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im so lost. help

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry this is a long post, I apologise.

my now unfortunate ex has put me in alot of trouble and ending it on that day, very traumatic and drastically

thing is, I miss her so much and no idea how to get her out. of course I cannot due to the history we have and the closeness, affection and everything. it was every girls dream to have what we had.

of course, the fact that she put me in alot of trouble doesnt help.
I havent been to work in over a week because of all this. I am also on anti depressants now and never have i felt like this.


i never date or get a chance, but she gave me a chance and from the word go, its been wonderful. we got talking to each other by email and phone then met up at her place in the evening, and enjoyed each others company and then well, slept together holding hands which was ever so nice.


we even wanted to marry each other eventually. but i helped her through very tough times (she does have kids of her own too)
a very beautiful attractive women, and usually women like that never even look at an ugly mug like me!


i cant even go outside, im so low down. even if I do go outside, i just feel so torn apart and incomplete because usually, it would be us together always, holding hands, being very passionate and affectionate, the sexual drive and everything - oh so wonderful and perfect.
im generally a positive person and achieved alot already in my young life but all this is getting sucked away.


ive even paid for a few dating sites but they do not work. again, the usual "thanks but your not my type" messages. With her, it was just "you are the one, i knew that from the moment i saw you and looked into your eyes".


I just want her so much, wonder what she is doing each day and each weekend now as all I can think about is her, and whom she maybe with and the dreams I have.... just horror and shock.

i mean, the connection and chemistry we had was so wonderful in the right doses, now all that is gone completely and im facing a court trial later and no idea how to prove my innocence.


i miss her, miss holding her, talking, and everything. she was really different, she doesnt sleep around, has moral/ethical values (to some degree) and was upfront, honest, loyal, committed and dedicated and to find people like that, impossible these days as they cheat, date multiple people.... you know the drill.


im so low down. so low down. i want her but i cannot. and no idea how to move on and find a similar woman.

sometimes I wish I can see what she is doing or thinking some how by some spirit or something, or even her to contact me again but thats not going to happen.

you know, she fell for me alot because of my lifestyle, way of thinking, values etc... etc... and the fact that i dont believe in complications and explained why and she totally understood and believed in it and me even more and agreed there would be no complications and we support each other.

we were both sick and tired of the way people treat each other these days either as friends, general people or relationships and this is another reason why we were so close and in love because we know exactly what we mean and experienced.


thing is, no one has ever given me a chance or even a date or anything... but she was so down to earth and great and we got on so well on all levels, even both went to levels that we only ever dreamt off....but we both made it a reality. she was the only one to "accept" me or "welcome" me... but now, im just thrown out


so yeh, wonder what my ex is doing now, what she is up to, who she is with, who touched her and why....and why she is trying to "wipe" me/our love away with someone else. its such a sick pathetic thing even after everything she said throughout the relationship, which was indeed genuine.


usually she would be over at mine over the weekends, and right about now we would be waking up together, having a shower, getting ready to go out for a coffee by the riverside, before taking her to the train station..... now, nothing.

but now, she has put me in so much trouble, no idea where to turn, what to do, how to get out of it.

sorry for babbling on folks

now..... empty. cold. alone. hurt. some what desperate. rejected. unloved. the list goes on.

she must be happy, enjoying herself and with someone else. she is older than myself and has 2 kids of her own and all this just makes no sense.

we both reassured each other about our love and commitment, having heart to hearts, talking in bed....you name it. a healthy, decent, genuine relationship and all blew up because of 1 small thing i did not agree with, which i was open about and she agreed and I did not express my anger or anything as I am not like that.

infact, happened a couple of times before on the same subject and everytime I wanted to leave her place, she would physically stop me, pin me down on the bed or pull my arms etc...

happened again and boom, she over reacts totally and thinks things which arent true and her friends feeding her poisen or whatever..... just sick and stupid, people interferring is not a good thing, which is another reason why there is not a high rate of successful relationships these days in comparison to maybe a few years ago!


Im trying to move on and get someone else but i cannot because of the same problems before her, people are too picky and choosy and what not. she was so straight forward as we both knew what people are like.
Further more, i just cannot stop thinking of her, some dating sites i been to ive seen her profile and I just choke up so much (her profiles are old I think but not sure).... its like, why? what for? just....why


I dont know. im so stuck. lost. scared! i dont know what to do.
I miss her terribly. always think about her day and night, who she has been with etc... its just sick.

saw some of her profiles on some dating sites today which i didnt know and think they are old....and i just choke up everytime. cos "thats my girl" :(

im so sorry.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hope

    this is one of the saddest stories ive heard. why is it that when we find something so special it is cruelly snatched away. you must remember that before u met this girl you beleived you could find no one so compatible..but u did...just like now u think you,ll never love again,,but u will. just live each day as a day closer to when u find that girl,, but accept the pain now, live in it, look after and be good to yourself and slowly u will get there mate...your in my thoughts x:wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :thumb:
    angel777 wrote: »
    this is one of the saddest stories ive heard. why is it that when we find something so special it is cruelly snatched away. you must remember that before u met this girl you beleived you could find no one so compatible..but u did...just like now u think you,ll never love again,,but u will. just live each day as a day closer to when u find that girl,, but accept the pain now, live in it, look after and be good to yourself and slowly u will get there mate...your in my thoughts x:wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank-you.

    im just so scared and worried about what is going to happen now and if I will win this court case that is coming up as she put me in so much trouble and accused me of something that wasnt true at all.

    i wake up again this morning, and watching the sunrise and no one to share it with. all i keep thinking about is "why" and who she is with and how dare she after everything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    went to see another solicitor for impartial advice and he charged a fortune.

    he doesnt think there is a way out apart from trying to negotiate with the prosecutor, which will again cost alot but says that it is a 50/50 thing.

    :(

    i cannot seem to make a solid defence with her allegation. it never happened, what she accused me of.

    then today coming home, beautiful sunset, and i remember walking with her hand in hand, in pure love. now...she must be happy, partying or whatever, with someone else. its pathetic.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well it's quite cliched but just after a relationship ends you do nothing but think of the good times...about how perfect the relationship was etc. Truth is, no relationship is perfect and some day you're gonna look back and think "this cunt got me into some deep shit, can't believe I felt that much for her when we finished"

    Let your emotions out yeh but you should really start thinking about getting back into work and moving on, lying about all day everyday feeling sorry for yourself and the situation you're in will do you no favours in the long run.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    believe me I completely understand and I do think of the bad times too but hand on heart, there were no bad times, apart from 2 disagreements which were VERY minor. Even my solicitor said that she cannot see the problem at all, as did the other people I told this too.

    just makes no sense. why bother with anything and relationships really? in the end people moan about not finding that person they are after or someone decent - here I am, no one gave me a chance but her and her alone and she knew that I was the one.... then all this dirt.... its sick
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    firehawk wrote: »
    believe me I completely understand and I do think of the bad times too but hand on heart, there were no bad times, apart from 2 disagreements which were VERY minor. Even my solicitor said that she cannot see the problem at all, as did the other people I told this too.

    just makes no sense. why bother with anything and relationships really? in the end people moan about not finding that person they are after or someone decent - here I am, no one gave me a chance but her and her alone and she knew that I was the one.... then all this dirt.... its sick

    Why did she drop you in the shit? You don't have to give any details but there must be reason. If it was out of spite then she wasn't as good as you think mate because someone who truly loves you would not just go to the law and make something up. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree to that. why? I dont know honestly.

    maybe because of her past?
    confusion?
    her way of dealing with things and giving me a clear disturbing message?
    interferring/encouragement from the friends, who already didnt like me much due to me being a different race and they were jelous that things were going very well for us.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    firehawk wrote: »
    I agree to that. why? I dont know honestly.

    maybe because of her past?
    confusion?
    her way of dealing with things and giving me a clear disturbing message?
    interferring/encouragement from the friends, who already didnt like me much due to me being a different race and they were jelous that things were going very well for us.

    Well it certainly seems like there's a lot of facets to this break up, if she's going to listen to her mates' bullshit over your own word then perhaps she wasn't as into you as you thought.

    And believe it or not I've been dumped in the past by a girl I thought was really suited to me, she ended up going back to her ex. :shocking: :D It hurts but you will get over it trust me. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe. we were wanting to get married and have our own kid, did alot for her, was pure and genuine

    but now... this court case. i just... no idea how to make a solid defence.
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