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My love life as of now.... im at sea :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i dont know how else to explain, so im posting an email correspondence (edited to mask specifics). right now im 7 in the morning, very lonely, drinking sips of cheap horrible rum...
GIRL:
Hey [J].
[Beach a] without FB- internet cafe possibilities pretty limited... Merry Christmas!! Things cool here- you? Did you find your sailor? I loved meeting you- bla bla you know!!! Thanks again :-) I think I would call you a real gentleman- wish my sailor was more like that, but hey- its the two of us who is responsible for teaching them about love, eh?
Hugs
ME:
hello went to xmas party at [bar] last night and it was great fun. my sailors doing alright. we plan to go diving in [beach b] tomorrow with two others. very much looking forward to it. found a holiday romance over there?
im glad that our brief encounter left a positive impression on you. we could meet up for a few drinks when your back in [city]. we can talk about your adventures and misadventures in [beach a]. haha. speak soon.
GIRL:
Shout the fuck up :-) Misadventures? I make none... Adventures with the opposite sex stops before kissing for me but yeah, I see that I can get whatever I want- thats enough for my alcohol egoboost :-) Think I told you!! Everything is for a reason and I found beauty in meeting you, you know... I had to test a good looking guy and not feel the same... Cause it is still a Q. for me why the fuck I love that idiot that much! [Beach A] was great fun... My brother brought this amazing girl from Denmark who is going to be a new really good friend- not often, right? Diving with your sailor! Lucky you! Trust your instincts, [J]- if she is there more than five times it is love- girls really dont continue one night stands but people of the world today are scared... You know that too! I know it is hard to believe but try!!! Is it her at the pic? She looks happy I would say!? My Sailor is a pearl to the eye like you... It took me quite some time to really understand that he was not lying when he said he liked me... I mean he could get who ever he wants so why me? For that reason I was not beeing very nice to him for the first many month- and actually it is still a problem for me... Thats the burden of beauty my friend!!! I hope we can meet up next time!! I leave in two days and have a lot of family matter and shopping to attend to, yeah! When ever in doubt: GIVE!!! Easy to say but if I belive you should do that I might sooner or later be able to live it myself :-) See you!!!
GIRL:
I asked no question, but feel free to comment my hippie love crap (my sailors outspoken words to my wisdom... oh, is he confronted by my intelligens!? ha ha ha)
ME:
On the way back to [city] now. So are you saying I was only a test for you? haha. Anyway, the way I see it you are in love with the idea of this man (your ex). When you think of him, you think of the ideal him. What you think may not necessarily reflect reality. So one has to test whether ones ideal is consistent with reality. So test it. What you think of him, is it really how he is? Is it really how he behaves in general and towards you. If not, then the ideal doesn't reflect reality. It is a fantasy. Its your decision whether to remain with the fantasy or move on. What friend of your brother are you talking about? The girl in the picture isn't my sailor. This is where it gets complicated. I have girlfriend in england, long distance, longest I've been with anyone despite the distance. I'm not in love with her but she is with me. I'm in love with my sailor. we had a fantastic time last night, me opening up about my life and she being understanding rather than rejecting. And I felt like we were progressing. Then the morning after, this morning, my english girl rang, while we were still sleeping. my sailor didn't realise it was my phone answered and heard the other on the phone. the conversation was brief cos I was still groggy. Later ny sailor asked who it was and I gave an unconvincing excuse which she most likely didn't believe but didn't say anything. Before this incident I believed what you said [about love] that my sailor has seen me several times, was apologetic the night [girl and i] met because I was mad at [my sailor], so she probably is in love. But now I'm not secure again. We've been silent most of the day, that is not into each others eyes like last night. And I'm afraid of losing her once again.
GIRL:
Hey [J].
[Beach a] without FB- internet cafe possibilities pretty limited... Merry Christmas!! Things cool here- you? Did you find your sailor? I loved meeting you- bla bla you know!!! Thanks again :-) I think I would call you a real gentleman- wish my sailor was more like that, but hey- its the two of us who is responsible for teaching them about love, eh?
Hugs
ME:
hello went to xmas party at [bar] last night and it was great fun. my sailors doing alright. we plan to go diving in [beach b] tomorrow with two others. very much looking forward to it. found a holiday romance over there?
im glad that our brief encounter left a positive impression on you. we could meet up for a few drinks when your back in [city]. we can talk about your adventures and misadventures in [beach a]. haha. speak soon.GIRL:
Shout the fuck up :-) Misadventures? I make none... Adventures with the opposite sex stops before kissing for me but yeah, I see that I can get whatever I want- thats enough for my alcohol egoboost :-) Think I told you!! Everything is for a reason and I found beauty in meeting you, you know... I had to test a good looking guy and not feel the same... Cause it is still a Q. for me why the fuck I love that idiot that much! [Beach A] was great fun... My brother brought this amazing girl from Denmark who is going to be a new really good friend- not often, right? Diving with your sailor! Lucky you! Trust your instincts, [J]- if she is there more than five times it is love- girls really dont continue one night stands but people of the world today are scared... You know that too! I know it is hard to believe but try!!! Is it her at the pic? She looks happy I would say!? My Sailor is a pearl to the eye like you... It took me quite some time to really understand that he was not lying when he said he liked me... I mean he could get who ever he wants so why me? For that reason I was not beeing very nice to him for the first many month- and actually it is still a problem for me... Thats the burden of beauty my friend!!! I hope we can meet up next time!! I leave in two days and have a lot of family matter and shopping to attend to, yeah! When ever in doubt: GIVE!!! Easy to say but if I belive you should do that I might sooner or later be able to live it myself :-) See you!!!
GIRL:
I asked no question, but feel free to comment my hippie love crap (my sailors outspoken words to my wisdom... oh, is he confronted by my intelligens!? ha ha ha)
ME:
On the way back to [city] now. So are you saying I was only a test for you? haha. Anyway, the way I see it you are in love with the idea of this man (your ex). When you think of him, you think of the ideal him. What you think may not necessarily reflect reality. So one has to test whether ones ideal is consistent with reality. So test it. What you think of him, is it really how he is? Is it really how he behaves in general and towards you. If not, then the ideal doesn't reflect reality. It is a fantasy. Its your decision whether to remain with the fantasy or move on. What friend of your brother are you talking about? The girl in the picture isn't my sailor. This is where it gets complicated. I have girlfriend in england, long distance, longest I've been with anyone despite the distance. I'm not in love with her but she is with me. I'm in love with my sailor. we had a fantastic time last night, me opening up about my life and she being understanding rather than rejecting. And I felt like we were progressing. Then the morning after, this morning, my english girl rang, while we were still sleeping. my sailor didn't realise it was my phone answered and heard the other on the phone. the conversation was brief cos I was still groggy. Later ny sailor asked who it was and I gave an unconvincing excuse which she most likely didn't believe but didn't say anything. Before this incident I believed what you said [about love] that my sailor has seen me several times, was apologetic the night [girl and i] met because I was mad at [my sailor], so she probably is in love. But now I'm not secure again. We've been silent most of the day, that is not into each others eyes like last night. And I'm afraid of losing her once again.
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Comments
How you feeling - any more correspondence?
Sounds like muddy waters to be honest and perhaps the drama of this situation is enticing?
Be good to hear more about how you feel without all the convo inbetween.
although what do you mean about knowing how i feel without the conversation in between?
one night i became upset with my sailor because of her behaviour, so i went out elsewhere and slept with the GIRL. but it was just a one night stand and we had a wonderful time.
again, my sailor is just the term i used to describe the one i like at the moment.
does it make sense?
okay how about this. the girl ive fallen for is french. the girl im in correspondence with, whom i had a one-night stand with, is danish. i was upset with the french girl because she was beign unreliable that night, so i went out and met and slept with the danish girl. and now the danish girl and i are in correspondence. my sailor is the french girl. the danishi girl's sailor is her ex boyfriend.
but i do know it's not fair on the sailor (?) if you go and have a one night stand with the GIRL (?) just because she (the sailor) was unreliable one night...
i think next time you should use person A,B,C etc or fake names, would be so much easier to understand for us!
in the correspondence, its only the items in brackets [] that i edited. the rest were as it was. and it isnt the girl im in correspondence with that im in love. we are talking about our elusive loved ones; our sailors. haha.
ill make try to future postings clearer next time though.
let both who go?
but then again i have become thoroughly confused! maybe i haven't understood the post
Also, i forgot to mention, that the night Girl B became unreliable, i thought she was trying to break up and being evasive was her benign way of showing it, rather than being up front. So that night i went out and met and slept with Girl C, who also have problems with her love, her own sailor--sailor being the metaphor i used to refer to Girl B, because sailors are in love with the sea rather than ourselves, which Girl C adopted to describe her ex.
right, the way i now see it i think you should leave Girl B or at least confess to your cheating with Girl C- she deserves to know what you've done. See what her reaction is. Leave Girl C alone- she needs to sort out her own relationship too.
And Girl A, well she's the one who I hadn't picked up on before, you say she loves you? do you feel the same about her? if you don't like her (as in relationship wise not generally not liking her, if that makes sense) you need to tell her this asap. If you like her, then once you've sorted out Girls B and C you can talk to her again about a possible relationship.
Does this sound more to your point?! *fingers crossed!*
Who i cant live without is Girl B.
I will not prematurely let go of Girl A until I'm secure with Girl B. However, I'm doubtful Girl B will remain with me due to various barriers, so I will be stuck with Girl A.
Girl C - just friends
Girl B seems to be the one you should go for. If you have tryied and she knocked you down, move on because you don't seem to know what you really want.
theres is still a glimmer of hope with Girl B, and I will keep trying until i fully understand what it is that is stopping her from being with me.
as with Girl A, she is all i have at the moment. she loves me and it isnt easy to find someone who will love you. perhaps you dont have a problem with others loving you but others do. plus she has good values which in the long run will be beneficial. also at the moment, she's my one hope of having a normal life.
it's sad but it's the dilemma i've foudn myself in.
It sounds like you're just using her until someone better comes along that *you* can love.... if you don't have feelings towards her then please don't keep it going. Its unfair on Girl A for one, as she deserves someone who loves her back.
Just because its just the way it is, doesnt mean its the way it should be.
:yes: sounds like everyone is in agreement, but don't use girl A because she's all you have, kind of sounds a bit selfish, and without meaning to sound corny, if it doesn't work out with Girl B, you'll find your Girl D at some point! and i think this'll be better for you in the long run!
That's the thing about being young. It is OK to play the field and preferable to being lonely. But I did that and ended up married to an alcoholic depressive, 20 years my senior ...
I kidded myself that it was working, but when another man threw me a life-ring, I jumped ship (and reinvented myself as the scarlet maneater that I am today. :flirt:). LOL!