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i need advice!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
there's this guy who i have to say is the reason for the bullshit ive been pulling. he messed me up emotionally relationship wise. (i wont get into that now) things ended about a yr ago but the results from it, im still going throught it.
ive had amazing guys come throught my life. want-to-take-me-"seriously"-and-meet-the-fam. type of guys.
but, first of all it seems that i was born with a penis mentality. ive been like that since i can remember so for me it takes a while for a person to sink in and stay there. well that "guy" i previously mention sunked in deep.
anyways..., there's been great guys who according to them i have totally fucked them up emotionally(they say). this has happened about 5 times in one yr. and i will take the blame on saying that since the other GUY, i havent quite been able to take ANYONE seriously just bc it feels like this other guy didnt take ME seriously.
im always surrounded by guys which i have to say thats where i mostly have developed my "games" from. and it sucks bc now a days i feel like i have totally and completely missed out on great relationship opportunities, and im such a deep beliveer of karma thinking that all of this will come back to me and bite me in the ass. :sour:
but its like this:
im still very angry that i fell for this guy, which i still cant get him out!
and i feel very much broken inside bc of him, yet the only way i feel in control is when ever i play with the guys who are currently in my life just like i have with the other guys in the past, bc i have to be honest im pretty much juggling right now(yes thats fucked up and i know)
1 one's in VA,
2 are in MD,
& i live in DC, but one of them goes to school with me.
and at first i didnt really give a fuck, bc like i said i felt like i was getting even, but im now realizing that these guys are really getting hurt by my actions. so what should i do?
i feel like i need some ME time! get my head str8.
ive had amazing guys come throught my life. want-to-take-me-"seriously"-and-meet-the-fam. type of guys.
but, first of all it seems that i was born with a penis mentality. ive been like that since i can remember so for me it takes a while for a person to sink in and stay there. well that "guy" i previously mention sunked in deep.
anyways..., there's been great guys who according to them i have totally fucked them up emotionally(they say). this has happened about 5 times in one yr. and i will take the blame on saying that since the other GUY, i havent quite been able to take ANYONE seriously just bc it feels like this other guy didnt take ME seriously.
im always surrounded by guys which i have to say thats where i mostly have developed my "games" from. and it sucks bc now a days i feel like i have totally and completely missed out on great relationship opportunities, and im such a deep beliveer of karma thinking that all of this will come back to me and bite me in the ass. :sour:
but its like this:
im still very angry that i fell for this guy, which i still cant get him out!
and i feel very much broken inside bc of him, yet the only way i feel in control is when ever i play with the guys who are currently in my life just like i have with the other guys in the past, bc i have to be honest im pretty much juggling right now(yes thats fucked up and i know)
1 one's in VA,
2 are in MD,
& i live in DC, but one of them goes to school with me.
and at first i didnt really give a fuck, bc like i said i felt like i was getting even, but im now realizing that these guys are really getting hurt by my actions. so what should i do?
i feel like i need some ME time! get my head str8.
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Comments
From what you've said this sounds like a pretty good idea. I'm sure plenty of people have been guilty at some point of messing people around, whether intentionally or not. Like you say, it can be harmless but it can also be quite hurtful depending on how serious these different guys take their relationship with you.
Realising that the way things are right now isn't quite right and wanting to do something about it is a good place to be. Taking some time for yourself to clear your head and get back on top of things will help you to clarify if any of these guys really mean something to you.
It sounds like you've had some confusing times with your sexuality? Wanting to explore that is only natural but it sounds like your self-esteem might have taken a bit of a knock? Perhaps it's why you've been looking for control by playing these games with people?
If you feel it's time to look after number 1 for a while then go for it! Spend time with good friends or people you really trust and do the things that you enjoy. Maybe there's a close friend or family memeber that you can confide in about how you're feeling?
Take care