He's a bully.

Former Member

This might be a bit of a long post, so im sorry in advance.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and we do have our good times were we get on really well, we have a laugh and hes very loving when he wants to be. But he can also be a real bully to me, but i just cant seem to stand up to him or anything, im a bit scared of him really. I know he would never hurt me physically, but the things he says are very hurtful. If he has had a bad day, if i say the wrong thing, i'l get all sorts off him. He talks down to me, patronises me, calls me every name under the sun and will always threaten to leave me, or actually do it(then we will get back a few days later).

Also, he is one of those people who always have to be right, i know thats not a major problem, but if i try tell him hes not, he will get really angry and it will result in an arguement, so i just keep quiet and agree with the things he says, and i guess thats my fault and where i have gone wrong, i havent stood up to him. I know the thing to do would be to break up with him, but i cant bring myself to, because despite all this, i do love him very much, if i go to finish it, i think of all our funny good times we do have and i feel bad, and love him all the more. I know he loves me, but another problem here, is his trust and jealousy. He is always saying really childish things to me involving my best friend who is a boy, like 'oh go fuck so and so' and it gets me down so much. I feel like i cant go out anywhere with my male friends, cos i will just get accused of stuff, so its just easier not to.

If i didnt love him this whole thing would be so much easier, the old me wouldnt have stood for all this, i have stood up to him a few times before, but ive found its easier just to say sorry and hope we will be okay. I just dont want people thinking he is a bad person, because he isn't, hes done a lot for me, he has been there for me before when ive needed him, he is always treating me and taking me out, and that makes me feel really special. Hes not like this to just me, hes like it to his family too, but me being his girlfriend i think i get the worst of it.

Over christmas, things have been a bit better, its just as he has been having troubles at work, its all getting taken out on me and im beginning to wonder how much more i can take I miss my male friends too, which isnt nice. I love my boyfriend to bits but this just needs to stop and im all out of ideas, someone please help me..

Sorry if none of this makes sence or i have repeated myself a few times, my head is all over the place.

Thanks in advance.

Former Member

Not all abusive relationships are violent. You are right, your boyfriend is a bully ... and you are in an abusive relationship. Look at what you have written, "the old me wouldn't have stood for this". He needs you more than you need him. He doesn't know what love is, but by treating you and taking you out, he is trying to ensure you wont desert him. It sounds like a pretty hollow relationship to me. You think you love him, but I think you are just too afraid to leave.

Former Member

Im so sorry to hear this But no boyfriend should treat you like this, there is no excuse at all for his behaviour. Just keep telling yourself that its not your fault that hes acting this way, you're doing nothing wrong at all.

Honestly, I dont think hes going to turn his act around, so it just sounds like the relationship is going in circles. But if you do truely believe that he can be a better person then both of you take a break, not just for a few days, but for weeks maybe a couple of months. But i think the best thing for you both is to go your seperate ways, dont feel bad that he treats you to stuff and takes you out, I know alot of boys who/would use that to minipulate girls to get what they want, which (im sorry) is what he sounds like hes doing to you.

I hope everything works out for you!

Former Member

double post, oppps!

Former Member

I second what the other two said. Abusive relationships come in all forms and it's important you look after yourself because in my experience, these people never change.

Former Member

Smartie wrote: »

If i didnt love him this whole thing would be so much easier, the old me wouldnt have stood for all this, i have stood up to him a few times before, but ive found its easier just to say sorry and hope we will be okay. I just dont want people thinking he is a bad person, because he isn't,

Actually he is a bad person, but love is blind.

You know he treats you badly, you know he's no good for you. You also know what you have to do.

Things will not get better on their own, he will just continue like this or perhaps worse. Stand up for yourself, please.

Former Member

MoK wrote: »

he will just continue like this or perhaps worse.

:yes: He knows he can get away with it, so he'll just carry on doing it.