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Housemates Really Getting Me Down
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been living in my house in Bristol since the start of September, basically I was just about able to endure my living arrangements, since I was working 3 nights a week doing bar work and my work friends coming over on the odd occassion, and going on work nights out. Unfortunately I really had to quit my job because I was working too many nights to fit with my studies and as a result lost part of my social life as well.
(I should first point out that I didnt know my housemates before since I took a few years out from uni, and my original house mates had already graduated.)
I've been pretty depressed about my living situation since the start, but since I am no longer working I am here more often and I really hate it here. The guy down stairs is weird and creepy he has all these mantras on his wall saying things which I dont want to repeat on here, the girl in the room next door is very anti social, she never talks to me, her boyfriend stays here every night. Altough I am guessing the plan is not to contribute with bills etc. The general mood here is very anti social, my heart sinks the minute I open the door and I dread returning to my house. The one person who used to be ok that I felt I could actually talk to and were 'house friends' and we'd been down the pub a few times (she knows how I feel about the house situation)- I came back the other night and overheard her inviting the couple to the pub with her, I was upset when I realised I was not about to be invited, since I thought if the house are going out, surely everyone should be invited?? It isnt the first time- I noticed before that she never invites all of us to the pub, just the couple. I feel gutted about missing out on opportunities to get to know them, because I am a nice person and I actually care about getting to know these people (although they dont ever make it easy). I just wonder, as she knows my feelings on the situation and she's in a position to do something to help, why doesnt she? Its as if she wants us separate or something it seems. Honestly, I dont hate these people I just feel so depressingly disconnected from them whilst my other house mate seems to be having loads of fun with them. I dont even understand this situation.
I have tried a few times to organise house socials but they just dont seem interested, I used to ask more often in the beginning, I never ask now as it I've learned it only leads to disappointment.
I tried to point this out to the house mate who arranges these pub nites, but then she turned on me, got very angry and said 'i cant be bothered with your shit', etc which was so upsetting as now I dont even see her as a friend anymore. I felt so awful that we'd had arguement the next day that I said I'm sorry I was just a bit upset because you never invited me until i mentioned about you guys going out, she was aggressive again, said the same horrible things to me as before- (which was worse this time, as the first time she'd had a few drinks, and i know people can get over emotional after a few),this time she was sober. I wondered how she could be so cruel since we were supposed to be friends, now I just think she is awful.
I am naturally friendly, I consider myself to be a nice person the people I am living with make me feel like I dont exist. I have told other friends about the situation and they have said that I shouldnt be bothered if they are going to be unpleasant and I know its true but its hard when you give a shit about people. I am so depressed I do have other friends but, of course I cannot always be away from the house all the time it really is such an awful situation to be in, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
(I should first point out that I didnt know my housemates before since I took a few years out from uni, and my original house mates had already graduated.)
I've been pretty depressed about my living situation since the start, but since I am no longer working I am here more often and I really hate it here. The guy down stairs is weird and creepy he has all these mantras on his wall saying things which I dont want to repeat on here, the girl in the room next door is very anti social, she never talks to me, her boyfriend stays here every night. Altough I am guessing the plan is not to contribute with bills etc. The general mood here is very anti social, my heart sinks the minute I open the door and I dread returning to my house. The one person who used to be ok that I felt I could actually talk to and were 'house friends' and we'd been down the pub a few times (she knows how I feel about the house situation)- I came back the other night and overheard her inviting the couple to the pub with her, I was upset when I realised I was not about to be invited, since I thought if the house are going out, surely everyone should be invited?? It isnt the first time- I noticed before that she never invites all of us to the pub, just the couple. I feel gutted about missing out on opportunities to get to know them, because I am a nice person and I actually care about getting to know these people (although they dont ever make it easy). I just wonder, as she knows my feelings on the situation and she's in a position to do something to help, why doesnt she? Its as if she wants us separate or something it seems. Honestly, I dont hate these people I just feel so depressingly disconnected from them whilst my other house mate seems to be having loads of fun with them. I dont even understand this situation.
I have tried a few times to organise house socials but they just dont seem interested, I used to ask more often in the beginning, I never ask now as it I've learned it only leads to disappointment.
I tried to point this out to the house mate who arranges these pub nites, but then she turned on me, got very angry and said 'i cant be bothered with your shit', etc which was so upsetting as now I dont even see her as a friend anymore. I felt so awful that we'd had arguement the next day that I said I'm sorry I was just a bit upset because you never invited me until i mentioned about you guys going out, she was aggressive again, said the same horrible things to me as before- (which was worse this time, as the first time she'd had a few drinks, and i know people can get over emotional after a few),this time she was sober. I wondered how she could be so cruel since we were supposed to be friends, now I just think she is awful.
I am naturally friendly, I consider myself to be a nice person the people I am living with make me feel like I dont exist. I have told other friends about the situation and they have said that I shouldnt be bothered if they are going to be unpleasant and I know its true but its hard when you give a shit about people. I am so depressed I do have other friends but, of course I cannot always be away from the house all the time it really is such an awful situation to be in, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Comments
You sound lovely and i dont believe you are the problem, the problem is your housemates!
You also sound like a sensitive soul, a bit like me, so I can understand where you are coming from. One thing I have learned in life is that no matter how lovely we are as people, (or what good intentions we have) there are always going to be other people out there that for whatever reason, do not like us!! This does not make you a bad person.. just means that it´s not possible to change them!!!
So what i would like to do is suggest that you try your best to accept how they are, to focus on your life, studies, friends you may have, and to try and not let them bother you. Keep yourself to yourself... make your room your haven, or better still, look for another house share with more like minded people. You are far better than them, dont let them get you down!!!
lots of love xxxx MM xxxx