If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Boyfriend Dated 4 Women During 2 Week Split :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi all, new to this but would appreciate your views....
my boyfriend and i split up for 2 weeks recently (we were together just over a year). during this split, he told me he had 4 women on the go. told me their names, ages but denied having sex with any of them.
the thing is, he claims to want to marry me, loves me to bits, wants kids etc.....i know we were split up and i have no say in what he did during that time but i can't help feeling that he never felt much for me or never respected me that much,,,,,he says he has got rid of them all since we got back together and i want to believe him but one of the women lives close by but he originally told me she lived 40 miles away...
i am gutted and when i wanted to know more, he dismissed me and told me to go home if i was "going to be like that". needless to say, that hurt a lot.
the point is, he did this in such a short space of time, i don't know whether i can trust him anymore.....our split was because i found him on dating sites and he even put us both onto a swinging site without my knowledge or permission. hmmm, just reading this is giving me the horrors.
maybe i know the answers deep down but i am in love with him and i wish i wasn't. :banghead:
your opinions on this matter would be appreciated.
my boyfriend and i split up for 2 weeks recently (we were together just over a year). during this split, he told me he had 4 women on the go. told me their names, ages but denied having sex with any of them.
the thing is, he claims to want to marry me, loves me to bits, wants kids etc.....i know we were split up and i have no say in what he did during that time but i can't help feeling that he never felt much for me or never respected me that much,,,,,he says he has got rid of them all since we got back together and i want to believe him but one of the women lives close by but he originally told me she lived 40 miles away...
i am gutted and when i wanted to know more, he dismissed me and told me to go home if i was "going to be like that". needless to say, that hurt a lot.
the point is, he did this in such a short space of time, i don't know whether i can trust him anymore.....our split was because i found him on dating sites and he even put us both onto a swinging site without my knowledge or permission. hmmm, just reading this is giving me the horrors.
maybe i know the answers deep down but i am in love with him and i wish i wasn't. :banghead:
your opinions on this matter would be appreciated.
0
Comments
Try and think about it rationally. You were on a break (that you started) and he "dated" 4 girls, ie he met 4 girls at various points for a drink. That isn't a date.
If you want to split up with him, do so because of the shit he is pulling on the internet, not because he took your "we're on a break" notice literally.
I agree - if the dude is putting you on swingers site i think it's safe to say something is wrong in the relationship - it's fine to do that shit if you're both in agreement. He's going behind your back and being an overall wanker - I think you'll will get more hurt if you stay with him because he'll only do more of this kinda shit behind your back.
Run away, run away fast!
Yeah, cos I'm sure most men would be absolutely fine with their girlfriend seeing four different men when they'd been split up a fortnight. I think she's thinking about it perfectly rationally - as soon as they broke up, he's out there dating other women immediately - and she only has his (not exactly reliable) word for it that nothing happened with these women. He can't love her that much, think she's the woman he wants to grow old with, have babies with etc, if the second they split up, he's off dating numerous women. Hardly pining for her or begging her forgiveness, is it?
But regardless of this, he sounds like bad news.
Seconded.
yes we were split up and yes i had no say over his business but i can't help feeling undervalued and disrespected. just yesterday he told me he was driving along the road and one of the women he dumped for me was driving. he drove up beside her and tooted his horn at her and she gave him the finger. makes me think she is very hurt and there was more to their short relationship than he is admitting.
i am just so confused.:crying:
IMHO it's basically saying "I want to go see if there's anyone better about". If you find someone better you go with them, if you don't you go back to your partner. If you're the one who says to go on a break then you can't get angry AT ALL if your partner takes you at your word and goes to look at the menu.
You were split up for TWO WEEKS. During those two weeks, he saw FOUR different women. Then you contact him, not the other way round; if you hadn't done, he might be shagging one or more of these women now. I completely share your intuition that if you meant anything to him, he wouldn't have been so quick to move on. The alarm bells here are bloody foghorns. Get out get out get out!
But i wouldn't trust your guy at all, i've used some sites on the net in the past over the years and you don't get 4 dates in the space of a week, ever.
You'd have to be talking to those people for quite awhile and building up a reasonable level of trust in order for them to meet a guy in real life from the net in the very first place, let alone how long it would take to find 4 people who actually return his messages and are interested in him...
Looking at what he's doing and the space of time involved i'd expect he was talking to them before you split up in my personal opinion, i'd stay well away from him.
The pain will go away but I'd suggest going no contact and deleting him out of your life for time being - maybe ask any burning questions you have before you go no contact......it's doubtful he'll be truthful but you never know.
It's sad, i feel for you, you broke up hoping that he'd change and prove to you that he was trustworthy person, instead you've found out he had 3/4 women waiting in the wings.
Another way to view it could be that he went mad on dating sites straight after you broke up and 3/4 women took the bait - Its not like it's that hard to get dates.....unless your me!
I do think you'll be better off without him though
Ah, sweetheart. I really feel for you, I know exactly what you're going through, big hugs to you.
You are definitely doing the right thing by walking away now, believe me. I wish I had had the courage and the strength to do that - I let an arsehole of a guy make me miserable on and off for two years before finally getting the strength and determination to cut him out of my life for good. But before that I had two years of unhappiness, insecurity, emotional turmoil. If you can do this now, and just get through the most difficult first few weeks, you'll soon start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and realise how much better off you are without him.
Don't call him after two weeks this time though!!!
But if you're no longer with him you should try and move on, have a good night out or a day of pampering to get a fresh start :-)
C-A x