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Am i making a huge mistake?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really need to talk to someone just to put my mind off things.
Ive been with my boyfriend nearly a year and 8 months, he's my first serous boyfriend and my first everything. I cant tell you how fantastic he is, he's caring, he's good looking, loves me the way i am and always tells me this everyday. Yet he gets under my skin about 50% of the time.
When im with him things are usually pretty good, but when were apart he's texting me all the time. At first i thought it was cute and enjoyed it as every chance i got to talk to him was fantastic. Its getting hard work as i have to text him everyday on the way to work, on my lunch break for the whole hour and then on my way home. Then before i go to bed at 10 o'clock and no later. I loathe texting people now and sometimes hate looking at my phone. Because if im even busy, he keeps sending texts like why aren you texting, text me back etc.
He can also get quite possesive and jealous. I have facebook and a few random guys added me, so my boyfriend added them all checking up on me. He goes through my phone too.
We've had quite a few pathetic arguements over me talking to guys (harmless friendly chats) and he's even made me completely lose contact with these people. Its too much to bear when we have arguments because both of us think were right. We sort of apologise and brush it under the carpet, but its still there.
As i said i enjoy being with him, but all we do is stay in, watch films, talk a bit, and get up to things when were alone. I love him so much but its getting a bit boring. Also he gets mardy if i dont do things for him sexually, so he pesters me (not in a pushy way).
I love him and i know he loves me. I just think he's sort of suffocated me a bit the whole way through the relationship and im a bit fed up. He also always tells me that he never wants to lose me and would de if he did. This worries me too
As soon as another guy shows me attention, i go like weak. Most guys say oh sorry you have a boyfriend, dont want to get you in trouble. Although ive never cheated, im getting closer to doing it.
I just feel that im fed up of being told what to do. I just want the chance to be single and see other guys because i never really had the chance, but i dont want to lose my boyfriend as i know we'd always be together. I love him so much and dont want to hurt him but i cant ignore these problems.
Do i leave him, have failed relationships or meet my soulmate. Or am i about to give up the best thing thats ever happened to me?
Sorry for the essay. Any one want to try and help!?
x
Ive been with my boyfriend nearly a year and 8 months, he's my first serous boyfriend and my first everything. I cant tell you how fantastic he is, he's caring, he's good looking, loves me the way i am and always tells me this everyday. Yet he gets under my skin about 50% of the time.
When im with him things are usually pretty good, but when were apart he's texting me all the time. At first i thought it was cute and enjoyed it as every chance i got to talk to him was fantastic. Its getting hard work as i have to text him everyday on the way to work, on my lunch break for the whole hour and then on my way home. Then before i go to bed at 10 o'clock and no later. I loathe texting people now and sometimes hate looking at my phone. Because if im even busy, he keeps sending texts like why aren you texting, text me back etc.
He can also get quite possesive and jealous. I have facebook and a few random guys added me, so my boyfriend added them all checking up on me. He goes through my phone too.
We've had quite a few pathetic arguements over me talking to guys (harmless friendly chats) and he's even made me completely lose contact with these people. Its too much to bear when we have arguments because both of us think were right. We sort of apologise and brush it under the carpet, but its still there.
As i said i enjoy being with him, but all we do is stay in, watch films, talk a bit, and get up to things when were alone. I love him so much but its getting a bit boring. Also he gets mardy if i dont do things for him sexually, so he pesters me (not in a pushy way).
I love him and i know he loves me. I just think he's sort of suffocated me a bit the whole way through the relationship and im a bit fed up. He also always tells me that he never wants to lose me and would de if he did. This worries me too
As soon as another guy shows me attention, i go like weak. Most guys say oh sorry you have a boyfriend, dont want to get you in trouble. Although ive never cheated, im getting closer to doing it.
I just feel that im fed up of being told what to do. I just want the chance to be single and see other guys because i never really had the chance, but i dont want to lose my boyfriend as i know we'd always be together. I love him so much and dont want to hurt him but i cant ignore these problems.
Do i leave him, have failed relationships or meet my soulmate. Or am i about to give up the best thing thats ever happened to me?
Sorry for the essay. Any one want to try and help!?
x
0
Comments
This tells me everything I need to know.
I know you say you're happy but from an outsider's perspective it seems to me that you aren't at all. The fact that you're even considering cheating shows me that your subconscious is screaming at you to get out of the relationship.
I really dont know what to do
he always says he misses me, but he doesnt give me chance to miss him.
he's so sensitive i darent say half of this stuff.
I don't know if he's controlling, or overly needy, but from the way you write you don't sounds like you have a very healthy relationship.
You may love him, but are you in love with him? Is it enough?
you may be right
Your choices are
Texting is ok, but it is no substitute for talking and no basis for a relationship. Your bf needs to learn how to be a man. At the moment he's still behaving like a boy. A lot of men carry on like this through life, but they make their women's life hell. Best for both of you that he learns this lesson sooner rather than later.
I think perhaps you are growing up and your boyfriend isn't. Possessive jealousy is not healthy- a little bit is okay, but not so much that he's suffocating you.
Yes sometimes relationships do just go through bad patches and at the end you can come out all right, but to me this one sounds more like it should be ending, rather than you riding it out.
It is a big step to take when your partner is so integrated in your life- but it is possible. I finally decided i had to look after my interests rather than worry about the effect the breakup would have on my family etc.
I recently split up with my boyfriend and although the problems we were having weren't the same as yours, the way I was feeling about him was very similar to how you are feeling about your boyfriend. Confronting that niggling, doubting feeling was a very tough thing to do, but once I'd done it it felt like a weight had lifted, despite the sadness and pain it initially caused us both. It WILL be difficult, but don't you think you deserve the chance to be in a relationship where you don't have to doubt your feelings?
:yes: I think you would too.
I bang on about this all the time, but everyone deserves to be with someone who turns their world upside down. Never settle.
Break ups are absolutely awful at the time. Breaking the heart of someone who means the world to you is no picnic, and nobody comes out if unscathed.
But given time, you come to realise you did the right thing and you'll feel glad about it. I felt terrible dumping my first boyfriend, he was devastated and I felt like shit. But we both recovered, and you both will too.