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Bit nervous....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My best friend has been in a relationship for just over a year and a half. I've never really liked the guy; always found him a bit slimy and he's incredibly paranoid about the relationship. He constantly questions her about where she's been and on a recent girly holiday she asked me to delete any photos I had of her with a guy (all entirely innocent - we just met some nice people who happened to be male). A few months ago she found out he had been exchanging dirty emails with another woman. She left him for two months and then, after some couples counselling, they got back together. She moved back in with him about a month ago, and today she called me to tell me they are engaged and to ask if I would be her bridesmaid.
I promised her when she left him that whatever she chose to do, I would support her choices. She's a grown woman (ish - she's 21) and her whole family was being incredibly opinionated about the situation. I felt she needed to know there was someone behind her no matter what mistakes she might make.
However, I'm a bit nervous about accepting her offer to be bridesmaid. I have a real problem with this guy and I know I'll find it hard to make a speech, for example, about how happy I am for the two of them, or even just to congratulate him next time I see him.
I don't want to let my friend down - I love seeing her so happy and I don't want to break my promise to her, but I feel really strange about the engagement and I don't know how to deal with it!
What do you all think; suck it up and be happy for her despite my doubts, or decline the bridesmaid request and take a back seat with the wedding?
I promised her when she left him that whatever she chose to do, I would support her choices. She's a grown woman (ish - she's 21) and her whole family was being incredibly opinionated about the situation. I felt she needed to know there was someone behind her no matter what mistakes she might make.
However, I'm a bit nervous about accepting her offer to be bridesmaid. I have a real problem with this guy and I know I'll find it hard to make a speech, for example, about how happy I am for the two of them, or even just to congratulate him next time I see him.
I don't want to let my friend down - I love seeing her so happy and I don't want to break my promise to her, but I feel really strange about the engagement and I don't know how to deal with it!
What do you all think; suck it up and be happy for her despite my doubts, or decline the bridesmaid request and take a back seat with the wedding?
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Comments
Getting your head round a friend's marriage to someone you don't like is always hard, but actually quite common. I think we have really high standards for our friends and find it difficult to comprehend their happiness with someone who doesn't quite match up, but if as you say she's happy, then with time I think you'll find it easier to accept more naturally. This wedding might just be the first part of that?
On the speech side, usually bridesmaid/best men speeches are heavily weighted towards one person - so it's fine to have a speech that is mainly about your friend and why she's so great with just a small bit at the end saying you wish them all the best together. That way it's genuine.
It's been a little while since you posted - how are you feeling about it now?