If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Problem help! Sorry - long!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Basically, i am 20 years old and have been going out with my boyfriend (26) for about 14 months, and i completely love him to bits. We met at the end of summer when i was 'seeing' my ex boyfriend, whom i broke it off with so i could be with my boyfriend now.
So we started 'seeing each other', hanging out all the time, and sleeping over most nights. But, he also had a crazy ex who attempted many times to break us up, who confronted me once saying i shouldn't go near him as they still had 'issues' to sort out. She also threatened to tell me 'stuff' which i am reassured was nothing. But throughout this craziness of her ringing him up in tears etc etc and him disappearing whilst on a date to go see her (still don't know why, he says he just had to sort it out), we stick at it and i refuse to let her break it up. He is lovely, romantic, funny, caring, silly, which i love.
So after a month or so he goes to Reading Fest, and i find out a few days later that he slept with her, i ask him and he lies about it to me, and only when i tell him i know he confesses. I have had trust issues ever since, i know we weren't 'official' but we were sleeping with each other and really cared for each other, dating.
However, we move on and we go to Paris for a weekend where i realise i am in love with him and he asks me out 'officially'. But ever since, although it has been amazing and i have never loved someone like i love him, i still can't trust him, he continunally lies about things, although insignifcant and small, really bug me! And when i tell him i find it hard trusting him he still lies!
Also at the start of our relationship he did nothing but flirt and dance with other girls in front of me which did my head in, he says it was to make me jealous before we actually went out.(tooo many things to even list) But then when we were officially he still did it.Like he had lots of 'girl' friends that i was totally fine with until he goes on about them saying how big her boobs are, or outrageously flriting with another ex, ending in a playfight on the grass in front of me when he took me to see fireworks. He has stopped it now though but i have a bad habbit, which i need to stop, of bringing up the past.
Anyway at the end of summer, just after Paris i had to go to uni, over 10 hours away! We have managed the first year, but i'm finding it so difficult. I have no doubt that he loves me and is sorry for some of the silly things he did but he gets really upset when i'm away and cries down the phone saying he misses me, and he always texts and i find it just really clingy. I have told him quite afew times that he needs to stop ringing me all the time as i end up snapping at him as i just get irritated for no reason.
I love him so much, and know i will end up with him, but i also feel like he has hurt me so many times. Like i feel stupid but i can't get over all the ex stuff, he lied about her on numerous occasions and then slept with her whilst sleeping with me, potentially messing up everything which hurt me so much! And like i don't want to be that annoying jealous gf who i have become because of this!
And i almost want to maybe experience other things...people? As i am only 20, and he is 26 and wants to settle down.
We fight so much and although i love him and we have an amazing connection (even though recently i have completely lost the drive to have sex with him - i don't know why, i just don't feel that crazy attraction i first had).
I thought about and even mentioned having a break, but he became crazy insecure as i kept on being honest about how i felt and saying maybe i wanted to break up. Will a 'break' make it worse? He says he will wait for me forever, which is lovely. So confused! Help!
So we started 'seeing each other', hanging out all the time, and sleeping over most nights. But, he also had a crazy ex who attempted many times to break us up, who confronted me once saying i shouldn't go near him as they still had 'issues' to sort out. She also threatened to tell me 'stuff' which i am reassured was nothing. But throughout this craziness of her ringing him up in tears etc etc and him disappearing whilst on a date to go see her (still don't know why, he says he just had to sort it out), we stick at it and i refuse to let her break it up. He is lovely, romantic, funny, caring, silly, which i love.
So after a month or so he goes to Reading Fest, and i find out a few days later that he slept with her, i ask him and he lies about it to me, and only when i tell him i know he confesses. I have had trust issues ever since, i know we weren't 'official' but we were sleeping with each other and really cared for each other, dating.
However, we move on and we go to Paris for a weekend where i realise i am in love with him and he asks me out 'officially'. But ever since, although it has been amazing and i have never loved someone like i love him, i still can't trust him, he continunally lies about things, although insignifcant and small, really bug me! And when i tell him i find it hard trusting him he still lies!
Also at the start of our relationship he did nothing but flirt and dance with other girls in front of me which did my head in, he says it was to make me jealous before we actually went out.(tooo many things to even list) But then when we were officially he still did it.Like he had lots of 'girl' friends that i was totally fine with until he goes on about them saying how big her boobs are, or outrageously flriting with another ex, ending in a playfight on the grass in front of me when he took me to see fireworks. He has stopped it now though but i have a bad habbit, which i need to stop, of bringing up the past.
Anyway at the end of summer, just after Paris i had to go to uni, over 10 hours away! We have managed the first year, but i'm finding it so difficult. I have no doubt that he loves me and is sorry for some of the silly things he did but he gets really upset when i'm away and cries down the phone saying he misses me, and he always texts and i find it just really clingy. I have told him quite afew times that he needs to stop ringing me all the time as i end up snapping at him as i just get irritated for no reason.
I love him so much, and know i will end up with him, but i also feel like he has hurt me so many times. Like i feel stupid but i can't get over all the ex stuff, he lied about her on numerous occasions and then slept with her whilst sleeping with me, potentially messing up everything which hurt me so much! And like i don't want to be that annoying jealous gf who i have become because of this!
And i almost want to maybe experience other things...people? As i am only 20, and he is 26 and wants to settle down.
We fight so much and although i love him and we have an amazing connection (even though recently i have completely lost the drive to have sex with him - i don't know why, i just don't feel that crazy attraction i first had).
I thought about and even mentioned having a break, but he became crazy insecure as i kept on being honest about how i felt and saying maybe i wanted to break up. Will a 'break' make it worse? He says he will wait for me forever, which is lovely. So confused! Help!
0
Comments
It sounds like you had a rocky start to your relationship
It's quite natural, even if you do decide to forgive someone, to still harbour resentment, but this resentment is often a sign that you're not completely at ease with they way things turned out. Maybe he could have been more sorry or he could have somehow made you feel more positive about the future and that he'd changed?
It's horrible to feel jealous all the time when you know it's not the person you want to be. It's understandable considering what you've been through but it must be really draining and it's a worry that you shouldn't have to have.
Despite his behaviour, early on you chose to stick by him and the decision now is whether going forward you can really put the past in the past and trust him? If he has decided to make a comittment to you now then it's not fair to continue to bring up his past mistakes. Do you think that he still lies to you about things?
The questions you're asking about the age gap and what you both want from life in general are important ones too. Sometimes, when you've gone through a hard time in your relationship, it's difficult to even consider that now it might not be what you want. It can make you feel well 'what was the point in all that hurt? surely it has to be worth it!?'
Perhaps try to think about what would really make you happy right now? A break doesn't always have to make things worse either. Asking for even just a couple of weeks without contact to really get your head straight might help and although it might be hard to digest his reaction to this, if he really is serious about waiting forever, then what's two weeks? It might be good for him too, to gain a bit of perspective on things.
If at the end of that time you do want to make a go of it then perhaps you could use it as a fresh start for you both? If you decide to break up then as flattering as it is for someone to say they will wait forever, is that what you would really want?
It's a really tough one but whatever you decide I hope it works out for you