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Should I go for it or be honourable?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Met this woman recently online, she was having some difficulties in her relationship, her fella wasn't making her feel wanted, special etc and even seemed like he was taking her for granted.
They'd split up but I offered advice anyway. That was my only intention: I didn't have an agenda even though I was attracted to her. They got back together so I was happy for them.
We kept in touch anyway but it soon became apparent things weren't fixed between them. I kept listening to her and offering help but pretty soon there was 'something' between us. I was certainly attracted her her - she's gorgeous - and she liked the attention I was paying her. It's almost as if the things I was doing and saying were exactly what she needed in a relationship and was not getting from the guy she's with.
As it is right now we text maybe 20 or 30 times a day. It's almost like we're having an 'affair', she feels the same way about me as I do with her.
I feel like a total shitbag because of what I'm doing - getting involved with another man's woman. But like my mate told me, she's given the guy chances and he's not picking them up, she seems unhappy in the relationship. I know I could provide her with what is lacking in her life. I know I could make her smile and feel cherished. But she's with another man.
So, should I do the honourable thing and wait and hope they split? Or carry on as I am? She's a fabulous person, sexy, gorgeous, funny, intelligent, we have a laugh all the time, she's got it all. There's the factor of distance, she lives 130 miles away but that isn't a problem for me. Her fella lives closer so that's what he's got over me.
They'd split up but I offered advice anyway. That was my only intention: I didn't have an agenda even though I was attracted to her. They got back together so I was happy for them.
We kept in touch anyway but it soon became apparent things weren't fixed between them. I kept listening to her and offering help but pretty soon there was 'something' between us. I was certainly attracted her her - she's gorgeous - and she liked the attention I was paying her. It's almost as if the things I was doing and saying were exactly what she needed in a relationship and was not getting from the guy she's with.
As it is right now we text maybe 20 or 30 times a day. It's almost like we're having an 'affair', she feels the same way about me as I do with her.
I feel like a total shitbag because of what I'm doing - getting involved with another man's woman. But like my mate told me, she's given the guy chances and he's not picking them up, she seems unhappy in the relationship. I know I could provide her with what is lacking in her life. I know I could make her smile and feel cherished. But she's with another man.
So, should I do the honourable thing and wait and hope they split? Or carry on as I am? She's a fabulous person, sexy, gorgeous, funny, intelligent, we have a laugh all the time, she's got it all. There's the factor of distance, she lives 130 miles away but that isn't a problem for me. Her fella lives closer so that's what he's got over me.
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Comments
Shit happens :thumb:
But sometimes people let themselves trudge along in shit relationships because they are scared of being alone. So if the idea that someone else likes her is enough to make her decide that her current relationship is going nowhere, then game on, IMO :thumb:
You've gone all reckless and rampant since you turned gay. Fun isn't it ?
I go with the majority here. Be a friend while she's going through the crap. Go for it if they split.
I think you need to a take step back from this - you are making her out to be great because you can't have her = what you can't have seems fuckin great, until you get it, also always remember;
'No matter how hot she is, someone, somewhere, is tired of putting up with her shit.':cool:
Just wait and see what happens mate, because even if she split with her bf she'd need time to get over it all. Should you and her get together right away you'd be in a doomed relationship from the start.
Also, if/when she does break up with him, I would take things VERY slowly. If nothing else, then to make sure you're not her rebound guy.
To clear a few things up, she isn't cheating on her bf - she and I haven't kissed, shagged, professed undying love etc
It's clear something is wrong in her relationship. My own opinion is I can't see it carrying on for much longer but obviously it isn't down to me. She may decide she wants to give it one final try. It seems like she makes him aware that she feels neglected and when it's brought up he seems to change a bit for a while but apparently it feels forced to her.
When I tell her how beautiful she is, how much I want to hold her and look in to her chocolate chip brown eyes, she really feels it - that's because it comes from my heart. Yes she seems great because she IS great - it's not all about looks, she and I have a laugh all the time, we could talk for hours about any old crap and still enjoy it.
I can't see her cheating on me in the future because she isn't some sort of serial cheater and I know I can give her everything she wants from a relationship. I've got no idea what she sees in me, I never thought she'd even look twice at me. If someone said I was punching well above my weight then I'd have said they were right. But there's some sort of attraction there and I'm going to see it through.
I've decided I'll wait it out. If she went with me while with him she'd probably feel awful and if we do get together it has to be just right - no regrets.
P.s don't think i've explained myself too well above, sorry not with it today. Just basically saying be cautious and try not to get your fingers burnt. People in loveless relationships sometimes change their minds when they're faced with real life situations in the cold light of day when they can't romanticize about them. God sorry, really making fook all sense :thumb:
We get that you like her dude but to me, it sounds like you've moved waaaay to fast on this woman. You still truly do not know her, you don't know how much of what's wrong with the relationship is her doing. NO ONE IS PERFECT. Please keep your feet on ground and don't get swept away by the love train.
Also, if your making her feel hot with lovey-dovey "your shit don't smell" crap, you're giving her all stuff her bf should be doing and getting nothing in return. Where is her need to leave the bf if your filling the role from afar and he's getting to bang her - What are you getting back from it? Pull back, withdraw from speaking from the 'heart' to her until you know where you stand.
In a weird way look at it like this, Why buy the cow when your giving the milk away for free? - she gets to feel great from you providing well needed ego boost, she has the bf to hold her and give her physical connection.
Whilst they may be unhappy now, who's to know when, if at all, that'll she end things with him again, the fact she goes back to him doesn't bold well for you. You really do need to step away from her and become unaccessible for while, at least until you can see her for a person rather than a pussy-goddess.
:thumb:
He can see me for both!!!
Really glad to hear it
Aww, all deleted.