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Not sure what to do...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello!
I'm Nat and here is my problem.
Well, i'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for about 15 months now and i'm starting to get a little, well, tired of it. He's my first "proper" boyfriend.
I don't really know where to start. Firstly, I guess, is that i'm not sure whether I love him or not. When we got together I suppose I thought "Oh my god, my first boyfriend!!! I'm so in love!!!" Mainly because I thought it would never happen to me. Some days I feel as though I love him and some days I feel as though I can't stand him. He said " I love you" very soon into the relationship and I said it back. I don't know if I meant it or I was just saying it because I didn't know what else to say and I didn't want him to feel awkward.
Secondly, I hate going to his house. As were only young we both still live with our parents, and frankly, our family lives are completely different. His parents both smoke like chimneys and everytime I get home after being there I absolutley stink of cigarettes and I feel quite grungy. They live in a council house, (which I have no problem with), and live off benefits and disability benefits. His father has some psychological problems and uses that as an excuse to sit on his backside all day. Basically, whenever i've been at his house his father is either smoking, drinking or asleep on the couch. Whenver I go in or leave he stands in the room my boyfriend and I are in and stares. At first I accpeted it because I knew of his psychological problems, but now it's just getting a little creepy.
His mother, when I go round, is either smoking, yelling at his dad or on the computer. They have a horse ( which in my opinion, if your living off benefits and have to ration what amount of money your spending on food because you have to feed the horse, then you can't afford a horse).
I hardly ever see his sister but when I do, she seems okay.
The reason i'm telling you about his family is because he keeps saying he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. At first it was cute and I sort of just basked in the attention I was recieving. But now it's also getting creepy.
My boyfriend himself has some pyschological problems. Once we got into a really big argument (during text messaging) and he started cutting. Now it feels like whenever I need to say something to him that may lead to an argument (e.g, how i'm feeling at the moment) I can't say it, because I feel responsible for his cutting.
When my family and I went away on holiday for 2 weeks, I didn't miss him. At all. I was glad to get away for two weeks. And as I type this I haven't seen him since the 22nd of December and yet still, I don't miss him.
I'm really embarrased if we go out together, even if it's just to the petrol station down the road from his house. He dresses really badly, and I know I can't change the way he dresses because it's his individuality ( he's a punk) but it doesn't stop me from being embarrased when people are staring or when somebody says something about it. So we never go out together, we alway sit in and watch tv or dvds.
I'm sure theres probably more to this but I think i've written enough.
Don't know what to do.... :banghead:
I'm Nat and here is my problem.
Well, i'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for about 15 months now and i'm starting to get a little, well, tired of it. He's my first "proper" boyfriend.
I don't really know where to start. Firstly, I guess, is that i'm not sure whether I love him or not. When we got together I suppose I thought "Oh my god, my first boyfriend!!! I'm so in love!!!" Mainly because I thought it would never happen to me. Some days I feel as though I love him and some days I feel as though I can't stand him. He said " I love you" very soon into the relationship and I said it back. I don't know if I meant it or I was just saying it because I didn't know what else to say and I didn't want him to feel awkward.
Secondly, I hate going to his house. As were only young we both still live with our parents, and frankly, our family lives are completely different. His parents both smoke like chimneys and everytime I get home after being there I absolutley stink of cigarettes and I feel quite grungy. They live in a council house, (which I have no problem with), and live off benefits and disability benefits. His father has some psychological problems and uses that as an excuse to sit on his backside all day. Basically, whenever i've been at his house his father is either smoking, drinking or asleep on the couch. Whenver I go in or leave he stands in the room my boyfriend and I are in and stares. At first I accpeted it because I knew of his psychological problems, but now it's just getting a little creepy.
His mother, when I go round, is either smoking, yelling at his dad or on the computer. They have a horse ( which in my opinion, if your living off benefits and have to ration what amount of money your spending on food because you have to feed the horse, then you can't afford a horse).
I hardly ever see his sister but when I do, she seems okay.
The reason i'm telling you about his family is because he keeps saying he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. At first it was cute and I sort of just basked in the attention I was recieving. But now it's also getting creepy.
My boyfriend himself has some pyschological problems. Once we got into a really big argument (during text messaging) and he started cutting. Now it feels like whenever I need to say something to him that may lead to an argument (e.g, how i'm feeling at the moment) I can't say it, because I feel responsible for his cutting.
When my family and I went away on holiday for 2 weeks, I didn't miss him. At all. I was glad to get away for two weeks. And as I type this I haven't seen him since the 22nd of December and yet still, I don't miss him.
I'm really embarrased if we go out together, even if it's just to the petrol station down the road from his house. He dresses really badly, and I know I can't change the way he dresses because it's his individuality ( he's a punk) but it doesn't stop me from being embarrased when people are staring or when somebody says something about it. So we never go out together, we alway sit in and watch tv or dvds.
I'm sure theres probably more to this but I think i've written enough.
Don't know what to do.... :banghead:
0
Comments
You don't miss him and you're embarrassed to be seen with him. How are you meant to go out and enjoy yourself together if you're ashamed to be seen with him? You can't.
From what you've said, unless he feels the same, he's not going to take the break-up well, however, you should not let the fact that he may self harm from stopping you breaking up with him. Sometimes you have to be selfish and do what is best for you. He obviously has some issues which need to be sorted out.
Your relationship with him doesn't sound a happy one and I think you know yourself that ending it is the best possible thing.
Hi guys, thanks for all your advice. Sorry I didn't say sooner but I forgot all about posting this question.
I did end it, about 3 weeks ago. I realised that I wasn't happy and that it was better for both of us if I ended it rather than strung him along.
I'm single now and plan to stay single for a while.
Just wanted to say thanks
Yes, thank you. I found it a little hard at first, you know, resisting the temptation to just say "I was wrong, lets get back together". But as time has gone on I realised I made the right desicion and i'm in a good place now. My parents have both commented on how they seemed to have gotten "their natalie" back. Not sure what they mean though.:)