If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Why Wasn't I Mad?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok so I was at my bf's house with him and a couple of his mates, I pinched his phone to have a browse through, not in a sneaky way as he was right next to me and I thought he would of seen me looking through it, then he noticed and was like 'oi! what are you doing?' kind of in a jokey way so I carried on...
A girl came in up 2 pics so I said 'who is that?' he said 'meh just an ex' then the next pic, was slightly unexpected, it was her vajayjay
At the time, I just laughed it off with him, but now thinking about it... He's my boyfriend? Yet he has pics on his phone of his ex's bits, I'm just wondering did he just forget about those pics of did he keep them because he still likes her, because before he told me he loved me he said he still loved her.
The way he reacted to the pic didn't make me think he'd forgotten about them.
So why wasn't I angry about this? argh I think I need to say something, becasue If he went through my phone and found a pic of some boys cock he would go fucking mental
Sorry about this being so long I'm just confused at myself and don't really know what to do... :no:
A girl came in up 2 pics so I said 'who is that?' he said 'meh just an ex' then the next pic, was slightly unexpected, it was her vajayjay
At the time, I just laughed it off with him, but now thinking about it... He's my boyfriend? Yet he has pics on his phone of his ex's bits, I'm just wondering did he just forget about those pics of did he keep them because he still likes her, because before he told me he loved me he said he still loved her.
The way he reacted to the pic didn't make me think he'd forgotten about them.
So why wasn't I angry about this? argh I think I need to say something, becasue If he went through my phone and found a pic of some boys cock he would go fucking mental
Sorry about this being so long I'm just confused at myself and don't really know what to do... :no:
0
Comments
Why should he delete everything about his ex from his life? I certainly wouldn't, and I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to simply erase her ex from her life. Sure, nude pictures may be a bit unusual, but it shouldn't matter.
It is maybe unusual, but I certainly wouldn't expect them to be deleted. That would smack of insecurity.
Eh?
I do think it's fine having photos of exes if they're just the sort of pictures you'd have of a friend or a family member but definitely not rude/suggestive ones.
I think some people are just lazy with their phones and don't keep their photo galleries updated. That might be the case with him but I would still be upset.
As for why you weren't mad, I think you were just caught completely by surprise, so didn't know how to react and didn't want to seem like a jealous, obsessive girlfriend at the time, which is totally understandable.
Well if he is with a new girl, then he shouldnt really have them on there,shes an ex now, she shouldnt matter. I for one would be very upset if i found my boyfriends ex on his phone.
Ask him why they are still on there, he might have just forgotten about them..
That's down to your insecurity though - there is no other reason why he shouldn't have them on his phone. What is wrong with having pictures as memories - his time with his ex will still matter to him. Why should people delete things as soon as they're with somebody new?! That's ridiculous, and I'd be narked if a girlfriend even suggested I delete any pictures I might have on my phone. My phone is private - hence nothing to do with my girlfriend, and the pictures wouldn't be doing any harm.
The way you're writing, you're making out that the past before you come onto the scene never happened. That's stupid.
To the OP - this is a good example of why people shouldn't go through their partners phones/emails/private accounts. Sure, you're not upset right now, but plenty of other people will no doubt have had massive arguments over things like this - all because people are too nosey.
My point exactly. :yes: :thumb:
If there had been RECENT dodgy pictures sent/received, then indeed, there is an issue. But if this isn't the case, then the matter should be dropped and people shouldn't be so bloody nosey!
agreed.
But to be honest the one question that i would ask is - why on earth would you want a picture of your ex's foof on there? I can't think of anything worse than being reminded of what my ex's looked like nekkid
I dunno about you - but I've had some damned sexy exes, and so don't have any issues with wanting to see them naked again
agreed
So you wouldn't feel the least bit uncomfortable with your girlfriend having pictures of her ex-boyfriend naked as the day he was born; a picture of his penis, on her mobile phone? The possibility of her still getting off on an ex would not bother you at all?
IMHO, private property or not, when you are with someone new, you let go of the past; past relationships, past history and start to build your own history as a couple together.
I agree that one should not go snooping around their OH's personal belongings but they should be able to trust them not to have pornographic images of their ex-partners.
No.
I still get off on the thoughts of fucking plenty of my exes, although I don't actually have any naughty pictures of them (unfortunately). Why should I have one rule for her, and one for me? Are you telling me you never get yourself off, thinking of getting carnal with an ex?! If the pictures/messages were recent, then indeed I would have an issue with that, as lines will have been crossed.
We'll have to disagree on this one. Your past will always be part of your life, so why try and dismiss it as something that never happened just because you're with somebody new? Nonsense.
This is a case of what you don't know can't hurt you. The only way you will find this out is by snooping - either you've been a sneaky little shit and done it without consent, which makes you an idiot... OR, you've done it with consent, and you don't like what you find, which serves you right.
My girlfriend is a little jealous, whereas I am not in the slightest. I've let her go through my phone once, even though I detest it, and she went postal at a few texts from a female friend of mine that weren't even in the slightest bit dodgy, as well as pictures with of me with some female friends she doesn't know. Her being nosey caused her to lose her temper, whereas I was as calm as I've ever been as I have nothing to hide. My phone is private and I can store what the fook I like on there, end of.
After that incident, I explained why I don't want her going through my phone - many things could be taken out of context, or interpreted incorrectly, or even just a text from somebody the other half doesn't know/like can cause issue. I don't want to go through her phone, not in the slightest. If she hadn't gone through my phone, she wouldn't have fallen out with me over 'nothing'. This is why my phone is private. There is nothing on there that should hurt her, but no doubt something will if she looks through it.
You've got youself to blame for feeling upset imo.
I'm a bit of a weird one really, once they're an ex i switch off and forget they ever really existed. Pictures of ex's never really set me alight i'm afraid, more remind of what bad taste i have in men and why i dumped them :cool:
this is me too, thinking of exes naked makes me want to throw up.
I would delete any pics i had along those lines personally out of consideration to my new partner coz i wouldn't want him to think that he wasn't enough for me .
Men are completely different though, in terms of they tend enjoy visual stimulation . to some women their bloke looking at porn is the end of the world, whereas to the guys it's no big deal, i suppose pics of an ex like that could fall into the same sort of arguement? i still would be mega peeved mind!
I have few naked pics of my ex and I'm bit odd, so your point stands!
Nothing wrong with it in my view, I mean it's not like i look at em all the time.
But I'd say have word with him, let him know where your coming from but don't put pressure on him to delete them - it's gotta be he's call. Best to clear the air rather then let this shit slide as you'll only dwell on it.
On the other hand, I guess it would bother me too, if I found something like that on my other halves phone. At the end of the day, however, all that counts is: does she love me? Does she still have feelings for one of her exes or am I the one for her? And a photo on her phone won't have much effect on that decision. So I'm going for the morally right answer for me and say, it's her life, and everyone is entitled to have one's own privacy too. Even tho, like I said, I'm unsure if I was really comfortable with it.
The thing is, i dont mean to have a go but take it from me, DONT go through his phone, computer etc... Its personal and tbh in experience you only find things that start to make you wonder.. then cause stupid arguements that you could do without.
Speak to him, tell him your not happy about him having these pictures on his phone, ask if he would remove them or stick them on a disc with the rest of the "normal" pictures he perhaps has of him and her, either way, somewhere where you can't see them!
I wouldn't of minded if they were just pics of her but one of her vajayjay?! Thats a bit much when hes my boyfriend now? Also he told me a little while ago hes still in love with her, that makes it more complicated
The thing in this case that would have thrown question marks up is that I'd want to double check it was an ex! Though I don't really make a habit of going through peoples pics
Thing is when I'm 50 I think it would be kind of neat not necessarily in a pervy kind of way but for memory sake to have some of the pics i have of my exes, you know those dozey eyed in her bra in the morning before she's done her hair etc... all good memories even if we're not together now.
But they get hidden away out of sight of any future girlfriends, definitely wouldnt carry it about on my phone, its two steps away from leaving pictures of them in frames on your desk.
It does indeed:chin: - It also makes it rather
Now, that does indeed change the situation. I think you need to evaluate if this will be healthy for you in the long run.
I wasn't nosing ffs he SAW me looking through his phone and didn't take it away so he obv didn't have a prob, me and my mates do it all the time when we are bored.