Not in a good place

Former Member

Hello all

I'm an 18 year old guy. Come June last year, I was the figure of health, I was physically, mentally and socially fit.

Now, I'm pretty much in the gutter. I have a big stomough (42 inch) and I've put on 3 stone over the past 2 years, I'm now 15st 7lbs. I've become someone who simply lives the life of leisure, because deep down, I must be a lazy bastard. In the past I went the gym 4 times a week, I was active, happy and doing alright overall. Now I spend 90% of my time in the house because I can't find any motivation to do anything. I have developed a drinking problem, and I drink more regularly than I would have ever allowed, and regularly too.

I just cant get there anymore, I'm depressed and I can't see any point to anything. By all means, this is not down to my current weight and more down to deeper seated issues. Rather, my weight is really just a physical proliferation of where I'm at right now. I sometimes have upto a week where I get on the "health" track, and start eating healthy, stop drinking and exercise heavily, and I just can't keep to it and I don't know why.

Problem is it's a catch 22, I can't have any of the confidence or physical ability I once had, therefore I can't get my life sorted and recover mentally. I no longer have any friends for support or to do anything, because most of them have either moved on in Uni or I haven't maintained the relationship.

I literally am stuck in a rut. I figure if I can get fit, I can become confident, and if I can get confident I can continue working toward my goals. Right now, I don't even have any clothes that fit me anymore let alone the capacity to do what I want to do with my life.

As unnecessarily philosophical as it may be, I know this all began when my whole outlook on life changed (for multiple reasons). I've developed a sort of apathy about life, and I have become reckless. I really "just don't care" - but I do.

Is there anyone who has some advice?

Cheers

Former Member

I think you need a reason to take care of yourself. You probably lost your when your outlook changed, and haven't found a new one yet.

Former Member

Hi Stephen,

If you don't mind me saying, and I'm not diagnosing you over the internet, but you do sound depressed. Have you spoke to your doctor about this? You seem in touch with your own needs and have identified that perhaps the weight gain isn't the sole cause of your lack of motivation, but rather a symptom.

I can't say that I understand 100% how you feel but I can relate to how you say that your outlook on life has changed and you have become reckless. When certain events happened in my life it did make me think the same thing - we all die so who cares what we do?

But at some point I also realised I want a better life for -myself- than what I had, and that spurred me into some sort of action to start working harder at life in general. I'm not saying this because I think you can snap your fingers, but rather because I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I think in the meantime though, the most direct actions you could take would be to start up the exercise again, even if its just a walk tbh. It makes you feel so much better for getting the fresh air. I think you should talk to a doctor about how you are feeling because just reading your post and how you say you are feeling depressed.. it's not something trivial that is just down to being 'lazy' as you allude to, its a real, serious, medical issue that affects many people and you don't have to just put up with it because it's not as obvious as say a physical disability, it still affects you every day - and a doctor will be able to help point you in the right direction to getting it dealt with and sorted.

On a personal note, I hope things pick up soon mate. Stay safe.

Former Member

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.

I'd say it began a long while ago (About 13), I could write a novel about about it, it's that long winded - condensed - I fell in unrequited love (No, genuinely), with a best friend - and all went sour. Wrong gender apparently. I hit a rut, bullied for a few years and isolated - but got out of it, and ended up becoming friends with said person again 2 years ago. Ended up hitting the same conflict with the same person and it has messed me up.

I'm over that now, I became disillusioned with that person - but I've had other major problems at home recently and in my head more so. I've had recurent fleeting suicidal ideas, but never attempted to carry them out. I could never do it anyway, so no worries there. More I just feel lost, I failed at my A-Levels due to said issues, only achiving a C and an E - I suppose that brought me down a fair bit considering I was on track for an ABB at AS level.

I don't belong anywhere or fit in anywhere, I used to volunteer a lot but gave it up due to (as I know) merely my own insecurities.

I suppose my whole outlook on life at the moment can only be summed up as sheer existential crisis, Theres no point to much anything objectively, and can't find anything in me to fabricate my own level of meaning. Life really is what you make it, so in the end - nothing. You could call me a bit of a misanthrope but that would be unfair, more I just can't bring myself to piss around with all the beauracracy and bullshit placed infront of me in order to achieve my quite modest goals.

I am almost certainly depressed, but I don't want to be diagnosed depressed because my career goals require full medical history disclosure and I can't afford to be discriminated against - being diagnosed as depressed makes me ineligable for the career I want despite me being an excelent candidate otherwise. That's just not fair and I'd rather weather the storm to be honest.

Former Member

Don't try and fix everything all at once - it's just too hard.

I'd suggest you get back into the gym habit - the regular exercise should help with depression, and completing a workout can give a small sense of achievement.

Once you're doing that, try improving your diet - don't aim for a perfect one, but try to make sure you're getting 3 meals a day, and at least one of those is a well balanced one.

Once that's going well look at reducing the drinking.

Former Member

LiverpoolStephen wrote: »

Hi,

I am almost certainly depressed, but I don't want to be diagnosed depressed because my career goals require full medical history disclosure and I can't afford to be discriminated against - being diagnosed as depressed makes me ineligable for the career I want despite me being an excelent candidate otherwise. That's just not fair and I'd rather weather the storm to be honest.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure this is against the law?

Former Member

In general, it's supposed to be, but there are exceptions - and even when there aren't proving you've been discriminated against is hard.