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feeling shit :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I hope this isn’t in the wrong section, please feel free to move it.

I’m wondering if anyone else has felt the same as I do now, and how to get out of it. I feel like I have given up on life, because even when I look at it rationally, I just don’t see the point of what I am doing, and don’t see any perspectives for me. Before I start, I know there are people in worse places, and I hate self-pity, but I can’t shake it. I want to get out of this headspace, but I have no motivation for anything anymore, and my thoughts are becoming increasingly filled with thoughts of suicide, not like I am directly intending to do it, but just weighing it up, and this worries me because I know I am a rational person, but I can sense myself slipping into very negative mindsets, and I want to shake that but can’t.

I am in my mid-20s, university educated and normally a very balanced person. Even when the few people who cared were worried about me before, I knew I’d be ok, but now I just don’t. I have been looking intensively for work since January, because I knew my contract was expiring this summer, and I’ve now been unemployed for a few months, and had to move back to Britain, which I hate. Living abroad really showed me that the grass is greener, and my girlfriend lives abroad, although I am convinced the relationship is going to end, and unfortunately convinced she’ll cheat on me again, but that’s another issue. I’ve been living back with my parents which also drives me mad, but I don’t have the money to go anywhere else, and I’m not getting anywhere with my job search, either here or abroad. I have had my CV checked and praised by professionals, I have a degree, speak a foreign language fluently, and have years of experience working abroad, yet I cannot get jobs where all you need is 5 GCSEs.

What worries me most is that I am thinking so much about how to get out of the situation, and all the positive things I’ve tried (applying for jobs here, abroad, elsewhere in the UK etc), or going for unpaid work to keep me occupied and get more experience, just don’t work. So perhaps inevitably the negative solution of ending it all crops up, but I don’t understand it, because maybe I always pictured people considering that as being a little unbalanced, but everytime I consider it, it’s very rational. I know who I’d write to, what I’d say, the things I’d leave behind and what I wouldn’t. Although I don’t know if I can actually picture myself doing it, I am getting worried about myself, and don’t know where to turn. If I speak it aloud it sounds ridiculous, because I know things could be worse, but I have never been this depressed in my life and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s turning me into not a very communicative or friendly person, and I don’t like to see that change in myself…

Has anyone ever felt like that, and managed to get themselves out of the situation?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there phoenix24 :wave:

    This is the right place to talk about your low mood - you might notice some threads from other users who've found support here when things have gotten to them. It sounds like your work and relationship situations are really affecting you so you might want to also post on those pages for more specific support on each issue.

    I'm really sorry that you're struggling at the moment. Reaching out for support is a really positive step so its great you're posting. It sounds like these feelings are unfamiliar for you and concerning - sometimes although we rationally know why we feel down that doesn't stop the feelings - you've been dealing with a lot, I'm not surprised its hard for you at the moment.

    There is lots of help out there; check out feeling suicidal the site's page with loads of info, helplines and suggestions for next steps. Is there anyone you trust that you could talk to - a friend or family member perhaps?

    Keep posting to let us know how you're getting on :)
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