In a bit of a dilemma!

Former Member

My OH's mum phoned last night to let him know that his grandad only has a few days left to live. Ofcourse, he was really upset, he was very close to his grandad but he's in a bit of a dilemma. We live in the Midlands & his family are all based in Suffolk. I have advised him its probably best to go this weekend to say our goodbyes.

However, we are off on a once in a lifetime trip to Egypt in a weeks time. Its probably likely we're going to miss the funeral if we go. I don't know what to say to my OH, we've both been working very hard & looking forward to this holiday. We're going out there to celebrate my mum's 50th, my birthday & my brothers 21st.
I have a feeling his family might take it to heart if we aren't at the funeral. I don't know what to suggest to him - part of me wants to say that his grandad would want him to go abroad & it doesn't mean he's not thinking of his grandad on the day of the funeral, we can go down to the beach & talk about his favourite moments, etc.
But then I know he would want to be there for his nan & mum, I'm worried some of the family (who are very strange & have always been jealous my OH has been the favourite grandson) will badmouth him about the fact he's not there, which will upset his nan even more.

Any ideas what I should do or suggest to him?

Former Member

I think first off raise the subject giving him the opportunity to tell you what he is thinking about it. Then in the course of that conversation you can put the two balanced point of views across- but make sure that he speaks first and he makes all the decisions. Don't hold back your opinion, but don't rule the conversation either.

Former Member

Also this might just be because i live in london and things get pretty hectic but you normally have to wait weeks round here to get a slot in a crematorium or grave yard for a ceremony so its not uncommon to have to wait 3 or 4 weeks before you can have a funeral. Also for my nan's we changed it by a couple of days so that her favourite Niece could attend - so its probably worth broaching the subject sooner rather than later with your boyfriends family.

Former Member

As suggested, discuss it with your OH.

Ask him if he wishes to attend (he may not even want to go, as it may upset him too much).

Don't demand that you both go away, just state that you would like to and that you think it will do him good to get away and think about things. Like you said, this doesn't mean you can't go and do something to remember him.

I'm not sure if it's wise to suggest that his grandad would have wanted him to go away - although that will probably be the case, he might not respond well to that suggestion.

Did his grandad have a favourite activity that you could both do in Egypt?

I'd ask your OH's mum / dad and or nan, to see when they plan to hold the funeral - they may have already taken your holiday in to account.

However, i think the main fact is that his grandad has not even passed yet - old folk are stubborn (in the nicest way), and if he's like my grandparents, then he will fight on as long as possible.
You suggest going down this weekend - maybe he can use that time to say goodbye to his grandad?

Hope you sort something out

Former Member

Holidays are rarely once in a lifetime. I know which I'd choose, and it ain't got pyramids in it.