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How to deal with obsessive friends
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Any advice?
I live with somebody who I think is obsessed with me and overly clingy...
History:
Met this guy at uni and we hit it off, as we both love cooking and share a few interests. We moved in together with a horrible man who caused trouble, but other guy basically hid behind me whilst I sorted sh*t out...
Recently:
Clingy friend is getting creepy. He cancelled seeing his grandmother to spend time with me, he cancelled a date to spend time with me... As if I have nothing better to do than sit in his room. He calls me a lot if I am not in the house, if I have friends over he completely dominates the conversation.
If I have a friend he thinks I fancy (and I have started to notice this more recently) he suddenly gets a fascination in their sex life and decides to broadcast how they're soooo in to other people. I picked up on that recently, he did it to a girl I liked but had a falling out with. He invited her over a few times with another girl she fancies and kept rubbing it in my face... Now he thinks I fancy a mutual friend (or tells people I do) and keeps talking about her having loads of sex.
:eek2: Yeah weird
He can't stand the fact I need to be alone sometimes and emotionally blackmailed me in to celebrating my birthday when I didn't want to, by saying people were coming over especially. Of course, he wanted to watch Bollywood and do people's henna, so even then it was what he wanted to do and not me....
He has also asked to sleep in my room before. That was weird... He tries to cuddle up with me, or put his head in my lap in social situations. It gets a bit embarrassing. I mean I am cool to mess around with mates, playfight, hug but not in that way.
Recently:
He called me in work and then after I had therapy and I said I don't want to hang out for a few days, I want him to leave me alone. He told my friend I was aggressive about it, but I was just very blunt.
He got pissed off because the day after, I went to see a friend, He kept on trying to call her as he knew she was staying over. She said she was in Brixton with me, he text back saying how he is at home where he always is and how I told him I only want to be alone...
Everything is just annoying me now. He has turned around and said he is moving out Tuesday and cutting contact with me. I think this is an emotional blackmail to get his own way again. Like if I say I want to spend the evening alone and he sayd "I am so sorry, I am a bad friend, I'll go stay in another house". It makes me feel bad for pulling him up on his behaviours.
But I actually don't think he will move... He's freaking me out. He says things like "I could never be without you" and "I am scared of losing you". I am not his partner, mother, sister or property.
If he doesn't go, what can I do? I can't stand to live like this much longer...
ETA: I have tried to tell him I don't want a close friendship and want to be left alone and he doesn't take this in to account. It seems I either have to spend time with him, or be alone. He always points out if I talk about spending time with people how I said I wanted to be alone. I know he has issues, but this is stressing me out.
I live with somebody who I think is obsessed with me and overly clingy...
History:
Met this guy at uni and we hit it off, as we both love cooking and share a few interests. We moved in together with a horrible man who caused trouble, but other guy basically hid behind me whilst I sorted sh*t out...
Recently:
Clingy friend is getting creepy. He cancelled seeing his grandmother to spend time with me, he cancelled a date to spend time with me... As if I have nothing better to do than sit in his room. He calls me a lot if I am not in the house, if I have friends over he completely dominates the conversation.
If I have a friend he thinks I fancy (and I have started to notice this more recently) he suddenly gets a fascination in their sex life and decides to broadcast how they're soooo in to other people. I picked up on that recently, he did it to a girl I liked but had a falling out with. He invited her over a few times with another girl she fancies and kept rubbing it in my face... Now he thinks I fancy a mutual friend (or tells people I do) and keeps talking about her having loads of sex.
:eek2: Yeah weird
He can't stand the fact I need to be alone sometimes and emotionally blackmailed me in to celebrating my birthday when I didn't want to, by saying people were coming over especially. Of course, he wanted to watch Bollywood and do people's henna, so even then it was what he wanted to do and not me....
He has also asked to sleep in my room before. That was weird... He tries to cuddle up with me, or put his head in my lap in social situations. It gets a bit embarrassing. I mean I am cool to mess around with mates, playfight, hug but not in that way.
Recently:
He called me in work and then after I had therapy and I said I don't want to hang out for a few days, I want him to leave me alone. He told my friend I was aggressive about it, but I was just very blunt.
He got pissed off because the day after, I went to see a friend, He kept on trying to call her as he knew she was staying over. She said she was in Brixton with me, he text back saying how he is at home where he always is and how I told him I only want to be alone...
Everything is just annoying me now. He has turned around and said he is moving out Tuesday and cutting contact with me. I think this is an emotional blackmail to get his own way again. Like if I say I want to spend the evening alone and he sayd "I am so sorry, I am a bad friend, I'll go stay in another house". It makes me feel bad for pulling him up on his behaviours.
But I actually don't think he will move... He's freaking me out. He says things like "I could never be without you" and "I am scared of losing you". I am not his partner, mother, sister or property.
If he doesn't go, what can I do? I can't stand to live like this much longer...
ETA: I have tried to tell him I don't want a close friendship and want to be left alone and he doesn't take this in to account. It seems I either have to spend time with him, or be alone. He always points out if I talk about spending time with people how I said I wanted to be alone. I know he has issues, but this is stressing me out.
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Comments
I think you have to work out how to tell him you want to spend time without him, without saying you want to be alone. I have no idea how you would do that.
A few others have mentioned it too... The behaviour and how sexual he can talk to them. It's mainly women he's like this to, I think. Sometimes I wonder how much he actually respects women and if he is being like he is with me because I am female.
There's no talking to him. I have attempted to pull him up on his behaviour before and he tries to make me feel guilty by being all sorry and saying what a bad person he is. My friend tried it and he just rolled his eyes at her. To him, if I have a problem with his behaviour then I am obviously in a bad mood... It's not an issue with him being so clingy.
go all femenist on his ass!! start talking constantly about how horrible men are and how u cant even stand to be friends with them.(ok perhaps a little extreme lol)
but seriously theres no better way to put a man off you than to start slating men at every opportunity. in my experience "typical man" is a gr8 way to start.
you could also try acting very differently he obviously loves who you are so if who u are changes would he still be so interested?
good luck anyways very interesting story (creepy) though
PS i love you
just kidding lol
I had a friend like that when I was in my late teens. I had my first proper job in a smart boutique in London. The guy would keep on calling me at work just to talk mush and, when we did meet up, he was soooooo clingy, that I was embarrassed to go out together with other mates. In the end, my showroom manager boss, observed me trying (rather pathetically) to get him off the phone, and simply put her finger over the receiver hook, cutting him off. She wasn't being 'managerial' or unkind, she just said "Sometimes it just isn't worth the bother of letting them down gently", and she was right. We barely spoke again afterwards and it was a huge relief.