About to break up

Former Member

Hi, everyone,
I'm new to these forums. I've been reading your posts on your breakups and I can see myself in you. I've been together with my boyfriend for more than 2 years. I was married before, got divorced and took me a long time to move on. Then I met this guy on a website, went out for almost a year, broke up, got back together and now we are having troubles. We talked a few weeks ago and decided to go on for Xmas and see what happened. Yesterday I was in this family celebration with him, afterwards I drove back home on my own and cried the 30 min. When I got home, I callled him and told him I was feeling really bad about our relationship. He said we could meet next Saturday and talk. So that's what we'll do. I feel awful. He's such a good guy, I still love him but I, and he said him too, have been having doubts all along this time. There are things about him that really annoy me, like the way he talks, he didn't get an education and he makes awful mistakes all the time (I'm a teacher and I keep correcting him all the time). He doesn't have good manners either.
I don't know, I'm feeling exhausted. I guess I wanted to make it work. I am 40 already and really afraid of being on my own.
Thanks for listening,
Mar

Former Member

if it doesnt feel right, then it isnt. Being on your own is hard but your relationship should make you happy

Former Member

I'd say the the relationship has run it's course. You clearly aren't right for each other and the things you highlight as "issues" are significant enough that they will undermine any future you might have. You will always be aware of them and, no matter how much you love him, they will just grate on you more and more.

So the question is, do you want to stick with him and be unhappy or take a chance that you will still meet Mr Right? IMHO you shouldn't settle for something which you don't really want just to avoid being alone.

Hope it goes okay on Sat. Be strong and be consitent and you will be fine.

Former Member

Hi,Suzy,
it hurts but I guess you are right.

Former Member

If his manners and speech irritate you, then you can bet your bottom dollar that your correcting him all the time will irritate him. Some things are just not meant to be. Like Suzy says, if it doesn't feel right, it isn't. Time to move on.

That said, I rather doubt that the fundamental problem lies with his lack of education, speech or manners. My OH and I come from opposite sides of the track, so his speech, educational background and manners are different from mine. The only time that it mattered was way back when we first met. A few of our "friends" made fun of our obvious differences and wouldn't accept us as a couple. Gradually, as they realised we were a permanent fixture, they either stuck with us or went their own way. I must say, neither of us felt any great loss over those who fell by the wayside. We have a lot in common, and we have BOTH made a slight shift in our speech and manners, so the differences are (we like to think) less obvious now.

Remember when the next guy comes along, never judge a book by its cover ...

Former Member

Thank you so much for your posts. It's really comforting to get support from you guys.
I don't really know what I feel anymore, I guess I've been thinking too much and I can feel my head spinning around!
I think I love him but I can feel our relationship sinking. And, yes, he is definitely bothered by my correcting! And I guess I can't blame him, it must be awful.
Of course, I also fear dating again. The world of dating is really scary. When I think of dating again, I feel discouraged. We met on the internet and I met some really weird guys there and I also got my computer hackered and went thru a rough time! It all brings awful memories. And here in Spain men don't often ask you out as they do in other countries. It seems they wait for you to be on a dating site!
I've just read my own post and I can see I AM SOOO SCARED!!!
God help me!
Thanks again for being there!
Mar