Lost in the world of Depression

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well as everyone knows i have been down for a couple of months now and the self harm is back!!...so i faced my fears and went to the doctors and they confirmed what i already new my depression was back in full force!!..so now i am on antie depressance once again!..

I cannot help but feel bad about how thinks have turned out..like having to move away from my home town to be with my boyfriend's parents because his wage is not enough to live on, i some times think if i had just stayed in my job then we would be ok!..i mean it was only a bit of bullying of other members of staff but i should have put up with it right???

but because of that i am unable to claim job seekers because i quite my job like a failier!..and we are unable to get any help with our bills and rent!..an because the world is in a credit crunch employers can be picky and who wants someone who is depressed!.

so now i dont know what to do for the best!!...i have let every one around me down..i should have just got on with the job!!..everything is my fault and i can never seem to do anything right! i do try i really do!!..but what else can i do now!!

my family keep goin on at me about a job and no matter what i say to them they always get at me, do you think they would try and understand if i told them about the depression...but then they would want to know why i am depressed!! and i dont think i could tell them about the self harm and my past!!!...

i really need some help!! am sooooo lost in the world of depression!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bullying is a horrible thing for someone to go through. I went through years of torment at school. I thought I was over it but someone made me realise today I am not. I left school almost 7 years ago now.

    I am pretty bad myself right now, I can't see a way out. I have been off work sick for a couple of months now. I did try to go back but I only lasted a few days. I wouldn't even think about trying to get a job until you start feeling better personally unless you think you can handle it.

    I wish I listened to myself instead of giving into the pressure everyone put on me to 'get back to normal'. Now I am worse than I was before all this started.

    I feel like a complete failure as well. Mainly because I tried so hard to be 'normal' and 'get over it' because of pressure from so called 'loves ones'.

    I know they care and mean well but sometimes I resent them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think i can cope with work..i can just about sit through a film!! but i need to work coz other wise we will not have a place of our own again!!

    when god delt out the shit cards i defo got one of them!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am unable to claim job seekers because i quite my job like a failier!..and we are unable to get any help with our bills and rent!..an because the world is in a credit crunch employers can be picky and who wants someone who is depressed!.

    I'll come to the emotional stuff second, but I'll have my benefits adviser hat on now.

    *You can claim JSA if you left your job for a good reason, e.g. you were being bullied. You'll need to explain what happened and provide a bit of evidence, but walking out doesn't automatically stop you getting JSA.
    *If you're not fit enough to work, you can claim employment support allowance (ESA). You'll initially need a sicknote from your doctor and then you'll be asked to go to a medical. It's not that daunting. You really should apply.
    *You can claim housing benefit and council tax benefit even if you walked out of your job. You can only claim it if you're renting your house from a proper landlord (i.e. not your mum) but walking out of work doesn't stop you claiming.

    If you want help in making a claim, drop me a PM.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right, for the emotional stuff.

    Bullying is always hard to deal with and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

    I suffered very badly with depression when I was younger, self-harm, suicide attempts, disordered eating, the lot. I was diagnosed with a serious mental health condition, borderline personality disorder. With therapy and support I got over it, and I'd been holding down proper jobs for about four years. Last summer I moved to a charity doing work with people with mental health difficulties; I won't say which one, but they're a massive national charity. My boss was a cunt and bullied me, telling me everything I did was shit. In the end they drove me out. It completely crashed my self esteem. I'm gradually getting better. I'm holding down a good job with supportive people who know about the depression.

    My point is, try not to see someone bullying you as a failure on your part. It's not. It's their failure, they're the bastards, not you. It's really fucking difficult, but try and pick yourself up. Take the time to regain your self esteem and think of yourself as a worthy person, but don't lose sight of the fact that they're the cunts, not you.

    If you're not ready to work yet, don't. Get a sicknote from your doctor and make a claim for benefits you're entitled to. But, even more importantly, get help from your doctor. Ask for a referral to the practice counsellor or see if there's any specialist mental health workers that can help you. Don't be scared of asking for things. If you don't ask you don't get.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for your help i will do that..another problem is tho i am scared to go to the doctors for the depression as i am tryin for a baby which they know about an am scared that when it is born they will get social serivces involved and take the baby away from me...i dont self harm half as much as i used 2 i will do it props about once a month now if that compaired to when i was first dignosed with depression! so am scared of going to ask to see if they are any special mental health workers and stuff. they have referred me to a practice counsellorl.

    you have been a great help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear of what you've been going through. I've suffered clinical depression for over ten years and have lost many jobs because of it, whether voluntarily or otherwise.

    You really ought to go to the doctor regardless of the fact that you're trying for a baby. Can I just ask, too, without wanting to offend you... why are you trying for a baby now, when your financial and personal situations are perhaps not the most stable?


    Edit: Plus, Kermit is absolutely right with his benefit advice. Call 0800 0556688 to make a new claim. They'll establish which benefit is most suited to you, but by the sounds of things it really ought to be ESA.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you didnt offend me...we are trying for a baby because altho i am not claiming anything we will be financially sorted kinda because we are moving in with my partners mum and dad so we will not have rent of bills to pay..and we will be putting money away to save for the baby stuff because we have been tryin since jan and nothing so far so i dont think i will be preganat any time soon.

    i am getting help for the depression and the doctor did not advise me against tryin for a baby if he had of done then i would have done so.

    does this sounds silly?? sorry if it does
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to consider the financial and emotional implications of having a baby now. Living with his parents isn't realistic in the long term, certainly not with a baby. You need to be planning to move into your own place and working out how you will pay for this.

    There's nothing wrong with trying for a baby, but if you think having someone to love you will cure your depression you're wrong. Being a parent is hard work (so I'm told!) and not something you can take lightly; especially not with depression.

    You wouldn't have social services involvement unless you have severe mental health difficulties that might put your child at risk. Depression, in itself, isn't really enough to show this; they normally only become involved if you have a history of alcohol or drug misuse, or disordered/chaotic living.

    I'd be really concerned if you were basing your financial planning on living with your partner's parents. It's not feasible in the long term; not for you and not for them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i understand what you are saying and i take that onboard. But we have not taken the decition lightley..we have sat and discussed our issues about it..and understand where we both come from about having a baby..this is not some thing we thought hey lets just have a baby!..i know having a baby while living with his parents is not the best ideal worlds..but we have wanted this for about 6 months and it would be going a step backwards if we dont carry one. I am not havig the baby for something to love me because for that i have my partner. I know having a baby isnt easy i look after my cousins often enough and trust me she can be a right pain in the arse! ha..but she is still cute..so i kno how hard it is a baby is for life not christmas.

    apart from the self harm every now and again i am a very sensable person and so is my partner he is in a full time job and gets quite good pay ( well not good enough for us to live on our own) but better than most his age.

    and i know this sounds like a really silly thing to say but we are going to be together for ever we are due to get married on the 12 feb 2011 the venue and that is booked and paid for. and we desucssed if we wasnt to make the relationship work and how it would effect the child.

    so trust me i know what i am doing when i am on about a baby

    but thank you for your advise it is a great help x
Sign In or Register to comment.