happy with herself, and that she needs to get away and have some time alone to think about what she wants for herself. So she packed her stuff and headed for a hostel in London earlier in the week, with plans to find somewhere to live and a job.
She says she needs to do this now before it happens later the down line and is much worse. She also says that it's not neccesarily over forever because she still loves me deeply but that she doesn't want me to getmy hopes up because she needs time to think.
I do understand this, and it's probably for the best. But I can't handle it. I was prepared for a future with her, we already had plans and stuff for getting a permanant visa for me to live in Australia, plans to travel e.t.c, even fucking marriage was on the agenda. The only reason I'm not at uni right now was because I wanted to be with her.
And now I'm stuck here, working a shit job and living with my parents, depressed as fuck. I don't really know what to do next?
I know I need to give her space, but we can't stop texting eachother and I went up to London yesterday to visit her. Before you all have a go at me, it was to get some questions answers and some sort of closure, because when she left it was all very sudden and such a shock.
I missioned up to London with delayed trains and snow to see her, and ended up staying the night due to train cancellations. Yes bad idea, we started off trying to avoid phyiscal contact but by the end of the night we were kissing and holding hands. And yes, we had sex.
My head is in such a state right now....I don't know what to do. She says she needs time but doesn't want me to be waiting around for her. Thing is, I can't help but do that! All I wanna do on my next two days off is go and visit her, and she's admitted she'd want that too. But should we??
Advice please, I feel so empty.
Needless to say I am not coping at all well. We've never been a perfect couple....in fact far from it, we go through stages of constant arguing and this has nearly happened several times in the past. However we always got through it and worked hard to continue as we love eachother so very much.
This however was the last straw for her apparantly....she hasn't made many friends since moving to the UK and has struggled to find a life of her own....I know how unhappy this can make a person as I had it like this for a while in Australia. She says that she still loves me very much but that she can't continue to work for this relationship when she can't be happy with herself, and that she needs to get away and have some time alone to think about what she wants for herself. So she packed her stuff and headed for a hostel in London earlier in the week, with plans to find somewhere to live and a job.
She says she needs to do this now before it happens later the down line and is much worse. She also says that it's not neccesarily over forever because she still loves me deeply but that she doesn't want me to getmy hopes up because she needs time to think.
I do understand this, and it's probably for the best. But I can't handle it. I was prepared for a future with her, we already had plans and stuff for getting a permanant visa for me to live in Australia, plans to travel e.t.c, even fucking marriage was on the agenda. The only reason I'm not at uni right now was because I wanted to be with her.
And now I'm stuck here, working a shit job and living with my parents, depressed as fuck. I don't really know what to do next?
I know I need to give her space, but we can't stop texting eachother and I went up to London yesterday to visit her. Before you all have a go at me, it was to get some questions answers and some sort of closure, because when she left it was all very sudden and such a shock.
I missioned up to London with delayed trains and snow to see her, and ended up staying the night due to train cancellations. Yes bad idea, we started off trying to avoid phyiscal contact but by the end of the night we were kissing and holding hands. And yes, we had sex.
My head is in such a state right now....I don't know what to do. She says she needs time but doesn't want me to be waiting around for her. Thing is, I can't help but do that! All I wanna do on my next two days off is go and visit her, and she's admitted she'd want that too. But should we??
Advice please, I feel so empty.
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Comments
Sounds like she still likes you, but she is just finding things hard since moving to the other side of the world.
If I was you I would look at moving away together, somewhere like London. It must be difficult for her living with your family and your friends. Move somewhere new together and it will feel a lot less the odd one out for her. I no it will be expensive but you could house share. It has to be worth it. What do you have to lose?
Cal
I have offered that to her though - I said I'd quit my job tomorrow and come up to be with her. She says she'd love that but that it wouldn't be fair on either of us because she can't guarantee that's what she wants overall.
Thanks though mate. I'm going to be moving up to London in March regardless, even if it's by myself. I can't stand to be here anymore.
You gotta remember you werent together long before you moved in together full time in Oz. Its got to take some getting used to -on both parts. Maybe things were getting a little too routine and you could both benifit from a break?
Give her some time in London, keep in contact as mates, and if the occasional shag happens so be it. When you move to London see how she feels about finding somewhere together.
In my opinion this isnt dead, you just need some time to realise how much you're into eachother.
Agree.
She just said to me that she doesn't know where it'll go in the end, but she wants to make it clear that 'it stands how it is' as she doesn't want to make promises she may not be able to keep.
She became my very best friend....we got through alot together and did so much together. I could talk to her about anything and she was always there for support when shit went wrong at work, with my parents or my friends. She always knew what to say and always gave the best advice.
Knowing I could come home from work to see her was what got me through the day....now I just don't care anymore. I'm finding it hard to give a shit about my job now. Little things that I used to get anal about at work, I just don't care about now.
Everywhere I go, there is something I see that reminds me of her....of a little moment that we had there or something.
I'm completetly lost without her, I don't know what to do.
I think, for your own sanity, you need to treat the relationship as over. I would be inclined just to put away all the little mementos, photos, etc. that remind you of her. It will be extremely hard to do, but necessary. Right now you just need to find a way of getting on with your own life somehow.
Good luck and best wishes.
The difficult part is that you still love her and you feel regret at losing something you had and the feeling that you will never see her again, that one rises up in me sometimes but just remember that if there is someone out there that can make you feel like you do then life is worth going along with, if anything just for the next fucking disaster to come and hit you in the chuds.
What you have now is an sad ending to a long and happy chapter of life, but now you have a blank sheet and you can start writing a new one - you have your health, air in your lungs and the possibilities are endless!
Failing that you have a job and therefore money to buy enough pills and vodka to get so wasted you dont give a shite if you dont go in for the poetic stuff :thumb:
I'm thinking of going up again to see her on Tuesday. She wants me to aswell...but we're both not sure if it's a great idea.?
Though you do need to realise if things dont work out eventually, it will take a while to get over her, taking into consideration the time you spent together.
I think everyone goes through that stage where they're just not willing to give up. But if you get back together now or even soon you're still going to have all the recent problems stuck in your heads and it's more then likely just going to fall apart again. I did that with a guy and it took 3 break ups to finally realise it was for the best that time. And my last boyfriend was desperate for me to take him back but I didn't. 6 months later he's happier with someone else than he ever was with me, despite wanting to marry me!
You need to move on for now, get back to just being you and then maybe you can think about being with her again. Only once you've really put it behind you, can you really think logically about what went wrong. There's no point rushing back to the same problems, wait until you can honestly start a-fresh.
I'm beginning to accept that it might not happen again, and I've applied for Uni instead. I've also put off seeing her until next month, so that we can sort our lives out a bit first, which I think really impressed but also
We still talk on MSN every day and I know we're both looking forward to seeing eachother, but I'm not sure if she's ready to get back with me or not.
I'm just taking it slow at the moment, and of course I'm still going to fight for her, but I've also got to be prepared for it not working out, and I understand that now.
She's started to make a few friends (through a friend of hers back in Australia), which is really good. And she's leaving the hostel tomorrow, to stay on someone's couch until she finds a flat to move into.
One of her friends from Aus, who is also travelling, has come down to visit her and tonight they are going out for a drinks. Tomorrow she's also been invited to a party with her new friends.
I'm really happy for her, but I guess I'm also a little worried that now she's single, she could go off with any bloke and it's not my right to know about it or complain.
Probably just being paranoid, she's told me that another guy is the last thing she needs right now...but who knows what'll happen after a few drinks?
God listen to me lol, and it's not like I can talk.