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Can I ramble on?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have just joined this site after looking up "self harm" on the internet. I'm sorry if this problem has been heard already, I guess it's not as unusual as I thought.
I cut my self last night, for the first time in at least 3 years. I thought the problem had gone away and that I had "grown up" - after all, the only person who knew about my self harming was my boyfriend and he said it was stupid and idiotic and that I just did it for attention. I've recently moved in with him, and last night had a blazing row resulting in him accidentally hurting me, and threatening to have me thrown out by the police (my name isn't on the tenancy yet).
I don't know what happened after that - I went out for a walk and when I came home I found myself locked in the bathroom using the same old pair of dirty scissors I had always used. I was tempted to take the aspirin we keep in there, but I didn't.
He left for work this morning before I woke up, and I'm terrified he'll argue more with me if he sees I've done this. How can I talk to him about this? Why have I suddenly reverted to doing this again? It felt right last night, I felt relieved. Now I just feel disgusted with myself.
I cut my self last night, for the first time in at least 3 years. I thought the problem had gone away and that I had "grown up" - after all, the only person who knew about my self harming was my boyfriend and he said it was stupid and idiotic and that I just did it for attention. I've recently moved in with him, and last night had a blazing row resulting in him accidentally hurting me, and threatening to have me thrown out by the police (my name isn't on the tenancy yet).
I don't know what happened after that - I went out for a walk and when I came home I found myself locked in the bathroom using the same old pair of dirty scissors I had always used. I was tempted to take the aspirin we keep in there, but I didn't.
He left for work this morning before I woke up, and I'm terrified he'll argue more with me if he sees I've done this. How can I talk to him about this? Why have I suddenly reverted to doing this again? It felt right last night, I felt relieved. Now I just feel disgusted with myself.
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It's not unusual and it doesn't matter that the question may have been asked before about something as serious as this. *hugs*
I don't have any personal experience with self-harm apart from my cousin used to do it.
You had a blazing row and perhaps all those feelings of low self-esteem came flooding back? Would you say that you have low self-esteem?
He threatened to throw you out, even though he knows about your SH and confidence issues?
Is this the first time it's happened (not that it's good even if it is...)?
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time at the moment. Is there anywhere you can go to be with friends or family at the moment for a few days?
It has nothing to do with 'growing up'.. Seriously..
You shouldn't let your boyfriend treat you like that.. I think you should talk with him about how you feel, so maybe he can understand you better..
I know you didn't expect you would start cutting again.. but at least you should try to use clean scissors.. you could get an infection using dirty stuff..
Maybe there's something going on your life or you have low self-esteem..
Talking about your situation can relieve a lot of the stress you are going through so we're glad you've found us
Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough patch with your boyfriend. The pressure of something like this can often lead people to relapse even if they thought they had managed to stop.
Self-harm can be hard for people to understand, in some ways we take for granted here, from hearing about it on this site and from other people like you, that we understand why people do it and it's certainly not about getting attention. It's often described as a coping mechanism, a way of dealing with difficult feelings and distress. To many people it's really a difficult behaviour for them to get their head around and it's not unusual that your boyfriend is reacting this way.
If you haven't already seen it there's a useful article on self-harm and how it can affect your relationships which covers some really useful ideas around how to approach things.
Hopefully if you can talk about it calmly with your partner he will come to understand why you are struggling with this and what it's all about.
It may be good for you to talk to someone else too. Perhaps there's a close friend or family member you can confide in. Or, you can call The Bristol crisis service for women who run a national helpline for women who have harmed themselves or are in emotional distress of come kind. The number is 0117 925 1119
Hope this helps and keep posting
I called a couple of friends when it happened - but unfortunately I don't drive and when I moved in with him I moved miles away from friends and family. He wanted me to get a taxi but I don't have any money in the bank at the moment. Lame I know.
He came home at lunchtime and said sorry, but I still feel upset by what's happened and what it led me to do. Its the first time we've had a major row since living together, and it's caused me to relapse. I will try talking to him when he gets home from work but I don't think I could mention the self harming for fear that he might get mad at me for it.
I really appreciate your kind words though, thank you.
How did it go with your boyfriend tonight? It sound's like you are unsure whether your boyfriend would purposefully hurt you and that you fear him being mad at you. Have you tried to talk to him about how he makes you feel this way?
You have done amazingly well to not self harm for three years, this recent relapse does not un-do what you have achieved.
Do keep posting and take care,
Thank you for your post. I did think the self harming part of my life was over, but have since read a lot of the information on this site and know that it might never be.
I spoke with him yesterday evening, not a lot was said to be honest. I haven't told him I cut myself, and was able to cover it up. I said sorry about what happened, and so did he. And really that was it. I wanted to go in to further detail and explain how I felt but I didn't feel able to. I did say though that what was said about me moving out was awful, and I'm going to make sure we sort out the tenancy so my name is on it too, in case this happens again.
I don't fear him, I haven't ever been scared as he isn't a violent person and the relationship we have is 99% of the time great. But I worry that if we had an argument as bad as this again, I might self harm. And I think the only way forward would be to talk to him about it, but I just don't know how to broach the subject...
clean the cut to start with. And, having been a self harmer for 6 years, I know it is hard to stop and you can feel annoyed at yourself. But just keep in your mind that you did stop and for 3 years! Thats amazing! What helped you to stop in the first place? Try and focus on that, and when you get down take deep breaths or write some poems...
Good luck x
Crying-angel x
It's great that you managed to speak so openly with your boyfriend about what was said between you both, and you may feel able to speak about the self harm in the days to come if that's what you want to do? You have been given some great advice and links about how self harm can affect your relationships. Perhaps also think about how you have spoken to him about this in the past, and try to draw from that experience?
Some of the information we have on tenancy rights may help you with regards to getting yourself on the agreement?
If you feel that you are going to self harm in the future, it may be that some of the coping and distraction tips and coping with urges advice that we have may also help you? They don't all work work for everyone, but some of these tips have proved really helpful for some.
Take care
I don't know really, it was really bad and I used to do it all the time. Then I seemed to manage to cut down and only do it when I couldn't help it. I guess the last 3 years have been ok, not fantastic - sometimes the urge has come back - but ok.
Thanks again for all the help I have gotten and kind words from you all. It is so nice to know I can talk openly about this and be taken seriously.