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Bit of a rant (job/relationship)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm feeling a bit low today. Sorry if this is quite long, just needed to say it somewhere, not expecting lots of replies.
Well, right now I'm spending the last year of my (science) degree abroad, I'm here for several more months. I work in a lab every weekday, usually leave the flat around 8 and get back around 7, and also have assignments for my course in UK. I'm feeling quite lonely and have struggled to meet many people that I click with, the work tires me out and I often come back
feeling quite depressed and can't face socialising. I speak the local language fairly well, enough to communicate and for work when I need it but not well enough to have meaningful conversations with people, which is frustrating. I'm struggling with the work a bit - I'm trying my hardest but at the moment I seem to make mistakes every day. I've been fortunate to
get a supervisor that is kind and patient, but I think her patience will probably be stretched too far soon if I keep making stupid mistakes or asking her questions every 15 minutes. I've been here for over 2 months and this is still happening daily. It's like things that are obvious to normal people aren't at all to me, like there is something switched off in my head. I'm feeling totally incompetent and useless. I'm supposed to be writing my Masters thesis this year but right now I just can't ever picture me completing it in reality. 2 days ago I made the worst mistake yet and could have potentially caused an explosion in the lab, i felt so awful. I feel really guilty for wasting my supervisor's time and that she has to be responsible for someone like me for that long, even when I'm not making mistakes I'm slow. The problems are partly because I'm not very specialised in the area, I chose my project at the last minute with limited options as my original choice fell through through unavoidable circumstances.
In addition to this I'm quite unhappy with my long distance relationship and feeling at a loss generally with what to do in life. I have no idea what to do after graduation in the summer, it scares me a bit. I'm considering applying for further study to phD level but funded places are competitive and I dont feel like I could compete with anyone, even though I have some
(limited) relevant work experience, I dont know if my reference from my current placement will be good enough anyway. Other than that I have no ideas, I dont want to teach (or work for a bank or financial corporation which is what a lot of graduate jobs seem to be) but I dont know what its possible to do with my course otherwise. Being abroad, I can't really see a careersadvisor but I probably need to apply for things soon. I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years, we are quite used to being long distance for a while but this is much longer than before. I really want the relationship to work and I love him very much but I am frustrated with some aspects, mostly the ones associated with long-distance, sometimes he doesnt contact me for 3 days (although he is quite busy with work and this is not so bad in itself) and he is never very affectionate (has never really been) in messages and phone calls, I try to hide that I am unhappy
here from him as he can be a bit unsympathetic.Generally I feel like I put most of the effort into the relationship, I am usually the one to initiate contact and arrange to meet up and sending him things and trying to do stuff he would like (though as with life in general I sometimes misjudge this!). in this time he has never said 'i love you' and rarely says he misses me or anything like this, I probably have more affectionate conversations with my parents. I try to let him know how much I miss him but its difficult when he doesnt usually reciprocate. Next year its looking quite improbable that we'll be in the same place and perhaps even the same country. I feel like its just a matter of time until he breaks up with me and this would hurt me very much (I don't tell him any of these things because I dont think he would react very positively).
In the evenings I often binge eat on unhealthy food or drink on my own if I'm feeling particularly down. I know this is bad but can't help it sometimes. I'm healthy weight but worry that I will put on quite a bit this year as I have less time than as a normal student, though I try to exercise as much as I can.
Would be grateful for any advice (and if anyone managed to read that, thankyou)! Before anyone says, I know that these problems pale in comparison to many other people, and I know that I am lucky to have the opportunity I have this year, please be nice!
Well, right now I'm spending the last year of my (science) degree abroad, I'm here for several more months. I work in a lab every weekday, usually leave the flat around 8 and get back around 7, and also have assignments for my course in UK. I'm feeling quite lonely and have struggled to meet many people that I click with, the work tires me out and I often come back
feeling quite depressed and can't face socialising. I speak the local language fairly well, enough to communicate and for work when I need it but not well enough to have meaningful conversations with people, which is frustrating. I'm struggling with the work a bit - I'm trying my hardest but at the moment I seem to make mistakes every day. I've been fortunate to
get a supervisor that is kind and patient, but I think her patience will probably be stretched too far soon if I keep making stupid mistakes or asking her questions every 15 minutes. I've been here for over 2 months and this is still happening daily. It's like things that are obvious to normal people aren't at all to me, like there is something switched off in my head. I'm feeling totally incompetent and useless. I'm supposed to be writing my Masters thesis this year but right now I just can't ever picture me completing it in reality. 2 days ago I made the worst mistake yet and could have potentially caused an explosion in the lab, i felt so awful. I feel really guilty for wasting my supervisor's time and that she has to be responsible for someone like me for that long, even when I'm not making mistakes I'm slow. The problems are partly because I'm not very specialised in the area, I chose my project at the last minute with limited options as my original choice fell through through unavoidable circumstances.
In addition to this I'm quite unhappy with my long distance relationship and feeling at a loss generally with what to do in life. I have no idea what to do after graduation in the summer, it scares me a bit. I'm considering applying for further study to phD level but funded places are competitive and I dont feel like I could compete with anyone, even though I have some
(limited) relevant work experience, I dont know if my reference from my current placement will be good enough anyway. Other than that I have no ideas, I dont want to teach (or work for a bank or financial corporation which is what a lot of graduate jobs seem to be) but I dont know what its possible to do with my course otherwise. Being abroad, I can't really see a careersadvisor but I probably need to apply for things soon. I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years, we are quite used to being long distance for a while but this is much longer than before. I really want the relationship to work and I love him very much but I am frustrated with some aspects, mostly the ones associated with long-distance, sometimes he doesnt contact me for 3 days (although he is quite busy with work and this is not so bad in itself) and he is never very affectionate (has never really been) in messages and phone calls, I try to hide that I am unhappy
here from him as he can be a bit unsympathetic.Generally I feel like I put most of the effort into the relationship, I am usually the one to initiate contact and arrange to meet up and sending him things and trying to do stuff he would like (though as with life in general I sometimes misjudge this!). in this time he has never said 'i love you' and rarely says he misses me or anything like this, I probably have more affectionate conversations with my parents. I try to let him know how much I miss him but its difficult when he doesnt usually reciprocate. Next year its looking quite improbable that we'll be in the same place and perhaps even the same country. I feel like its just a matter of time until he breaks up with me and this would hurt me very much (I don't tell him any of these things because I dont think he would react very positively).
In the evenings I often binge eat on unhealthy food or drink on my own if I'm feeling particularly down. I know this is bad but can't help it sometimes. I'm healthy weight but worry that I will put on quite a bit this year as I have less time than as a normal student, though I try to exercise as much as I can.
Would be grateful for any advice (and if anyone managed to read that, thankyou)! Before anyone says, I know that these problems pale in comparison to many other people, and I know that I am lucky to have the opportunity I have this year, please be nice!
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Comments
Sounds a bit like how I was feeling during the final year of my course. I studied chemistry (combined Master's 4 year course), and was never as good as my supervisors hoped for at it. I had already been told during the second year that I should switch to physics, but for some unknown reason that eludes me to this day, decided not to, despite always being better at it. I ended up doing a final-year project which initially sounded very interesting, but I didn't really have my heart in it and didn't get very good results. I was quite low at the end of the first term since I was feeling very ambivalent about chemistry and science in general as a future, but felt very unsure about what career options might be open and how to pursue them.
In the end, decided to try and look for a job in IT as computers had always been my hobby. I haven't looked back since. I now believe that if you choose something that you are passionate about (i.e. you spend your spare time thinking or doing it) then you should have a natural advantage that can't be taken away. Currently my job does involve some chemistry knowledge (not very much, thankfully), but I have arrived at it only by chance and it's still in IT.
Sounds like you may be a square peg in a round hole, but by the sounds of things you are numerate, literate and have good analytical skills, which should get you into a lot of fields. Often to get into a particular job it's easier to change into it from another one in the same company - I went from being a software tester to a developer, my boss did the same from the support desk. Coincidentally, he's mentioned to me that abandoning his PhD was the best thing he ever did. In short, don't worry about your career since the right one will probably find you eventually.
Don't know what to say about your relationship except that I'm probably the last person who should give advice on it