Help!

Former Member

Hi
I'm new to all this so here goes...
I am currently in a relationship with a woman 17(!) years my junior, and
we have been seeing each other for nearly a year. The problem is that i
am HUGELY jealous of her ex. She spent a night with him 2 days before we
started dating (i found this out about a month into our relationship), and she continued to text him at least 2 months into our relationship. She promised me that all they did was snog before we started dating, but i find this really difficult to believe. This paranoia and jealousy is seriously affecting us, and i feel it could break us apart. I really love this girl and all i want to do is trust her. Any advice?

Former Member

Tough call. Im possibly the worst person to give any kind of advice on paranoia and jealousy as ive managed to fuck up two really good relationships purely on these two things, but maybe learn from my mistakes. if you dont want to mess things up then you need to knock it on the head right now. Just tell yourself not to read into everything that happens and ignore little stuff that really doesnt matter.
I dont have any advice for learning to trust her but just remember that she is with you. she chooses to be there, don't forget that. Hope everything works out

Former Member

icey wrote: »

Tough call. Im possibly the worst person to give any kind of advice on paranoia and jealousy as ive managed to fuck up two really good relationships purely on these two things, but maybe learn from my mistakes. if you dont want to mess things up then you need to knock it on the head right now. Just tell yourself not to read into everything that happens and ignore little stuff that really doesnt matter.
I dont have any advice for learning to trust her but just remember that she is with you. she chooses to be there, don't forget that. Hope everything works out

That's what my friends keep telling me! I know she chose me, and i know that
she loves me. It's that annoying little voice in your head though, isn't it? Thank you though!

**helen**

Hey Spidey,

Jealousy about exes is really common and so it's great that you recognise it's becoming a problem - as icey says it can take over in a relationship.

Part of the reason we often become jealous of an ex is because we imagine the history and memories they had together and focus on those rather than the fact they've moved on from a past person.

Sometimes exes can be a source of comfort for a person when they're single because it's a temporary confidence booster and reminder that they are an attractive person - it sounds like your girlfriend was in that phase when she saw her ex before she met you - but has since realised she's got more chance of finding happiness elsewhere

So, an obvious way to feel better about a current relationship is to really put effort into building your own new memories and experiences - perhaps thinking about a trip away together or a hobby that you take up together - I'm sure you can think of some exciting things you'd like to share with her.

Hope this helps a little.

Former Member

heyya,
I reckon you and your girl should sit down and talk about it all. But I have two points...
A) She wasn't cheating, it was before your relationship began
and
She loves you.

Enough said x
X

Former Member

Thank you for the advice! I've never been the jealous type, so i kinda surprised myself a wee bit..anyhoo, i had a heart to heart with her tonight, and i came to the same conclusion as your kind posts-she loves ME, and she chose ME. I suppose, after all, that's all we really need? Thank you again guys!