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Firstly, any bloke who is trying/having/debating sex or doing sexual acts with you is a Paedophile. You are 12 whether you feel older or not. That means legally you are technically described as a child. For your own safety you need to stop going near these men. I can understand all the low self-esteem, attention seeking, peer pressure but there must come a point in your head when you realise these men do not love you, are morally disgusting and need putting in prison (where hopefully they'll get the kicking they deserve). It won't help that you are physically developed too, to them you're a little Lolita. You need to use whatever wisdom you have and realise that to get respect in life you need to first have some inyourself. So respect yourself and ditch the perverts.
Secondly, you need to distance yourself from the older crowd. May i point out that if they gave that much of a shit about you they wouldn't let the paedos near you. If you were my little sister i'd be not be letting you out of my sight i can assure you and if you were my daughter you'd be grounded and made to stay in so we could talk it out and work out how to make things better.
Thirdly, i think it's going to be hard for you to return to being 12, you've had too much thrown at you too young. But that is no excuse for not trying to make the best out of life. Don't just give up and think ah well it's started so i'll just keep going. You need to pull yourself up, give yourself a slap and say Sod this, i need to do something. Get help from whatever avenue you can, talk to your mum about everything and get help from her.
Oh and suck it up that some people aren't going to agree with you in life and take the negative comments with the positive ones.
EDIT: I may not be perfect, but today I have done some things right. And it has cheered me up a bit. I've got councelling later, and I've spoken to some teachers at school today about Shaun. Over the weekend I was in a bad mood, but today I'm quite pleased with myself.
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It's going to be hard, I know, but I am going change. I've decided. :yes: I think the first step is to stop drinking/smoking... And I haven't had a drink for 4 days. So I am going to try.
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Hope that helps?
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I am going to see how it goes at my current school, I've decided to finish this year. Then see if I'll be able to carry on without getting to messed up! If this year goes well, then I think I'll keep in public school.
Thanks for all your advice :-)
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